Intro & Questions

MrsZ816

Hello all!  My husband and I are researching adoption as the way to begin our family.  We have been through a year of infertility treatment including IVF and, even though our insurance fully covers 3 more IVF cycles, we are feeling that our child/children will be found through adoption. 

We know that we want to do domestic infant adoption, but are torn between looking for our own birth family to do a private adoption or working with an agency.  How did you find your birth family if you did/are doing a private adoption?  We know that if we decide to work with an agency that we will interview until we are comfortable, but if anyone has any recs for agencies that work in NJ I'd love to hear them.

DaisyZH

Welcome!!  I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say hello and congratulations on starting the adoption process.  : )

silliestbunny

Welcome...

I know there are some great private/networking stories to share... but I will say that's a harder route to go.  IMO it also can leave PAPs very vulnerable w/o the help of a third party to assist with screening. Sadly there are some people that are fraudelent and liars that corrupt what could be a good system.

Both of our adoptions were private.  One was sort of a fluke happening which connected us with our DD1's birth family shortly before birth.  Not something that could be replicated.  DD2's adoption was private but involved a facilitator that made the connection. 

The upside to an agency adoption is that agencies can make sure birth moms are well cared for but physically and emotionally which IMO is very important.  With private adoptions you want to be careful that everyone is doing what can be done to support BM. 

Welcome and good luck!

Dr.Loretta

Hi and welcome.

I don't have info on private adoption, but I'll send you a PM on our agency, which works in NJ as well as other states.

Foster1Mom

Welcome to the board. Best of luck on your journey. 

jerseygirl-37

Welcome!  If you go on NJ State website look under adoption is there is a complete list of "licensed" agencies. After we printed out the list, we called (most) of the agencies but went with the agency that we felt most comfortable with and that would guide us through our adoption process. We are searching for "legally free" for adoption children in the USA, preferably a sibling group. We are also a licensed foster home.

Wishing you all my very best!

IRR

Our lawyer is based out of Montclair NJ.  Let me know if you want additional information on her.  Welcome and GL.

MrsZ816

Thanks so much for all of the warm welcome wishes!

MrsZ816

NariaDreaming:

I want to speak from an adoptee perspective- my parents worked through an agency, and I'm SO glad they did, because the agency was there for them (and me) not only during the adoption, but even to this day. Their social workers are amazing, I've had lifelong access to support groups, and as an adult now reflecting back on the issue, it brings me a lot of inner peace knowing my biological mother had access, and still has access to the same level of counseling and support regardless of her inability to pay at the time.

Thank you so much for posting this response.  You brought up some excellent points.  It is so important to me that the birth mother be well taken care of that I think an agency is going to be the way we want to go.