My mom is losing it.

bluecrab1020

I posted recently about the high drama my mom is causing, basically related to her living 4 hours away and MIL living nearer to us.  While I understand it must be difficult for her and she wishes she were closer, she is working my last ever-loving nerve.  I am trying to be patient and understanding, but she's pushing my limits.

She and my dad visited for the weekend and we celebrated my brother's birthday.  I invited my IL's to come over for dinner as well.  They gave my brother a card and a check.  Yesterday my mom says to me, "So now I guess I have to give your SIL something for HER birthday?"  Um no, they were just trying to be nice and help him out a little since he's young.  "Well I can help my son.  They don't need to."

Her latest baby-related nugget is that when the baby is born, DH should not go to the hospital waiting room and announce said birth or the sex of the baby until my parents arrive.  She'd prefer if no one got to see the baby until she gets there.  So help me, I am going to call Good Morning America first if she keeps it up.

Tomorrow's therapy appointment can't come fast enough! 

MomiJerz

Oh my yes she has lost it!!!!!

bdbelladonna

maybe next time she visits you should try to take her to therapy with you. i've been seriously considering going back to it because of my mom lately just so i can drag her to a session or two.

CdnFarmGirl08

bluecrab1020:

Her latest baby-related nugget is that when the baby is born, DH should not go to the hospital waiting room and announce said birth or the sex of the baby until my parents arrive.  She'd prefer if no one got to see the baby until she gets there.  So help me, I am going to call Good Morning America first if she keeps it up.

Tomorrow's therapy appointment can't come fast enough! 

This was my SIL's parents as well! When we got the news that baby was born and we could come and see her, we went to the hopsital. She was VERY offended that we had seen the baby before her! We all had to leave when the nurse came in and that is when my SIL's mom got there and she demanded that we wait outside while she went to see her daughter's first child without any distractions.

I couldn't believe it!

bluecrab1020

bdbelladonna:

maybe next time she visits you should try to take her to therapy with you. i've been seriously considering going back to it because of my mom lately just so i can drag her to a session or two.

I have totally thought about it!  I keep telling my dad she needs to go talk to someone about all this.  He's no help though.  "Oh you and your therapy.  She just needs to relax."  Um yes, but clearly she isn't able to do that on her own.  

on_a_whim

Sounds like she's being a tad overly protective...  A lot of grandma's (or mom's) feel like they should take on a certain type of role when their daughter is expecting; perhaps she is feeling a little anxious (and helpless?) that she is not footing the bill she imagined up for herself?  Entirely possible... but you know your mom better than anyone. 

I hope things iron out... and hopefully, once the baby's here she'll focus more on what she can do rather than what others are doing.  GL!

ilovelife

on_a_whim:

Sounds like she's being a tad overly protective...  A lot of grandma's (or mom's) feel like they should take on a certain type of role when their daughter is expecting; perhaps she is feeling a little anxious (and helpless?) that she is not footing the bill she imagined up for herself?  Entirely possible... but you know your mom better than anyone. 

I hope things iron out... and hopefully, once the baby's here she'll focus more on what she can do rather than what others are doing.  GL!

This. Mil lives closer to us than my mom. My mom always makes comments how dh's family sees ds more than mine....which is not true. My mom is just upset that I refused to move back to my hometown after college.  

Manx4

I'd start ignoring her - she's jabbing at you to make you say things to make her feel better about herself.  That is not your job as her daughter.  If she has self confidence issues, she needs to work them out herself. 

jbBeans

Ugh I'm sorry--this just sounds like a lot of immature drama you don't need right now! Maybe you can try to think of a special role for her that will give her something to focus on and make her feel useful/important? 

DelaBella

Sorry to hear that this is happening! I know how stressful this type of situation can  be. Your mom is obviously feeling insecure about her role with the impending birth of her grandchild -- no one wants to be number 2, especially when it's her daughter's child. Maybe you can think of some special way to honor her? Can she stay with you to help out for a few days after the birth? Or something that would make her feel honored or needed?

bluecrab1020

ilovelife:

on_a_whim:

Sounds like she's being a tad overly protective...  A lot of grandma's (or mom's) feel like they should take on a certain type of role when their daughter is expecting; perhaps she is feeling a little anxious (and helpless?) that she is not footing the bill she imagined up for herself?  Entirely possible... but you know your mom better than anyone. 

I hope things iron out... and hopefully, once the baby's here she'll focus more on what she can do rather than what others are doing.  GL!

This. Mil lives closer to us than my mom. My mom always makes comments how dh's family sees ds more than mine....which is not true. My mom is just upset that I refused to move back to my hometown after college.  

This is exactly what I am afraid of happening.  The situation has no hope of resolving itself and will just get worse and LO gets older.  

Thanks to all the PPs who suggested giving her a special role- I've actually had her help make things for the nursery (she's really good at sewing) and have asked her opinion on things.  She will be coming to help periodically and will stay with us then.  I've taken her with me when she's in town to shop for baby things and planned a beach day when I was at my parents' a few weeks ago.  None of it is ever good enough.  She won't be happy until she lives nearby and nothing I do will resolve that issue.

PhillyPhan

I'm not really sure it's an insecurity issue like a few other posters have mentioned. It sounds to me like a sense of entitlement issue. DH and I have this problem with both of our mothers. They both feel that because they are the grandmothers that they are entitled to certain rights and privlages that other people aren't. As an example, if we told either of them not to do something with DD, they respond with, "Oh that's ok for other people, but I'm Nana, and therefore I can do whatever I want." Ummm, no. They also both are horribly jealous of not only eachother, but of anyone else that they percieve as having more contact or a better relationship with DD than they have. I could be wrong here, but this is just my opinion. The only way we've been able to deal with it is to ignore it and sometimes set the record straight that while they are the grandmothers it doesn't make them exempt from our wishes, or entitled to do things that others can't. GL!