S/O religion: Will you forbid any activities/organizations?

CatBus

While responding to Toni's "Religion" post, I remembered the other fear I have in raising our son: what if he wants to participate in an activity or organization we're opposed to for some reason?

Are you opposed to anything you expect your child to want to participate in? How do you think you'll handle it? 

CatBus

I don't support the Boy Scouts of America. Never have. I was a Girl Scout for twelve years (yes, really), and loved how inclusive and progressive the organization was. I knew that, in contrast, BSA is completely different. Their recent reaffirmation of their stance on gay members and leaders again validated my stance. I feel bad not supporting their fundraisers, since I know it's not necessarily the scout or troop's stance, but I cannot in good conscience give money to that organization. (Meanwhile, I buy at least six boxes of GS cookies every year, and will even buy the Campfire Kids' gross candies.)

SO. Now we're having a boy. H is also very opposed to the BSA. But we know there's a decent chance our kid will want to join when he inevitably has friends who are members. I don't know what we'll do if that time comes. I lean toward letting him, but being very aware of what he's being taught. H claims he would not want our son involved no matter what.

bonjourbelle05

We have said no wrestling because we live in an area where wrestling is really big and we feel like the pressure to make weight, etc is ridiculous (I teach high school and I have kids who can barely stand up because they have eaten so little)....I feel like (at least where we live) it's a breeding ground for eating disorders.

AKB090609

bonjourbelle05:

We have said no wrestling because we live in an area where wrestling is really big and we feel like the pressure to make weight, etc is ridiculous (I teach high school and I have kids who can barely stand up because they have eaten so little)....I feel like (at least where we live) it's a breeding ground for eating disorders.

Us too! DH had his parents sign a medical waver to allow him to wrestle at 3% body fat. He ate an apple a day, that was IT! The guy was anorexic and it was heartbreaking to see him so hungry and tired. I have never been happier to see someone quit something. During wrestling season he was sick for months on end, once he stopped he began eating a normal diet and gaine nearly 30 lbs in a month and since has been sick no more than once a year.

CatBus

Oooh, I've heard about how crazy wrestling can get. It wasn't a huge sport in my high school, yet I still remember wrestlers binging to go up a weight class, or not eating at all, wearing sweats and those weird silver suits to sweat off pounds to go down a class. Scary stuff. It has as much potential as gymnastics or ballet to ignite ED behavior.

Hockey could come with some serious medical/dental costs!

anitalynn:

Depending on the child (if he is anything like his stubborn and often defiant mother), keeping him out of the BSA might make him want to join it more and become more sympathetic to their case.  

Exactly my concern. H says he would steer him toward Campfire instead, but I know that's not the same. 

We are lucky that we're in Seattle, and (at least right now) the BSA leaders around here have rebelled as much as possible against the official BSA line, without going far enough to be kicked out of the organization. So there is definitely hope for us! 

elizabethwig

i'm pretty anti-cult, so scientology is out.

i don't see this being an issue having a girl in canada and all, but football is a no. really, any sports where multiple concussions are the norm would not be ok with me. i'm not thrilled about hockey for a couple reasons (injuries being a big one), but i'd have to see how it went with that one. there'd be strong encouragement to try something else though, that's for sure. 

 

diskogurl

I hate baseball and think it's boring so I would be disappointed if the baby chooses that sport. I also grew up in New Jersey and think playing any sport outside in South Florida is torture...don't know how they do it. 

I really want our son to be a dancer or into musical theatre like I was but DH wants to forbid that activity! It's something we joke/are serious about all.the.time.

bosha711

Although nothing specific comes to mind at this point, so long as our children are minors, we will have final say whenever possible in what activities they want to participate in.

 

CatBus

anitalynn:

MH played football and rugby - and we've talked about how dangerous football is and how much we'd prefer our son not play it. We need to have a more in depth conversation about football, concussions, etc, before I can say for sure that we would or wouldn't ban it, but it's a serious thought. 

I hope our son is into science, dance and music.

 

I honestly hadn't given any thought to sports. H and I have discussed how we'd handle our son wanting to be involved in BSA, a church, and smoking pot. I don't think either of us expect our son to possibly be athletic. My activities were Girl Scouts, band, journalism, and photography. H didn't really have extracurricular options at his tiny Baptist school. 

I also hope for science, art, and music interests. (And when I say "science" I mean science... no Jesus riding dinosaurs.)

Bookelly

I, too, would have a hard time letting a son join the BSA (or any other activity that operated under blatantly discriminatory policies). DH does not, under any circumstances, want any son of ours to play football, as he's worried about head trauma.

However, if my child came to me and asked to join something to which I was diametrically opposed, I would explain my objections and ask him/her to do some in-depth research and to make a case for his/her side. So long as his/her reasoning was well thought out and passionate, I would be willing to reconsider my position.

TAGSL710

As long as its not hateful and they have a well balanced life I'm open to anything. My issue I see as a HS teacher in an affluent district is that these students are all A students in AP/IB courses, in StuCo, NHS, community service, working and in 3 sports. There needs to be balance. There needs to be down time. 

CatBus

anitalynn:

CatBus:

I also hope for science, art, and music interests. (And when I say "science" I mean science... no Jesus riding dinosaurs.)

You mean you won't be going on vacation here? 

 

 

Didn't the Duggars go there on one of the episodes of "[Huge number] Kids and Counting"?

...I mean, I've never heard of that place. Ever...  Actually, H would totally want to go there if we were nearby. He loves good dogma and propaganda. 

hmp1

DH was a skateboarder and also into BMX and dirtbikes. DS seems to be following in his footsteps and wants to play on his balance bike or play on the skateboard. I would like to keep him away from dirtbikes. Not sure when I will have to fight that battle with DH.  DS is also taking an interest in baseball lately. I'm pretty much ok with him trying any sport to see if he likes it but will not go out of my way to sign him up for any fighting type sports (karate, wrestling). I might go as far as to forbid it at some point.

We won't sign our boys up for BSA. 

terri_doula2010

I think the only two things we'd have reservations about (at this point).

One is Boy Scouts - regardless of the fact that H is an Eagle Scout. It has changed so much since then (and of course he was unaware of so much).

The other is honestly the Mormon Church. DH's whole family is Mormon and DS has been to church with them once and I'm sure will again, but I think that is the only thing we'd sit him down and be quite restrictive about - until he is old enough to actually make up his own mind (teenager). My H was pretty scarred by them, and I am so not trying to start something about a specific religion, I think this is definitely something my H feels strongly enough about to hinder our children.

 

BakerMommy

Absolutely no beauty pageant type crap.  I'm on the fence about stuff like cheerleading-- while I think the athleticism and school spirit part is great, the only cheerleaders I knew in HS were... not exemplary in academics or morals.  Totally a stereotype, so it would come down to what either DD's squad was actually like.

Bookelly

BakerMommy:

I'm on the fence about stuff like cheerleading-- while I think the athleticism and school spirit part is great, the only cheerleaders I knew in HS were... not exemplary in academics or morals.  Totally a stereotype, so it would come down to what either DD's squad was actually like.

Oh, it makes me so sad that people still buy into this stereotype . FWIW, I was a varsity cheerleader (and newspaper editor and NHS officer) who earned a full undergraduate academic ride. I didn't drink or have sex till I got to college, and I'm now a librarian. One of the co-captains of our competition squad was the salutatorian and went Ivy; the other ended up at Northwestern. We had a handful of b!tches and idiots on our squads, but no more than in any other sport (our volleyball team actually took the cake on both of those). 

beh3e

I'm probably going to have to fight more on what LO can do than what he can't.  My SO is really uneasy about him doing anything that would be deemed "girly" or "lame."  It's something that he "jokes" about, but I always make it very clear that our son will do what he wants to do, no matter if it's not what my SO would prefer.  On the flipside, though, I definitely have my reservations about what I would like him to do.  I feel like at this point, there is nothing that I would forbid, but I will definitely try to instill a love for the things I would prefer while he's young and hope they stick.

Unem

anitalynn:

I don't know what I would do in this situation.  

ETA: I didn't realize we were talking activities in general, not just religion-related topics regarding activities.

MH played football and rugby - and we've talked about how dangerous football is and how much we'd prefer our son not play it. We need to have a more in depth conversation about football, concussions, etc, before I can say for sure that we would or wouldn't ban it, but it's a serious thought. 

I hope our son is into science, dance and music.

 

This. DH played football and had five concussions.  His head always gives him problems and he's been hospitalized for it.  On top of that, all of his joints are destroyed.  If our son really, really wants to play, we'll need to have a serious talk about it.  Hopefully, the kid is happy with basketball and track.

Also, and I'm sure this is a huge UO, DH feels strongly about not letting our kids go on one on one dates in high school.  He really wants them to focus on school and not get caught up in 'romance'. 

HarmsMomma

TAGSL710:

As long as its not hateful and they have a well balanced life I'm open to anything. My issue I see as a HS teacher in an affluent district is that these students are all A students in AP/IB courses, in StuCo, NHS, community service, working and in 3 sports. There needs to be balance. There needs to be down time. 

This is our stance also.  We also *TRY* very hard to let our DD pick what she wants to do vs. having her do what we feel is best for her.  Hopefully we've found a good way with DD that will carry on with DS and this LO.

AppleMomma

Any activity our kids want to be apart of is fine with us, unless we know it to be harmful to their well being or the orginization isn't well run. I'm sure once they're older we will run into something we wouldn't really want them apart of.

 

I just don't want to be like my parents were who wouldn't support me in my extracurricular activities, like horse back riding. I was after the for years and it took me going under the radar getting a job at the local horse farm for me to finally get to start riding at the age of 15. Granted horses are expensive, but all I wanted was lessons, that cost the same amount as piano lessons at the time, something they wanted me to really do. 

terri_doula2010

 Oh man. I didn't even *think* about pagentry. None of that!

teacherjess

DH and I are both high school teachers so I feel we get to see a fair share of how kids are affected. That said, I will not limit anything outside of what is reasonable. I want them to try different sports, activities, groups, etc. as long as it doesn't interfere with school or home life. I will put my foot down on any involvement, however, thay is discriminatory to any group or groups of people, like Boy Scouts or any weird freaky religious stuff. My sister is gay and out of the closet and I won't put up with anything that would cast her in a negative light.