February 2013 Moms
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Husband Rant + Opinions Needed

My husband kind of exploded on me last night and said that cloth diapers are absolutely a no-go for him.  CDing is something I feel really strongly about and something I was quite excited about, so the passion of his opinion really struck me.  We finally ended the debate with an understanding that his reaction is visceral and that he doesn't really know that much about it... so I would put together a presentation (yes, I am a nerd like that!) with statistics and the pros and cons and then we would decide together how to proceed.

Some background - we both work full-time and my husband is scared of diapers in general and worried about the mess and "ick factor" of CDing.  We currently each do our own laundry.  Although we are pretty crunchy/environmentally conscious, there is a theme to this pregnancy in that my husband thinks that a lot of my decisions (CD, BF, natural birth, exclusive midwifery practice, prenatal yoga outside of my gym membership, etc.) are kind of pretentious and he feels like I am trying to "one up" myself by doing things the hardest way possible and that these things are "trendy."  (He especially feels this way about CDing.)  I *obviously* disagree and think a lot of his characterizations are unfair, but I also want to be respectful of his equal status in the decision making process for things that impact our child.

So... questions for you ladies that CD/have convinced your husbands to CD - Did your husband have initial objections?  What were they?  How did you overcome them?  If you CD now, how does your husband feel about it?  Does he participate equally in diaper changes/laundry/diaper care?  What do you and your husband feel are the strongest benefits of CDing?

Re: Husband Rant + Opinions Needed

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    We both work fulltime and have CD'd since DS was about 3 or 4 weeks old. I don't remember my husband having any objections, but I'm sure he was skeptical. Once I showed him how easy everything was, he was 100% on board. If you have a store in your town that sells CDs, maybe you can take your DH there to do a little show and tell.

    DH changes just as many diapers as me (maybe more right now b/c I am especially gaggy). I do the laundry though...but I do all of our laundry b/c I think I do a better job at it than he does, haha :)

    Also, check out the CD board here on The Bump -- I lurked there quite a bit before purchasing anything.

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    I can kind of understand that for the H's, the idea of changing a diaper for the first time might be kind of gross and scary.  However, I bet once he sees his LO, everything will change.

    My advice - drop it for now and do disposables for the first month or so until DH gets used to the idea of changing diapers, and then re-introduce the idea.  We used disposables until DS was about 3 or 4 months old, and then were able to tackle getting used to CD's later.

     




     

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    we are still exploring all options, but i know a big deciding factor for us will be cost.  I still need to research flushable liners (not sure if these exist, or if they are just my imagination?), and how much extra laundry it will be, etc.  Also, we have discussed half and half, ie. CD at home and disposable when out.

    I'm curious to hear what everyone else says though...

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    Unfortunately, I'm among the population of people who, like your husband, see it as a trendy activist statement. I grew up in a household that cloth diapered, and it was the biggest headache and most disgusting part of growing up in our house. I have four younger siblings, and I spent 13 years changing, shaking, soaking, cleaning, folding, and working with cloth diapers. I will never use them with my children.

    While I am very, very happy with the advances that have come so far in the last thirty years (no more need for pins, no need for those disastrous terrible plastic pants, quality inserts with less need to rely on pre-folds,  diaper spraying systems, better quality washing machines and less need for pre-soaking, etc), I still have zero interest in doing it. Every last one of my friends and family members who CDs has children who are constantly getting stomach viruses and diaper rashes (two things my children practically *never* had with disposable diapers), none of them manage to potty train their children before the age of three, and they have each spent no less than $350 to create their CD collections (with sales & coupons, I rarely spent more than $20/mo on disposables - at the very most - and my both children were potty trained day & night before 2yrs of age). 

    So, while I support anyone who makes the swap specifically because they want to be environmentally friendly (the only upside I can possibly claim is justified and true) and who has the time and energy to do so, I side with your husband on this one. It is a lot of work for two full time working parents, and unless you are diligent about your cleanliness/sanitation and you are on top of diaper changes, all I see is stress on baby's body. .

    Not looking for arguments (I get more than enough of those from my ginormous family....) - just posting the "devil's advocate" point of view support.  

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    imageNicoleN82:

    we are still exploring all options, but i know a big deciding factor for us will be cost.  I still need to research flushable liners (not sure if these exist, or if they are just my imagination?), and how much extra laundry it will be, etc.  Also, we have discussed half and half, ie. CD at home and disposable when out.

    I'm curious to hear what everyone else says though...

    They do exist :) We tried them for a bit, but the ones I tried just always bunched up and didn't catch all the poo. So we ended up with an extra step in disposing of/cleaning off the poo, so we've ditched the liners.

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    imageeatdrinkstretch:
    Some background - we both work full-time and my husband is scared of diapers in general and worried about the mess and "ick factor" of CDing.  We currently each do our own laundry.  Although we are pretty crunchy/environmentally conscious, there is a theme to this pregnancy in that my husband thinks that a lot of my decisions (CD, BF, natural birth, exclusive midwifery practice, prenatal yoga outside of my gym membership, etc.) are kind of pretentious and he feels like I am trying to "one up" myself by doing things the hardest way possible and that these things are "trendy."  (He especially feels this way about CDing.)  I *obviously* disagree and think a lot of his characterizations are unfair, but I also want to be respectful of his equal status in the decision making process for things that impact our child.

     Wow are we married to the same man?  We are not as environmentally conscious as we are pocket conscious.  I'm an accountant and I do it by nature.  He's all for the BF but aside from that not so much.  

    He's afraid of diapers just like I'm afraid of sleep deprivation - hey! deal with it. I'll help out as much as possible to overcome his diaper scare but at some point he has to step it up. I'm considering either going with newborn diapers and then CD after the newborn stage.  

    Doula and Bradley classes (and any other classes seem out of this world for him)...our parents raised us just fine without these classes.  But if they are available why not?!? Knowledge is power!!! 

     Once you figure out how to win him over, please do share.  

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    I know nothing about CD, but I do have a question about it.  Would it be okay if I asked it here?  If you both work full time outside the home, will daycare providers use CD during the day? Or will you use CD at home and disposables at daycare?  I'm truly just curious, not trying to start a debate or anything.  Just wondering how working mamas figure that out!

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    imageSuz+Mo:

    I know nothing about CD, but I do have a question about it.  Would it be okay if I asked it here?  If you both work full time outside the home, will daycare providers use CD during the day? Or will you use CD at home and disposables at daycare?  I'm truly just curious, not trying to start a debate or anything.  Just wondering how working mamas figure that out!

    From what I've heard on here, some DCPs are fine with CDs and others are not, so it just depends on where you are and who you go to for DC.


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    imageSuz+Mo:

    I know nothing about CD, but I do have a question about it.  Would it be okay if I asked it here?  If you both work full time outside the home, will daycare providers use CD during the day? Or will you use CD at home and disposables at daycare?  I'm truly just curious, not trying to start a debate or anything.  Just wondering how working mamas figure that out!

    No - it's a good question.  Our daycare options won't CD, but due to a number of factors aside from the ability to CD (cost, insane waitlists, commute, etc.), we are looking at doing a nanny share.

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    imageJACKIE_RS88:
    imageeatdrinkstretch:
    Some background - we both work full-time and my husband is scared of diapers in general and worried about the mess and "ick factor" of CDing.  We currently each do our own laundry.  Although we are pretty crunchy/environmentally conscious, there is a theme to this pregnancy in that my husband thinks that a lot of my decisions (CD, BF, natural birth, exclusive midwifery practice, prenatal yoga outside of my gym membership, etc.) are kind of pretentious and he feels like I am trying to "one up" myself by doing things the hardest way possible and that these things are "trendy."  (He especially feels this way about CDing.)  I *obviously* disagree and think a lot of his characterizations are unfair, but I also want to be respectful of his equal status in the decision making process for things that impact our child.

     Wow are we married to the same man?  We are not as environmentally conscious as we are pocket conscious.  I'm an accountant and I do it by nature.  He's all for the BF but aside from that not so much.  

    He's afraid of diapers just like I'm afraid of sleep deprivation - hey! deal with it. I'll help out as much as possible to overcome his diaper scare but at some point he has to step it up. I'm considering either going with newborn diapers and then CD after the newborn stage.  

    Doula and Bradley classes (and any other classes seem out of this world for him)...our parents raised us just fine without these classes.  But if they are available why not?!? Knowledge is power!!! 

     Once you figure out how to win him over, please do share.  

    This is totally cracking me up! My husband is finally on board with the whole MW/natural birth thing because I basically told him that when he figures out how to squeeze this baby out of his nether regions, he can decide what I do with my body. In all seriousness (I may have been a *tiny* but angry when I said that...), once he got educated about the risks associated with certain interventions and I was able to articulate my fears about childbirth, he was on board with my decision. He is absolutely against paying for a doula or any childbirth classes...
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    I have been cloth diapering full time since my 1st daughter was 16 months old. I did most of the baby care anyway, so I didn't really ask my husband, I did most of the diaper changes anyway so I felt that was "my area". I more like, informed him of my plans and just did it. So there really wasn't any convincing, I told him it would save money in the long run, especially when we knew for sure we were going to have a 3rd, and showed him some charts and he was sold. I did more diaper changes in the newborn/infant stage (i'm a little bit of a control freak), and he did every now and then once the baby got bigger and into toddlerhood. When my 3rd baby was 7 months old, he got me the Softbums Good to Go Package for $385 for my christmas present, it was AWESOME. he thinks it's funny how i can get so excited/happy about buying cloth diapers. He has helped a lot in the past year or so with cloth diapering, he has no problem changing them and i wrote down directions on how to wash them and taped it up in the laundry room, so if he ever feels like washing them, he can. It's completely normal to us now, we don't really even think about it. Spraying poop can be a littke icky, but it really isn't so bad, it is your own baby's poop.

    To me the strongest benefits are saving money and keeping nasty toxic chemicals off my baby's butt/privates, and cloth has to be way more comfortable that plastic and paper. (i mean i switched to mama cloth during my periods, and cloth pads are way more comfy that disposable pads.) And keeping so much waste out of landfills is a bonus.

    I'm about to have our 4th baby, so this baby will be cloth diapered for almost free. I sold all my NB diapers after #3 grew out of them bc i didn't know if we were going to have a 4th, so I will be buying more NB diapers. But i'm set on one size diapers from #2 and #3. So some of my diapers will have gone through 3 babies by the time i'm done with them. I also use cloth wipes (and made my own), so I only buy disposable wipes for vacations and stuff(keep in the car for emergencies)...maybe 2-3 packs a year? (and the good kind with no chemicals, (Grovia biowipes or Earth's Best/Seventh Generation) I'm sure we have saved tons of money on diapers, even with my addiction to buying them. CDing is not "trendy", it's healthy!

    And there have been recent studies about the chemicals in disposable diapers causing infertility in boys. Plus the perfumes they put in those things stink. I can't stand the smell of disposable diapers. Or maybe you can tell your husband, buying disposables is just like buying garbage..it's just going to end up in the trash. At least with cloth diapers, you can re-sell them when you're through. And I've read that cloth diapers are tax deductible. Good luck!

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    My husband was against CDing.  Twenty years ago, my sister managed a baby supply store. I worked for her one summer and saw the new CDs that looked like disposable diapers. At that point, I decided I would CD so this certainly is not a "trendy" decision for me.

    Here were my husband's objections to CD - convenience of disposables, possible pooexplosions (he had a nasty experience as a teenager with a cousin), extra work. Cost was not a swaying factor to him because we make enough to pay for disposables and he is not environmental enough to care about the amount of disposables in landfills.

    How I overcame his objections: 1) explained that this was really important for me (did not sway him that much since disposables were equally important to him), 2) showed him a youtube video on how easy it was to clean the different types of disposables, 3) attempted to educate him on the different types and why they are better, 4) had him talk to a friend.

    4 is the one that worked and was the scariest one for me because I was taking a complete guess that this friend used CD and that they liked them. I was right on both. The friend loved CDing, both he and his wife work full-time and said washing was not a time issue (which is what the majority of the blogs and women on this site who CD also say), and that they never once had a pooexplosion (this also has been stated by many of the CD mom's on the bump).

    My recommendation is to try and find a friend that he trusts and respects who has experience with this.  If this does not work or is not possible, buy some and tell him that you are willing to do both. You will use CDs he can use disposables. 


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    Most people are afraid of things they are not educated on. I CD'd, I BF'd and I also made all Z's food at home. I don't think I am trendy, but making the decision I feel necessary for my family.

    When I first brought up the idea of CDing to H he was appauled by the thought. The funny thing is he didn't know what CDing at all. He automatically thought pins, crappy diapers and washing. We did a trial where I bought about 7 of them and to see if it was something we both could handle. The trail went really well and H realized how easy it was.

     We both work full time. Washing a load takes seconds. Folding works while we are winding down at the end of the day. It's easier than people make it seem.

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    I'm super lazy, hate cleaning with a passion, and I cloth diaper Big Smile My husband kind of protested at first...then I did the math for him Wink He does it and does most of the laundry now.  It's seriously not that big of a deal. 

     Oh, and I resent being called trendy or any of that other bs. I do it because we're cheap. I could care less what joe shmoe puts on their babies butt. End of story.

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    I have brought up CDing to my SO and so far he seems on board with it. I sent him a blog post from AlphaMom and later it when I had told him that he was going to need to get the hot water working for the washing machine as it is needed for laundering diapers and baby clothes, he surprised me with the interesting fact that there are diaper services that you just tie up the diaper and the service picks up on certain days. Supposedly it doesn't cost that much. I haven't looked into the service to see if it is cost effective with the service charge plus the turn around time it takes to get them back - meaning would we end up having to buy more diapers then if we did the laundry ourself. But this could be something to help with his icky factor. I also think once he actually starts changing diapers, it may not be such a big deal for him anymore.

     I want to say that I came across a post on one of the boards about the cost associated with it (like it costs over less than half it would cost to do disposables) but I really can't remember if that was for CDing or breastfeeding. But if you look at the specific CD board, you may stumble across it.

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    imageDC2London:
    imageRynleigh:

     Every last one of my friends and family members who CDs has children who are constantly getting stomach viruses and diaper rashes (two things my children practically *never* had with disposable diapers), none of them manage to potty train their children before the age of three, 

    I'm not saying you are wrong, bc I don't know your friends or family, but we have used cloth since J was 3 months old and he has never had a stomach virus, rarely has rashes, and he is already mostly potty trained at 2y3m.  I'm just one person, but I have not experienced any of the things you mentioned, nor have I seen them in friends who CD.  Just another side to the story. 

    I didn't see this....the woman who introduced me to cloth diapers has 3 little ones...she cloth diapered all three. 1 & 2 were both potty trained completly (1 boy 1 girl) shortly after they turned 2.  the third is just now 6 months, though I doubt it will be any different.  I can't see a single argument for how cloth diapering makes potty training more difficult.

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    DH wasn't too sure about them until I found a huge stash of them on Craigslist for less than $200. We don't really need to buy any more, so we are basically done buying diapers. He's totally onboard now, knowing how much money we will save. 

    It also helped when I put the amount we would save toward something he wants- since we saved about $300 buying the cloth diapers (not to mention what we saved by not buying disposable), he can add on another year to his membership at our rock climbing gym. Happy DH, happy me, happy wallet!

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    imageRynleigh:

    Unfortunately, I'm among the population of people who, like your husband, see it as a trendy activist statement. I grew up in a household that cloth diapered, and it was the biggest headache and most disgusting part of growing up in our house. I have four younger siblings, and I spent 13 years changing, shaking, soaking, cleaning, folding, and working with cloth diapers. I will never use them with my children.

    While I am very, very happy with the advances that have come so far in the last thirty years (no more need for pins, no need for those disastrous terrible plastic pants, quality inserts with less need to rely on pre-folds,  diaper spraying systems, better quality washing machines and less need for pre-soaking, etc), I still have zero interest in doing it. Every last one of my friends and family members who CDs has children who are constantly getting stomach viruses and diaper rashes (two things my children practically *never* had with disposable diapers), none of them manage to potty train their children before the age of three, and they have each spent no less than $350 to create their CD collections (with sales & coupons, I rarely spent more than $20/mo on disposables - at the very most - and my both children were potty trained day & night before 2yrs of age). 

    So, while I support anyone who makes the swap specifically because they want to be environmentally friendly (the only upside I can possibly claim is justified and true) and who has the time and energy to do so, I side with your husband on this one. It is a lot of work for two full time working parents, and unless you are diligent about your cleanliness/sanitation and you are on top of diaper changes, all I see is stress on baby's body. .

    Not looking for arguments (I get more than enough of those from my ginormous family....) - just posting the "devil's advocate" point of view support.  

    We initially chose to cd because they're a whole lot cheaper than keeping your child in disposables. The average is 1/2 the cost but that varies with all the options. This baby will be diapered for free which is pretty cool.

    I'm not sure about your friend's kids getting stomach viruses as a result of cd'ing, I've never heard of that and we've never had one. Liam also very rarely gets rash - and only when he eats something that's irritating. 

    It's also believed that most cd kids potty train earlier as they can feel it sooner - my 15 month old is already signing "potty" now when he poops so that's a good start. And speaking of poop, we've never had one poop leak - none of my friends who use disposables can say that.

     I feel very strongly that cloth isn't just a trend - one kid in disposables creates an entire TON of waste in a landfill. They're really easy as pie to use for the most part so hope your husband changes his mind and gives them a try. 

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    imageeatdrinkstretch:

    Some background - we both work full-time and my husband is scared of diapers in general and worried about the mess and "ick factor" of CDing.  We currently each do our own laundry.  Although we are pretty crunchy/environmentally conscious, there is a theme to this pregnancy in that my husband thinks that a lot of my decisions (CD, BF, natural birth, exclusive midwifery practice, prenatal yoga outside of my gym membership, etc.) are kind of pretentious and he feels like I am trying to "one up" myself by doing things the hardest way possible and that these things are "trendy."  (He especially feels this way about CDing.)  I *obviously* disagree and think a lot of his characterizations are unfair, but I also want to be respectful of his equal status in the decision making process for things that impact our child.

    1. On the ick factor, disposable diapers are not going to help your husband here. Babies are all kinds of adorable and all kinds of ick. Spit up, vomit, poo, and so much more. My daughter blew out of disposable diapers all.the.time. So clothes or diapers, it's likely there is poopy laundry in your future. Beyond that, I think CDs just have a stigma, and once your husband learns more about them, they won't seem so bad. That was my experience, anyway.

    2. The second bolded is a much bigger issue, I think. I apologize in advance for unsolicited advice, but I hope you are talking this through. It's really helpful for you to be on the same page about parenting philosophy -- and really hard on the marriage if you're not.

    3. The notion that BFing, of all things, is pretentious or trendy is absurd. Trendy? Like was in style thousands of years ago and suddenly came back? Smile

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    imageDC2London:
    imageRynleigh:

     Every last one of my friends and family members who CDs has children who are constantly getting stomach viruses and diaper rashes (two things my children practically *never* had with disposable diapers), none of them manage to potty train their children before the age of three, 

    I'm not saying you are wrong, bc I don't know your friends or family, but we have used cloth since J was 3 months old and he has never had a stomach virus, rarely has rashes, and he is already mostly potty trained at 2y3m.  I'm just one person, but I have not experienced any of the things you mentioned, nor have I seen them in friends who CD.  Just another side to the story. 

    Just  honestly curious, but how in the world can cloth diapers make a person sick? Like yours, my evidence is only anectdotal, but my daughter had her share of viruses and she wasn't potty trained fully until she was 3, and we mostly used disposable diapers. My guess is the viruses came from the germ-share at daycare, and the potty training happened when it did because that was when she was ready.  

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    I plan to CD and love your presentation idea.  I did that once to try to talk my DH into something, I don't remember what though so I guess I was not very persuasive :)

    If all else fails and he will not budge, check out www.honest.com - that is Jessica Alba's company.  The diapers have less chemicals and are a little better for the environment I think.

    I hope he will come around.  It is definitely not like it used to be.  My friend has been doing it for 2 years and loves it.  Tons less money, less diaper rash, less impact on the environment.  Win win win :)

    Good luck! 

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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    A PP's suggestion of looking into a diaper service in your area is another possible compromise....google around and see what you can find.  They will deliver clean diapers once a week and take away the dirty ones.  

    We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013.  We love her to pieces.  

    We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011.  She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.


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    DH is not thrilled with CDing.  He agrees that it is best for our family but is not looking forward to it.  I agreed to deal with the poop but I'm pretty sure he will end up helping with that when needed.  He already agreed to do the laundry if I have to recover from a C-section and can't do the stairs.  

    Also, it shouldn't just be you convincing him to CD.  He should make an argument for disposables and convince you to use them, if he feels that strongly about it.  DH and I sat down and discussed why I wanted to CD and why he wanted to use sposies.  Cost and not wanting chemicals on our babies were the deciding factors.   

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    I think that AIOs would work well for your husband.  No need for pins or fumbling around with diaper covers or stuffing pockets.  My BG AIOs are just as easy as a disposable diaper to use.

    Also, are you BFing?  If so, as long as you're not doing any solids your husband can just toss the diaper with poop and all into the diaper pail.  It's just as easy as tossing one in the trash.

    But if it's still a big deal, tell him you're willing to do all the laundry (if it's that important to you).

    We have used CD for all of our children, but I do 99.9% of the diaper changes, so DH never had anything bad to say about them.  He just sees the thousands of dollars we have saved over the last five years and that makes him really happy.

    ETA - folding.  pshhh.  My diapers now live in a hamper next to the changing table.  They come out of the dryer, go in a hamper, and are pulled straight out of the hamper and put on baby.   I'm so lazy.  lol

        
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    imageRynleigh:

     and unless you are diligent about your cleanliness/sanitation and you are on top of diaper changes, all I see is stress on baby's body. .

    Just curious about what stress you see?  My kids never have diaper rashes.  In fact, the only times they ever have had them is when we have used disposables.

    I'm wondering if your experience with CDing when you were younger has clouded your judgment.  CDing has come a long way since pins and Gerber pants (that's what I used when I had my oldest because my mom and MIL taught me with them - they were so much work).  A nice AIO or pocket diaper is so easy to use!

        
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