in law vent

bubble515

need to vent and suggestions..long story short im at the end of my pregnancy am not close to my MIL. ive tried to and gave up. the last time i saw her was june (lives close) at my shower. she was going to oversee one part of the shower and never did nor returned my calls as we were supposed to go together.

anyway, i hear from her today because my FIL was visiting. she wants to come over to help me tweak the nursery. i didnt ask her for help and she has been MIA. she flat out said she is going to come over and do that... didnt ask me. guess im going to have to move things after she leaves.

LovesMM

Don't let her in?

bubble515

she first said she wanted to come over and me wanting a "relationship" was like yea, im home all the time.. then she threw the curve ball.  

im irked because she has been MIA and wants to now "review" what ive done to tweak to her liking.   how can i tactfully deal with this?  ive heard she can be overbearing with grandkids and i think im going to be dealing with that too

tarebear9891

Just say "thanks for the offer but I already have the nursery how I like it." Then maybe offer to go to lunch instead.

ThePolishHammer

Just tell her no thanks. The nursery is already done. 

Jessys_Girl

bubble515:

she first said she wanted to come over and me wanting a "relationship" was like yea, im home all the time.. then she threw the curve ball.

im irked because she has been MIA and wants to now "review" what ive done to tweak to her liking. how can i tactfully deal with this? ive heard she can be overbearing with grandkids and i think im going to be dealing with that too

You be direct and assertive. People can only be as overbearing as you let them.

Let me play it out for you:

She gets there, you say your hello's and she heads into the nursery. you follow politely. She looks around and begins to critique or physically move things, you then say:

"Oh, MIL, thank you, but we wanted the glider over here because that's where I'll be most comfortable"

or

"Oh, thanks for the help, but we've really got the nursery just about finished and DH and I are going to put the final touches on it tonight/tomorrow/next week when he and I can do it together."

After you've fed her one of these phrases you sweetly say,

"Would you like a glass of tea, we could sit out on the porch and visit"

Or

"How about we go grab some lunch, I'm famished, and I'd love to just visit and catch up since we haven't seen each other since my shower last month!"

 

And really, this: 

tarebear9891:

Just say "thanks for the offer but I already have the nursery how I like it." Then maybe offer to go to lunch instead.

[Deleted User]

bubble515:

she first said she wanted to come over and me wanting a "relationship" was like yea, im home all the time.. then she threw the curve ball.  

im irked because she has been MIA and wants to now "review" what ive done to tweak to her liking.   how can i tactfully deal with this?  ive heard she can be overbearing with grandkids and i think im going to be dealing with that too

You tell her that if she wants a relationship, that is wonderful & you look forward to it.  You also kindly tell her that coming in to rearrange your house ain't gonna happen, so it would be wise to have an alternative plan in mind (like a movie or lunch) to "build your relationship."

Also, where is your husband in this scenario?  Is he stuck in the garage & not willing to talk to her?  It's his dang mom.  Step up bro.