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September 2012 Moms
Ugh, men. (DH and Father vent...long)
I think today is the day I kill my husband. Well, not kill, but finally really get a good yelling in. MH (like many, I'm sure) is not really great at remembering things that I ask him to do. So, 2 1/2 weeks ago, I made him a to-do list of 3 things that I wanted done by Aug. 1. Straighten the garage so I can park my car in there, fix or replace the bathroom mirror that he broke, and talk to his insurance person about plans and adding LO to his plan (I have student insurance that expires when I graduate in May, so it makes more sense to add the baby to his insurance that he'll have for years). Forward to today, NONE of it has been done. Really? It's 3 things.
Also, he's been spending a lot of money on eating out during the week. Like $50 a week (which is a lot of money a month for us). I've asked him to please just make a lunch and bring it with him, but he never does. He also went out with a friend last night and spent another $50 on dinner and drinks. I manage our budget, so now I have to try to find $50 somewhere else to make sure our bills are paid on time. About a year ago, we agreed to both close our personal accounts and put all of our money into one account to make things easier. Well, the other day I saw a statement from his old bank (and I know I was wrong to do this), so I opened it and saw that he also deposits $150 a check into that account and uses it for fun things for him. I give myself $25 a week to get a coffee or go out with friends. I'm not going to say anything, but it hurt my feelings.
DH has had some depression issues in the past and he'll occasionally go and get medication, but then he'll take it for a month and then stop, which is really bad for you. I just want him to get his sh!t together! We have a baby coming in less than 40 days! The time has come! Ugh.
And as for my dad, he's been out of my life for most of it. He's got drug and alcohol issues, but this will be his first grandchild so I'm really trying to make an effort to keep him informed. He's always saying that he doesn't have money to travel for holidays and what not. Well, the other day he texted me a picture of the new Jaguar he just bought. Also, he's only talked about coming to see his grandson when it coincides with another trip. He'll try to "swing by" on his way back from a conference. Or, he'll try to "swing by" on his way back from my cousin's wedding. Um, isn't seeing your first grandchild more important than going to your niece's wedding??
Sorry for the rant. Just very frustrated with the men in my life today. 
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Re: Ugh, men. (DH and Father vent...long)
Ooh man I don't blame you at all for being upset. If I found out MH had an account that he was squirreling that much money away to blow on himself I'd be p-ed too! I'm all for each of us having our play money but when money becomes a secret then it's not okay in my book!
And I hear you on the chore list. I've been on DH for over a month now to mow our front lawn and he hasn't done it. I'm just waiting on the hostile letter or memo from the HOA.
I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your DH about what being an adult really means! It's one thing to keep hidden money, but to also keep spending money and you can barely pay your bills is something ridiculously over the top.
Can I ask why you would want your dad, alcoholic and drug user around your kid? My dad is an alcoholic and he lives in my town so I will be seeing him when my child is born. I've told him if he has been drinking then he is not allowed to hold my child and if I go to his house then I will promptly leave. I do not want my child around that kind of behavior. Why would you?
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Justify it all you want, he's stocking $300 a month away without telling you about it. I'd be p!ssed, I'm p!ssed for you & I cannot believe you think it's OK.
Who cares if he makes more? If he wants to save fun money up then he's free to do so but that $300 a month needs to be added into the budget. Especially with a child on the way.
I can't even get my words out correctly because if I were in your shoes...
I think it's important to have as many people who love my son in his life as possible. I would never let my father near my son if he'd been drinking or using. He lives in CA, we live in IL so him being around a lot is not going to happen, but I think he needs to be a part of my son's life as long as he's sober. My dad and I were estranged for a while, but I want to move past it and let my son have another grandfather. So, as long as he's sober, he's welcome in my home.
I haven't brought up the secondary account to MH yet because I know he's having some depression issues. If I bring it up now, it'll only make things worse. I plan on talking to him again tonight about going back on his medication. I think it would be more constructive to have the conversation when he's in a better state of mind. Again, it's not the end of the world. MH is a good man and he's going to be a great father. I'm just hurt that he felt he needed to hide it. When he's like this, he tends to lie to avoid confrontation. So, I've learned to pick my battles. Right now, he needs to get back on his medication and stay on it. After that happens, we can talk about the rest.
sorry you are going thru all this! no one's perfect, but i think it def warrants a conversation about your concerns, you know your husband best, so talk to him when you think it would be most effective, just as long as it's soon. new baby is stressful enough, you want to be on the same page with your husband when your little one comes along.