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Don't think I will ever have another rainbow baby ( DS mentioned)

baby101010baby101010 member
in TTC After a Loss
So I havent posted in awhile- but I certainly have been lurking.... Not having a great night- tonight I feel like I will never have another rainbow baby--- Its just such a strong feeling tonight.... I guess maybe because 12 months ago is when we started this journey to give DS a sibling... and now 12 months and 3 miscarriages later we are back at square one.... and I feel so negative about it.... I just have such a strong feeling that I cant shake... It almost makes me want to pull back and go back to TTA until that feeling leaves.... maybe I am not ready to TTC.... I dont know- at the same time- I dont feel  my family is complete.... Ugh- why is this whole process such utter hell....
BabyFruit Ticker BFP #7 2/4/13- EDD 10/20/13
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Re: Don't think I will ever have another rainbow baby ( DS mentioned)

  • HoolahZingerHoolahZinger member
    I am so very sorry. I too am having that inner struggle with giving DD a sibling. It's hard, and nighttime never makes it easier. Hang in there ((HUGS))
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    EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves

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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • AnoraStarAnoraStar
    :( So sorry you're having a rough night ((HUGS))
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  • Que*SyrahQue*Syrah member

    I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I am in the same place right now. I don't really feel like our family is complete but I'm not entirely sure how much more heartache I can take. We have been TTA since my D&C 6 months ago. It seemed so much easier to sort of "move on" and try again with the first two losses.

    Hang in there. I hope you find peace in your life, whatever you decide.

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  • April!April! member
    I'm so sorry you're hurting and for all you've been through. (((HUGS))))
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #2 9/5/2012 -- Born 5/20/2013 -- Welcome, rainbow baby!
    BFP #1 1/24/12 -- No HB 2/16/12 -- Misoprostol 3/10/12
    image image image
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  • RedPhoenix625RedPhoenix625
    I think many of us can empathize.  I am terrified, terrified, of never becoming a mother.  I'm sorry you are feeling similar fear.  It is suffocating.  I wish there was something I could say to help. but I haven't figured it out myself yet.  ((((HUGS))))
    PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
    TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
    2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
    2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
    2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
    IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
    So lost.
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  • LSzwayaLSzwaya member
    I am so sorry. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 5 losses in a row and almost 2 years in. I just keep looking at DS and telling myself he NEEDS a sibling and it keeps me going. ((HUGS))
    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
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  • Bizzy80Bizzy80 member
    (Big hugs) I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now.
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  • Ana0927Ana0927 member

    I feel the same way all the time.  It breaks my heart when I see my DD play with other babies. I feel like a failure for not being able to give her a sibling.  As each month goes by I lose hope that it will ever happen. 

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  • kread8kread8 member
    I'm so sorry you are struggling right now.  T&Ps going out to you.  *hugs*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    M/C 7/8/12

    Perfect baby boy born 7/8/13

    BFP 8/20/14 EDD 4/27/15 It's a GIRL!!

     

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  • Laurakat81Laurakat81 member
    (((Hugs))) I feel that way a lot too.

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


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  • egsquaredegsquared member
    I feel this way too. We've had three losses in the past year, and it makes me so sad to think that we may not be able to give DD a sibling. I've been lurking a lot lately too. Big ((hugs)) to all of you ladies.
    TTC #1 since 6/08. Cycle #6 - BFP 12/22/08, EDD 9/3/09, DD 8/14/09 at 37w1d
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2 since 6/11
    me=36 - low AMH, DH=38
    BFP #2 - 8/31/11, EDD 5/10/12, M/C 9/23/11
    BFP #3 - 3/4/12, EDD 11/14/12, CP 3/11/12
    BFP #4 - 5/9/12, EDD 1/19/13, CP 5/11/12
    BFP #5 - 8/22/12, EDD 5/5/13, CP 8/24/12
    IVF#1 - January 2013 - EPP/Antagonist - 7R, 3M, 2F, 3dt of 2 8-cell embies
    BFP #6 - 2/3/13, EDD 10/15/13, DS 9/18/13 at 36w1d
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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