anyone modify DA w/o an attorney?

Holly_1007

DH went to the courthouse tuesday, after we haven't heard anything from our attorney since march about modifying his divorce agreement. 

backstory: in Oct we filed to modify, in Dec, DH & BM had mediation and nothing was solved.  DH bugged his attorney every. single. day. until march when the attorney said he finally filed something to go in front of a judge.

attorney has not returned any phone calls since march. and guess what DH found out when he went to the courthouse: the attorney lied and NEVER FILED ANYTHING. 

I'm SO pissed.  honestly, probably MORE pissed than DH.  

This attorney is a "friend" of MIL and had told MIL and DH that he was willing to work out an alternate payment schedule for us, so although we haven't dropped a TON of money, we have still spent about $2k and gotten absolutely nowhere.

At this point we do NOT have the money to pay in full for an attorney, so we are contemplating going in to modify without one.  Anyone ever done this successfully? 

FWIW here is what we are trying to modify:

Transportation: We currently do all transportation.  It is not specified in the current DA, but every time DH asks BM to drive/ meet halfway/ pick up she says no.  we are asking for BM to split transportation 50/50.

Holidays: The holiday schedule pretty much says "to be agreed upon by the parties" which generally translates to whatever the eff BM wants and we have no choice but to go with it, so we are going to specify all holidays. (we are fine with them being even, just looking to make dates/ times more specific)

Visitation: DH has EOWE visitation 5:30fri-4:30sun.  the DA also says "As the child gets older the parties will agree to earlier pick ups, later drop offs, and additional overnights given reasonable advance notice". SD wasn't even 1 when this was written, but it is WAY too vague and gives BM all the leverage to keep SD away from DH (which she does everytime she gets pissy about something) We are looking to have BM drop her off after school on fri's, we will bring her to school mon. and we want wed overnight visits.  

We also need to re-word a life insurance policy clause.  

Of course BM is going to go in and say she wants the child support adjusted since there hasn't been a re-calc since the original agreement, but little does she know this is going to backfire on her as DH is currently making LESS than when they got divorced.  

anyway... does anyone have any insight?

jnjmommy0609

No words of wisdom just sympathy. My lawyer is a lot like that too. 

emikat

No words of wisdom either here.  But just curious how you would get BM to agree to the changes without an attorney or formal process?  If she's agreeable to these things, I would think that you could draft something and have it notarized.  But, I don't know for sure how much it would hold up. 

CFjo2010

I think your first step is to have DH contact the attorney and demand a refund, and inform the attorney that he will be reporting him to the State Bar Association for lying to a client. If that doesn't light a fire under the lawyer's butt then the attorney deserves a Bar reprimand.

Next, check with the Court and see if they have free or low-cost legal aide.  A lot of Courts have people who will tell you what paperwork needs filled out and will tell you the procedure for filing and Court rules. They can't give legal advice, but they can help fill out the forms.  DH can file in pro per (as his own attorney) and get the ball rolling. 

xmaryrickx

I would ask that the lawyer give you everything he has done, and a record of it all, and a break down of your billing. I look at $2000 in lawyer bills and think that is one months worth of "work", but we were paying an average of $1800 a month for almost 7 years to a lawyer, so I realize my perspective is skewed. Still 2k is nothing in lawyer land. 

Honestly, I dont think your H stands a chance in court without a strong lawyer backing him. And I wouldn't be so sure about the CS situation either. He divorced her within the last five years, or less really. It's not like he was making his higher salary 15 years ago when the economy was booming. I know my H was told you made X five years ago, you can make X again-except he works in sales and this was 2002 when the economy was booming till 2007 te beginning of the crash. 

 

Now might be the time to pull on mommys purse strings. 

Holly_1007

emikat:

No words of wisdom either here.  But just curious how you would get BM to agree to the changes without an attorney or formal process?  If she's agreeable to these things, I would think that you could draft something and have it notarized.  But, I don't know for sure how much it would hold up. 

BM is not agreeable to any of the changes, hence the failed mediation.  we would need to go in front of a judge.  I was wondering if anyone has had any success going in front of a judge without an attorney for (seemingly) mild alterations to a divorce agreement/ custody order.  

Holly_1007

jobalchak:

I think your first step is to have DH contact the attorney and demand a refund, and inform the attorney that he will be reporting him to the State Bar Association for lying to a client. If that doesn't light a fire under the lawyer's butt then the attorney deserves a Bar reprimand.

Next, check with the Court and see if they have free or low-cost legal aide.  A lot of Courts have people who will tell you what paperwork needs filled out and will tell you the procedure for filing and Court rules. They can't give legal advice, but they can help fill out the forms.  DH can file in pro per (as his own attorney) and get the ball rolling. 

Well you would think DH's first action would be to call the attorney and flip out as soon as he figured this out... its been 4 days and he hasn't even contacted him (anyone here surprised? I'm not..)

BM is being somewhat civil at the moment, but I'm pretty sure its because its summer.  As soon as school starts its going to be war all over again because she refuses to let us have SD on school nights.  I'm TRYING to encourage DH to be pre-emptive about the situation, knowing it could take a few months to get the ball rolling.  *sigh*

I don't know if we would qualify for low-cost legal aide, DH has a decent income, we just have a lot of debt.  I will definitely encourage him to ask about this though, thanks for the suggestion

Holly_1007

xmaryrickx:

I would ask that the lawyer give you everything he has done, and a record of it all, and a break down of your billing. I look at $2000 in lawyer bills and think that is one months worth of "work", but we were paying an average of $1800 a month for almost 7 years to a lawyer, so I realize my perspective is skewed. Still 2k is nothing in lawyer land. 

Honestly, I dont think your H stands a chance in court without a strong lawyer backing him. And I wouldn't be so sure about the CS situation either. He divorced her within the last five years, or less really. It's not like he was making his higher salary 15 years ago when the economy was booming. I know my H was told you made X five years ago, you can make X again-except he works in sales and this was 2002 when the economy was booming till 2007 te beginning of the crash. 

 

Now might be the time to pull on mommys purse strings. 

I have been keeping pretty immaculate records, so I have almost everything that the lawyer has done.  I realize to a lawyer 2k is nothing, but when your entire income for 1 month is 2k its a lot.  

Our state has a CS calculator online, I filled it out last Oct when the process first began.  I think I was missing BM's numbers, but I computed them at full time min wage (which she makes more than that) and I think it came out pretty close to what we are paying now, give or take literally a few dollars a month.  can't remember if the new baby will play a part in this or not, I will need to re-visit this. 

The reason we went with this attorney in the first place was hoping MIL would help out a little with the costs (flame away, trust me, I HATE relying on her for stuff, but if its important enough to DH and we just can't afford it then I turn my head when she writes a check, and then have a chip on my shoulder for days about it).  I'm pretty sure she paid for his entire divorce last time.  if we asked I have no doubt that she would help us. I just HATE asking for help.  

thanks for the suggestions though!

kllrbnny

I would look into filing a complaint with your state board. That is really unethical behavior on your lawyer's part. Secondly, I would not in a million years try to modify custody/visitation without a lawyer. BM does not sound amenable to the changes and her lawyer will rake you over the coals if you don't have proper representation. Any lawyer worth his/her salt will give you a free consultation and you'll be able to get a feel for him/her. Check the phone book or google search your area, a lot of lawyers advertise that they accept payments.

Your CO is extremely vague and when the parents are unable to get along then that is bad news. My CO is pretty darn cut & dry but BD still finds a way to interpret things to his advantge. You need to get this fixed.

I felt that my lawyer for the initial custody order just gave in to what BD wanted for 90% of things and I wasn't very happy about it. When BD filed for custody a second time 8 yrs later I interviewed and found an attorney I really liked. Things went much better this time around.

Lastly, BM's lawyer will ask for a CS increase b/c that is just standard practise. I also wouldn't be expecting the payments to drop unless YH has had a significant decrease in pay.

Good luck with everything. I feel your pain.

doadance

Just yesterday I filed all of my response paperwork to my ex's request to change. I did it all by myself and didn't spend a dime. What state/county are you in? Most court houses have a "help" center where you can go in and ask what forms you need to file and they will even review them for you before you file. I personally didn't need to use them because I used to work for a lawyer for 3 years and while I'm not a certified Paralegal or Legal Secretary, I worked with the forms, court process, and filing process enough to know how to do it on my own... I would be more than willing to offer any "opinions" you might want (since legally I can't say I will offer you legal advice!) lol. 

Another option is going to a Paralegal, they are cheaper than lawyers by a LOT and will help you with the proper forms, file it for you, etc.  

kllrbnny

doadance:

Just yesterday I filed all of my response paperwork to my ex's request to change. I did it all by myself and didn't spend a dime. What state/county are you in? Most court houses have a "help" center where you can go in and ask what forms you need to file and they will even review them for you before you file. I personally didn't need to use them because I used to work for a lawyer for 3 years and while I'm not a certified Paralegal or Legal Secretary, I worked with the forms, court process, and filing process enough to know how to do it on my own... I would be more than willing to offer any "opinions" you might want (since legally I can't say I will offer you legal advice!) lol. 

Another option is going to a Paralegal, they are cheaper than lawyers by a LOT and will help you with the proper forms, file it for you, etc.  

Just know that while both of these sources can help you with paperwork, neither of them can give you legal advice or opinions. And if you do go this route you are still going to want to have a lawyer in mind for court. Something like this is way to important to do it on your own & risk BM's lawyer butchering you in court. And this is coming from a BM who is a paralegal.

twister22

I would report the current attorney, and find a new one a.s.a.p. I would NOT go into court without a lawyer. Ask MIL for help, or go further into debt. It's worth it for SD.

Although, only do this if this is what your DH wants to do.