Divided on baptizing the baby
A few months ago, I raised the issue of having our first child baptized at the church I work at right after she was born. My husband who is not religious objected and said he doesn't want his child baptized as an infant, but rather he wants her to make the decision herself when she is old enough to decide. If I were to get her baptized as a newborn DO gave me two choices
A. Did it at the church without him knowing and not telling the child
B. I did it myself without telling anyone
I talked to my therapist that I was upset about this. I told her that I did want to baptized my newborn, but I didn't want to upset my husband. I am a church worker and do believe in infant baptism, and my family and co-workers are expecting some sort of public baptism at the church. She said that the best compromise might be is to have a private baptism at home with my husband where I did the baptism myself. That way I feel satisfied that she was baptized but that I didn't offend my husband by having it performed by an organized religious institution. I haven't suggest this to him, but I know he is not going for this. I'm not sure how to proceed. If I had it my way, I would do the baptism at the church so that I would share this special experience with family and friends. I don't know what to do, and this issue is making me sad that I can't enjoy this experience with my child.
PS. I appreciate a response from someone who is not a Baptist, Seventh Day Adventist or atheist/agnostic because I understand they don't believe in infant baptism.
Re: Divided on baptizing the baby
Mud??
Are you ordained, if so how? How are you able to baptize your child?
Assuming this is real...
I can see both points of this debate. This is something that should have been discussed prior to the event needing discussing. I'm a little surprised your husband is acting like this is news to him if you're a religious person, attend church each week and practice it. I would assume he knew you'd want this.
I would tell him that you want to baptize her, with family, friends and HIM present but always support and encourage her to make her own choice later in life if she decides to change her religion.
Compromise.
DH wants to have a baptism I do not. I think you really need to speak more to your H about it.
As you are active in your church I understand why it is important. If my DH was active in the church I would be more willing to consider his request. But as neither of us have been in church other then funerals and our wedding in years I think its a stupid idea.
So talk to him about why it is important to you and suggest that if he wants her to be able to make an informed choice that he take the role of teaching baby about other religions.
I attend a non denominational Christian church, and we do "baby dedications" and then when the child is old enough to make that choice on their own the pastor actually baptises them. Perhaps this would be a compromise your DH would be comfortable with?
ETA: te dedication means that you are going to do your part to bring them up in the word of the lord, so that they can make the proper choice when they are able.
If this is real...
My friends were in the same spot as you were (she wanted it, he did not - for the same reasons) so they had a very informal baptism/BBQ in their backyard - the baptism part took less than 10 min and then we all had a fun BBQ and social time afterwards. The minister who did it was very fun and had a great sense of humour. They both felt good about it afterwards and it turned out to be a perfect compromise for them.
Thanks for the responses, and I realize this discussion can be controversial and there are many theological views on baptism. Therefore, I will avoid the debate on baptism practices.
All I can say is that I'm Lutheran, and we do believe lay people can perform a baptism so I don't have an issue whether or not a member of the clergy does it.
Then you are not baptizing your child. Have your fun dunking your baby's head in water and thinking to yourself your child is saved and lying to your husband about it. Glad you think lying to your husband is showing your child how to live the Christian way.
WELS lutheran here, and we are typically considered the most conservative of the Lutherans. However, I seem to remember our pastor telling us once in catechism that we were allowed to perform baptisms. All you need is water and the word. I could be totally wrong since this was 17 years ago, but that is how I remember it FWIW.
I was raised Catholic (so I'm not sure about Lutherans though I know they have similar practicies) but it's true that anyone can perform a baptism, even a non-baptised person. However, this is usually reserved for extreme cases, as in the person wishing to be baptised in on their death bead: https://www.aboutcatholics.com/worship/baptism/
As for your original question, I don't think the options you listed will make either of you happy. My husband and I sort of went through the same thing when we were deciding whether or not to baptise our daughter, except that my husband and I were on the same page and it was our parents (mostly my parents) who were strongly pushing us to baptise her. We both grew up in very Catholic households, went to Catholic schools, lived in very Catholic neighborhoods, etc. so Baptism to my family was more than just bringing the baby into the church. It was more of family tradition or milestone, a celebration of the new baby. So, even though my husband and I are very liberal and happen to disagree with a lot of the church's political and social views, we decided to baptise her anyway (and will this one)because we knew the social and traditional aspect of it was important to us and our families. Our children will still grow up aware of all different beliefs and creeds and be allowed to make their own decisions regarding religion when they're older. Perhaps if you feel stringly about having a baptism, this is another way you can present it to your husband.
Okay, I'll play.
1. Don't baptize your kid behind your SO's back. Very bad form. Don't assume he won't compromise. Talk to him.
2. Maybe consider a baby dedication instead? I'm Mennonite and we don't believe in baby baptisms. A baby dedication is a way to introduce your child to the church, dedicate him/her to the Lord, and commit to raising him/her in the ways of Christ.
Yes, as I noted in my post, it is only for extreme cases, i.e. deathbed. I wasn't implying that any old Joe could perform a baptism just because they wanted to. And I wasn't trying to justify the OP's desire to perform one herself. Obviously, her case would not qualify as extreme. I was simply pointing out to the other posters who said it could not be done that, yes, in some cases it can.