Question about IL visit

Caroli1210 · July 2012

Hi! I mostly lurk here for info but needed some outside advice/perspective on a situation with my MIL. My son is 9 weeks old and two weeks ago started being pretty consistent with a daily routine. I like to encourage it because he seems happier,less fussy and is starting to sleep really well at night.

For some reason my MIL seems to prefer sleeping babies. When they visit she wants to hold him the entire time even though my son likes his activity may, tummy time (in small doses) or just lying on a blanket and moving his arms and legs. He loves for us to talk to him and he's smiling a lot so it's fun. Anyway, as I said, despite my husband and me encouraging her to play with him and ignoring the baby's frustration, she just wants to rock him to sleep.

I understand she wants to hold him but it's for almost six hours straight minus time to feed and change him. Even then, I have to ask her about four or five times to let me have my son. It doesn't seem to bother her that he's starting to get fussy because he's hungry or uncomfortable.

I do really like her and they only stop by for a day visit once every three weeks so it's not worth making a fuss over but what is going on here? I'm trying to be so polite and respectful but why is she so reluctant to hand him over? And I don't understand why she seemed to get a little annoyed when I asked her not to shush and rock the baby to sleep after he'd just finished taking a 2.5 hour nap. Am I being a neurotic first time mom? Should I just back off when we have visitors and not worry about feeding him on time? I didn't push a schedule on my son, by the way. I do wake him up to eat after three hours during the day if he's sleeping but that's it. When he was two weeks old (and had jaundice) she said she couldn't believe I was waking a sleeping baby to feed him. Again, she was holding him but it had been three hours and he only weighed about 6.5 lbs. I just don't understand. This is her sixth grandchild not her first, so you would think she'd be laid back, right?

babyruth88 · July 2012

I dont get my mil either. I personally would say something next time she does that trying to put the baby right back to sleep again is extreme unless the kid is tired but your mom and you know best. My mil tried telling me shes experienced" i wanted to slap her but instead said thats nice but im experienced when it come to my daughter and know her better then you do. This was after she tried telling me ava wasnt hungry she just wanted to pace. I would say something though if it bothers you. Routines are important for babies

freezorburn · July 2012

You've described my MIL exactly! Except my DS is her first grandchild.

My MIL came from out of state for the first month to help us out because DH travels a lot for work. She behaved exactly like your MIL, made it hard for us to establish BF and get any kind of routine down. Because she really wanted to just rock the baby to sleep all day long. DS also had jaundice and I think because of MIL's reluctance to hand him over every 3 hours had trouble getting back up to birth weight.

Honestly, I don't understand it either. And goodness knows I've tried.

DH likens it to an addiction. The baby is like crack cocaine to her, she just goes into a trance when she has him and doesn't care about anything else. Even if that means the baby is starving to sleep.

Tucanreg · July 2012

IMO : Your baby, Your house, Your rules!!!!!

She has to start respecting your decisions as a mom soon enough or you could have some issues when baby gets older!!

Sawyerplus1 · July 2012

I think maybe there needs to be some give and take on both sides.I dont think either of you is wrong, per se. I think you could probably ease off a little bit when MIL is visiting (how often is this?). I know both my mom and my MIL LOVE to hold and cuddle my LOs, no matter how many other grandchildren they have. And it's certainly not a big deal; I'm very thankful the LOs have grandparents that love them. And if you feel the need, then be more firm with your mIL and establish more boundaries for her. But like I said, it needs to be a bit of give and take on both ends.

Your LO really is still so young. Whatever routine they've established now could very well change at any moment (babies tend to do that). And at 9 weeks old LO doesn't need to be entertained on activity mats, etc. That's fun and good, but being held for a few hours longer than normal by grandma once in a while is certainly not bad either.

Good luck! My oldest LO is 4.5 and I still have issues with how my MIL does things with the LOs, but I just do my best to keep things in perspective.