I've got the "No Shower Blues"
So we were recently married and before our wedding my IL's and my husband's family threw us a surprise bridal shower. It was a very loving gesture and I had a great time. It was mostly my husband's family and extended family and a few friends.
Now we are pregnant with our first child and when speaking to his mother (my MIL) suggested that because her family threw the bridal shower they should not be responsible for a baby shower in any way. Okay, I understand that from the financial standpoint and maybe just the work that goes into a shower (invitations, supplies, etc.)
But my family has all but moved and the closest relatives I have live nearly 3 hours away. My mother is half way across the country and my sister lives 9 hours by car. I recently lost my job and the many friends had from work are no more. I know that my family wouldn't be able to plan a shower in a town hours away from where they live... I just can't see that happening.
I know we don't "need" a shower, but I think every woman wants to celebrate her first baby. It's a special time for us. I've thought about a "Meet the Baby" gathering (with no registry info or any of that) after the baby is born, but I am due end of November and we live in the mountains... the roads can be covered with snow and ice at anytime throughout the fall to spring. Not to mention that there are several major holidays between November and January and I'm not sure how long after the baby is born you can still have a "Meet the Baby" party.
I think I'm just feeling silly, but my husband has so many family members and people I'd like to celebrate with. For instance, we had almost 150 people from his family to invite to our wedding. And they do frequent family reunions and tons of baby showers for people. There were two baby showers for his extended family (second and third cousins) last year that I and MIL attended.
Any opinions?
Re: I've got the "No Shower Blues"
Thanks. I figure we probably won't have one, but I guess I'm just feeling disappointed. I didn't know I'd enjoy a bridal shower until we had one. (I also wasn't told about it and didn't expect to have one being it was a surprise.)
I'm not sure when to do a MTB party but I would think it'd have to be January after the holidays are over.
After everything I just weent through with my shower hosted by MIL, I suggest go & buy what you need ASAP. Hold onto receipts in case someone ends up throwing you a shower. It is easierr to know well in advance that you have what you need!
My BFF is throwing my shower and she doesn't live in town. So I don't see why your family couldn't do the same. Or, have any of your family offered to throw you a shower wherever they are located? Just some ideas.
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Um, no shower and no pain here. My friends and family showed me that they think Li and I are are special even without a shower.
I understand your being diappointed. My mom threw me a shower in my hometown which is 1000+ miles from both of us - so if your family offers (key phrase here - IF your family offers) to have one, it is totally doable for it to be not where you or they live.
Good luck!
This. Cindiesheart, you are being really, really melodramatic.
I didn't have a shower and yet here I am, no broken heart. Our families and friends were happy for us and our growing family. I didn't need (or want) a party with cake and punch to reaffirm that.
That's all a bit dramatic, dontcha think? Sure, it sucks if you don't get a baby shower...but it shouldn't cause you a "bullet to the heart". Maybe it's just because I'm not an entitled brat, who has experienced actual pain, but I don't think not having a shower would cause me as much pain as you are describing. Actually, I don't think not having a shower would cause most rational people as much pain as you are describing.
This is your first post. You have NO idea why we're all here. And what "advice" is there to give?
Oh FFS. You have two healthy children, and a third on the way. Did your family suddenly shun you and stop talking to you? Is the only way they can show you they care is to buy crap for you? You want pain in the heart? Check my signature. Go over to the Loss board and meet those of us who have REAL pain in their hearts, that feel they've taken real bullets to their hearts. This crap honestly infuriates me. This sort of melodramatic language because no one bought you a onesie and told you how special and wonderful you are is ridiculous. There are people with real heartache. I suggest you gain some perspective.
This is the self-entitled princess syndrome that fuels our society these days. Thank you for the visual aid.
I don't usually bring up my loss unless I'm talking with other moms on the loss board, etc. But that post seriously went all through me.
If not having a shower feels like a bullet to your heart, you have some serious issues.
Interesting choice for your first post. Please don't presume to be the authority on "why we are all here!!!"
I totally understand feeling bad about not having a shower - its okay to want one and wish things were otherwise.
What I would suggest is putting yourself in their shoes. Assuming your wedding was very recent, this family probably shelled out a ton of money for your shower and wedding itself. If you opted to have a baby right away you have to expect that there are limits to what people can and will do. If anything, even wanting them to do so much in a short time seems a bit ungrateful to me.
On the positive side it sounds like your baby will have lots of loving family members and that is a lot more important than a shower anyway.
There is also no reason that your own family cant throw you a shower even if they live far away. So maybe you might get one afterall.
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I am sorry. I understand your dissapointment. If you really want to celebrate the fact that your pregnant and having your first baby, invite everyone to your house if you can afford it. You aren't doing it for the gifts your doing it for the celebration.
People in this community frown upon you doing anything for yourself shower related but I feel if you want to do something for yourself there is nothing wrong with a celebration. Really think about it and think about why you are disappointed and if it's because of the celebration, I say go for it and take matters in your own hands and don't listen to anyones negativity. Good Luck.
Make a pregnancy ticker
This. I didn't have a shower. I still had a healthy baby, I still got presents, and people still think my son is pretty awesome.
I agree with PP, cindiesheart. Head on over to the Loss board if you want to know a REAL "bullet to the heart". Or, you know, talk to a friend of mine who recently lost her six-week-old to SIDS. Get some perspective, for fluck's sake.
As a general rule, the people who complain about "Bumpie Meanies" the most are people with less than 100 posts. There one or two exceptions, but IMHO I think it is from lack of lurking. I am not saying you have to read every post, but each board has a feel. This board is very brutally honest and also gets a lot of MUD (made up drama) or posts from women saying they will do what they want, and are looking for approval. This board also deals with etiquette on a level no other board on this site sees. Most of the posts are etiquette related and it causes a lot of debate because etiquette is not set in stone to everyone. Expressing your feelings is a lot different than acting self-entitled or flat out attacking someone for disagreeing with your original post.
Small warning. When your first posts are like this, you come across as an AE (alter ego) which really puts people off. Probably not the case since you have what appears to be a normal photo and created a ticker. However, if you lurked around a bit first (which is standard protocol for ANY message board) you would easily see why you got a major side-eye. We have all been burned too many times by AEs and trolls.
Most boards have an FAQ or a sticky at the top and one of the rist recommendations is to lurk before posting it really does help, I promise.
This is a great idea. Very special.
I do think it majorly sucks that you aren't getting a shower. And even though it would be wrong of me, I would still be kinda bummed if I wasn't getting one. Unfortunately, it is what it is. However, I assure you that anyone who wants to send a baby gift does not need an invitation to a party to do so.
I know that part of the fun is the "party" and not just the gifts, but you got the big Bridal Shower. That will have to be enough. And in a few months when your LO is here, it just won't matter anymore.
This. This board is not the same as your BMB, where you'll find more the "puppies and rainbows" type responses. Know your audience. This board is flooded with posts on a weekly basis with people looking for validation for throwing their own shower or some other equally ill mannered idea. It's the same for other boards. Lurking would tell you that posting "Squee, I got pregnant using a sex swing, you should try it" on the TTTC board or "I'm going to name my baby Nevaeh Braelyn" on Baby Names is just not going to go over well.
This is a place where you are going to get honest opinions and if something as tame as this thread is upsetting to you, might I suggest Babygaga.com or ivillage.