Sorry this is long, I've been pretty messed up about my sister's impending baby shower in three weeks. Originally we were planning on doing an IVF cycle, so everyone was aware based on how that cycle schedule worked out I may or may not have been able to attend the shower. My lovely mother went ahead and booked plane tickets before even discussing potential dates with me. Also DH and I leave for vacation 3 days later, (we planned this ages ago) so I'd be driving a total of 16 hours in a 3 day period in order to attend.
After the m/c last week, I was so wrapped up in all of that I wasn't really focusing on the shower, but now that my hcg levels have dropped my hormones are awful and I've basically been crying about it every single day and having nightmares at night about it. I can't even look at the stupid babies r us website without breaking down.
I've decided for my sanity's sake, I cannot attend her shower. Instead I'd like to visit her for a long weekend the week before, bring my gift and spend time one on one. My main concern is with my relatives and her in laws who don't know about the recent m/c. Every single person who is attending has a child and I just can't bear the thought of all the conversations surrounding motherhood and pregnancy.
I hope my family can understand, I certainly don't want to ruin my sister's day by sitting at her party and crying. I don't live there, so basically I'd have no escape mode, it's at my sister's house so I can't just go sit at the bar or go home to my house and cry by myself or anything, I'd be stuck there and then have to drive 4 hours back to NY in a completely horrible emotional state. DH has to work and can't come with me. So now I have to figure out how to tell everyone this.. still working out that plan..
Re: Update: Sister's baby shower
*hugs* Your feelings are totally understandable. Baby showers etc. are hard when you're TTC, even harder when you've recently had a miscarriage. After my miscarriage, my SIL had a baby a couple months later. DH had to go visit her and the new baby by himself because it was just too painful for me. I think everyone understood. Hopefully your family will be just as understanding. Even if they aren't, do what you need to do.
DD born 12.21.09, conceived w/ injects and IUI
TTC#2 since Nov 2011
BFP 2.6.12 m/c 6w5d | BFP 5.25.12 c/p
-Back to the RE-
3 medicated IUIs, all BFN
-Taking a break from treatment-
BFP 11.20.12 ~ EDD 7.28.13
I agree with pps-- I think you're making the best choice based on everything you've got going on with your body, life, etc.
Would you be able to tell your sister first in private? Then she can tell your family and end any discussions about it with a firm "I am okay with it and I'm the one who matters, here, so let's discuss something else."??
This must have been a really hard decision for you to make-- I hope your family can understand and respect it. ((hugs))
<br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>
I think that's probably the best way for me to approach it. I'm not all that worried about how either of my sister's will react, it's more my mom that I think will fail to understand.
I feel like after I made this decision this weekend, a big load fell off my shoulders. I've been trying to put up a strong front, but I realize I'm going to make myself physically sick over this, sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be less than perfect and if people don't understand, so be it..
Me 41 DH 46 Not actively ttc, surprise BFP on 1/6/11! 4/1/11 m/c our sunshine at 16wks after complications from CVS test. TTC #2 **5th cycle 12/6/11 BFP! Missed m/c at 9 weeks 1/21/12, trisomy 14. Two Chemical PG 3/12&7/12
** BFP 8/16/12 beta #1 148! beta#2 407 beta #3 4000 u/s 9.10 1 lovely hb 126, Baby Boy is due 04/28/13!!
Very well said. And I think your sisters will have your back with your mom. My sister and I are always running interference and having to set our mom straight for each other.
I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. It's hard to do sometimes. ((hugs again))
<br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>
Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY! Aiden was born 08/20/2013.
IVF #2 is in progress. ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI. ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived. We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14. 1st beta - 111. 2nd beta - 159 didn't double 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic. Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome? 06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope! 06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally! 06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
I think this is great. As much as I'm sure you'd like to be there for your sister, you need to take care of yourself first.
ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive. Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)
DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!