How do you do it??

KrazyKat35

I am 9 days pp with DS#2. Tomorrow is my first day alone with both the boys and i am kinda scared. DS1 is hitting those terrible twos and is completely defiant(Sp) on the best of days and completely out of control and terrible on the worst. No matter what method of disipline i use it doesnt work. I try to explain why that is not okay, and give him something that is his and something he can play with.

I feel like i am a horrible mother cause i cant seem to figure out how to deal with a almost two yr old and a nine day old. I feel like i am goin to fail hard core at this. I mean DS2 and i are still trying to get on a schedule and i am still trying to figure out what all his noises and cries mean.

How do you guys do it. I mean i have been a SAHM all of DS1's life. but how do you manage to juggle two of them? Does it make me a horrible mother feeling this way??

babypuplove

The first year with a newborn and toddler is rough.  At least it was for me.  Just know that it does get better, and you aren't alone in feeling like this.  It really is a juggling act and you will have to learn to give in a little with certain things (mess around the house, cooking, tv, etc).  It will never be as easy as it was with one, but it will hopefully become more enjoyable as they get older and you get into a routine of some sort.  Good luck!

waterfall11

I don't have any advice since I am pregnant with #2 but just wanted to say this doesn't make you a horrible mother.  I am already terrified of how I will handle 2 but know we will get through.  

Mrs.Hizzo

You just figure it out. I know that is so unhelpful, and it's exactly what people told me when I was panicked about a newborn and an 18 mo. old, but it's true. You will figure it out, because there's no other option. A little bit of trial and error, and you're going to get into a groove.

FormerlyKrista555

#1: I agree with the PPs... don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are doing this 100% right, 100% of the time. We ALL feel like we have no idea what the crap we're doing sometimes.

#2: How much is your almost 2 year old sleeping? Could he use more sleep at night or longer naps? I ask, because my little girl (see ticker) is very well-behaved when she's rested, and a friggen mess when she's tired.  Maybe try putting him to bed earlier, blacking out his windows, etc?  I know every child is different and some kids sleep more than others, but I would definitely recommend trying to get him to sleep a little more.

#3: He's testing boundaries with the new baby.  Just give him lots and lots of love.  While you're holding the baby, you can still read your older child a story, talk to him, watch a cartoon with him, etc. 

#4: Even if you're in the middle of something important, it's key that you remain consistent with the 2 year old. For example, you're feeding the baby, and the toddler decides he's gonna dive-bomb off the couch. You ask him to stop. He does it again. You tell him no. He does it again.  Then you have a decision to make. IMO, in that moment, you've gotta put your baby down and discipline the toddler.  My daughter tried to get away with a lot of things when she would see I was nursing the baby, but after a few times of me interrupting the feeding and putting DS down to stop her behavior (even if it meant DS would scream bloody murder), she started behaving better.

 

GL! Things will get better. I wouldn't say it gets easier, per say, but you just get more adjusted and able to handle both kids better.

Cherryblossoms07

You will find your groove.  I didn't know how I was going to survive either at first.  DS wasn't sleeping, DD was running all over the place, DH was working long hours or gone for work, and we have no family around.  DS is now almost 8 months old and I have adjusted pretty well.  Hang in there; you will figure it out.  It helps a lot when the youngest starts sleeping through the night and establishes regular naps.

kcisthebombdotcom

Unfortunately, it's one of those things that's going to take some time. Yes, in the first few weeks it is going to be difficult. It will get easier and easier with time though.

Some tips in the first few weeks:

If your older child is acting out behaviorally, try to give him extra attention while baby naps. When he's behaving positively, offer him lots of extra praise. Also, try to involve him with the baby. Help him pat baby's back to burp. Have him grab a pack of wipes for you and a diaper. Having him help with little things will make him feel important and involved. Teach him a simple song he can sing to the baby (if he's verbal yet).

Try to prepare everything you have to ahead of time like meals for your toddler--it will make you feel less overwhelmed. Keep changing stations in all the room you spend time in. Next to the chair you will feed your newborn in, keep supplies for your older child like toys/sippy cups/snacks so you can tend to both of their needs. Read him a book and let him sit on your lap while you feed baby. Encourage gentle touch of baby.

When your DH comes home from work, hand off the kids to him after dinner. Throw on some music, go in the bathroom and take a bath/shower alone, watch a TV show--get some down time for yourself.

ariel06

One of the most useful things someone told me during my first weeks home with two was each boy is going to have to wait sometimes.  Some times DS1's needs are more urgent than the baby's.  The person said to always have sort of a conversation, "It'll be just a minute Baby, I'm helping DS1 do XYZ."  It makes DS1 feel important and that baby doesn't always come first. 

MrsKatie07

FormerlyKrista555:

#1: I agree with the PPs... don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are doing this 100% right, 100% of the time. We ALL feel like we have no idea what the crap we're doing sometimes.

#2: How much is your almost 2 year old sleeping? Could he use more sleep at night or longer naps? I ask, because my little girl (see ticker) is very well-behaved when she's rested, and a friggen mess when she's tired.  Maybe try putting him to bed earlier, blacking out his windows, etc?  I know every child is different and some kids sleep more than others, but I would definitely recommend trying to get him to sleep a little more.

#3: He's testing boundaries with the new baby.  Just give him lots and lots of love.  While you're holding the baby, you can still read your older child a story, talk to him, watch a cartoon with him, etc. 

#4: Even if you're in the middle of something important, it's key that you remain consistent with the 2 year old. For example, you're feeding the baby, and the toddler decides he's gonna dive-bomb off the couch. You ask him to stop. He does it again. You tell him no. He does it again.  Then you have a decision to make. IMO, in that moment, you've gotta put your baby down and discipline the toddler.  My daughter tried to get away with a lot of things when she would see I was nursing the baby, but after a few times of me interrupting the feeding and putting DS down to stop her behavior (even if it meant DS would scream bloody murder), she started behaving better.

 

GL! Things will get better. I wouldn't say it gets easier, per say, but you just get more adjusted and able to handle both kids better.

Oh, I remember having to discipline DD while BFing the baby. I always felt bad putting DS down to scream, but I have to agree that you must be consistent with disciplining during this time. He is definitely testing boundaries because there is so much going on in his world. It is very important for him to know boundaries. With that said, I also think it is important to choose your battles. You and your H have to agree on what discipline method you want to use and stick with it no matter what.

I also agree that he is still kind of a baby and just because he is the older child doesn't mean he has to grow up now that he has a baby brother. I was guilty many times of expecting too much out of DD for her age, whether it was expecting her to behave for too long at once or ignoring her and not giving her the attention she needed at the time. 

Lastly, you really do need to cut yourself some slack. At that point I was lucky if I had all of us fed every day, let alone showered and dressed with dinner on the table and a clean house. It will get easier, but it takes time.  

ByGrace22

I'm not going to lie...when I was left home along with a newborn and a two year old and recovering from a c-section, DS1 developed an unhealthy addiction to Thomas the Train videos.  And I have no shame.  I knew it would be short lived, but I really needed him to be able to rest with me and the baby.  We'd all lay in bed together and watch a movie, or sit on the couch.

It's a hard adjustment, so take the easy way out when you can!  You can get back into a routine when you are feeling more up to it.  You just had a baby, cut yourself some slack for sure!

HarrietNJMommy

I'm Supermom - that's how I do it! LOL! I am JUST KIDDING!

It's hard in the beginning. It's all about survival. You need to do what you can to get through the day.

PP's have great advice. I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS take care of the older kid(s) first. A screaming newborn is NOT loud. A screaming toddler is super loud and can continue for a LONG time..........

I make sure and have things for the older kid(s) to do while I'm nursing. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not. I make sure to have special time with the older kid(s) so they don't feel like I'm not paying attention to them.

You will find your groove........it may take a little while, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel - it does get easier.

GL!