Started TTC January 2007
4 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs
2012 - Adopted Child #12014- Adopted Child #2
2015 - Fostering Child #3Check out my infertility turned adoption blog: Discovering Joy In The Storm
Ours was atypical because we were matched after birth. But I'll share anyway.
DD was born on a Wednesday and we met her, her BM, and her BGM on a Thursday afternoon. Nurses were very hands-off, family was wonderful. We had a great talk with them and BM's SW, got to hold DD (she fell asleep on DH's chest) and got to know each other a little bit. We heard the birthstory and talked about what was going to happen the next day or 2. At some point the nurses took DD back to the nursery--she didn't room in with BM.
We took her home on Friday afternoon. Our SW said that DD's BM wanted to walk us out of the hospital with DD, which was fine with us. We met in her hospital room, and various paperwork and discharge stuff seemed to fly around the room. One of the nurses helped DH get DD into her carseat. DD's BM and BGM gave US a gift, which was unusual and amazingly touching. We went downstairs and had both cars parked at the entrance. We hugged and cried and said we'd meet soon (we saw them again 3 months later). It was all kind of surreal.
jenbabe:Our experience was great. The first night we slept at the hospital but after that they needed the room for actual patients. The nurses were great and very supportive of adoption. I asked if they see a lot of them and they said not enough. We actually were at the hotel when things really started to happen with delivery and we got back just as they were delivering him via emergency c-section. But while bmom was in labor we were in the room with them. She was in labor for 30 hours so we had plenty of time to get to know them. We had met them three times prior and by the time we went home they felt like family. We were thankful the social worker left us alone most of the 5 days we were there because none of us liked her and were more comfortable to be ourselves without her there. We were discharged from the hospital late and didn't want to drive home that night so we stayed at a hotel with the birthparents and let them keep the baby in their room overnight. Even though we weren't saying goodbye at the hospital apparently walking out and see the baby go in the adoptive parents car for the first time is harder than saying goodbye. At least that's what the social worker said when she was commanding me to go hug birthmom. The next morning they signed papers with the social worker and we spent the rest of the day with them.
Can I just say that I love your story and the fact that you trusted birth parents at the hotel after your discharge from the hospital. You speak so highly of them (bp's) in your blog and I ? you for it. Just sayin..
We also had an amazing hospital experience, though slightly atypical.
We found out about dd's bm through a friend, and our agency said if we wanted to use them all through the hospital we would pay the placement fee, but if we just brought bm to them after we would only pay $3000, she would still get free counseling, expenses and scholarship, but we were on our own at the hospital.
We decided to forgo having them there. BM, J, had placed a previous child and the hospital pretty much tried to talk her out of it, not to mention we had a failed match at the same hospital and the hospital sw and nurses talked the bm out of the adoption, so we were all worried (including J who felt judged by them) about them getting involved.
So we didn't tell a soul at the hospital we planned to adopt.
I brought BM to the hospital, I brought her home.
J and I were at the hospital about 20 hours before things really started going, so we got to know each other really well (we had literally met the morning I brought her to the hospital). But she is easy going and so am I, so we bonded quickly. I loved her instantly. She talked to my mom on the phone and called her Grandma, she talked to my husband on the phone and called him daddy, she talked about my son being a new big brother. It was easy and fun. We laughed and joked and shared stories. It was a dream.
When things started going with labor I was her support person, helping her through the contractions. When it was time to push, DH came in and we both held her hands and legs while our daughter was born.
She looked right at us and said, "Congrats you guys!". No one said anything, or they didn't notice.
We couldn't just take her from the nursery, but we would ask J to call for her and she would let us spend as much time as we wanted with her, mostly while she slept. She was amazing.
Then when it was time to go home I put them both in my car and dropped off J and took Aida home.
One nurse did ask if we were adopting (and seemed excited for us), so we were kind of like, "maybe, we aren't sure" (because that is true until papers are signed).
Other than that, it was a breeze!
We've been blessed twice through adoption.
DD1- our adoption is semi-closed. She knows our names but we never met her (met her parents and grandparents though... which is lovely). We knew BM was going to be induced on Monday so we planned on getting there mid-afternoon. We stopped by hospital and met SW who was not very organized or tuned into adoption. It was about "forms" for her. (She also wore Christmas antlers the entire time we were there..ha!) SW told us that it would be a while so we went to our hotel room and waited. I called the L and D wing and spoke to a very nice nurse who told us it wouldn't happen until the following day. (No pitocin yet... just softening for the delivery.) So we ate our last meal as DINKs and tried to sleep. I woke up at 6 AM and called again. Still no pitocin or progress....told to call back mid morning. We did this cat and mouse chase all day long. Finally someone told us that it would be late that night or the next day. So we went to sleep at 7 pm hoping to get some zzzzs. At 8:45 our hotel phone rang and the sweetest nurse named Rebecca told me to hurry... I was about to be a mom (okay, I am crying now retelling the story We were both groggy since we'd been asleep but we zoomed out of the hotel, said a prayer on the way to the hospital and arrived w/open hearts and arms.
When we arrived we were buzzed in and two very excited nurses greeted us and ushered us into the vacant nursery (small hospital). Poor BM had been pushing but no progress. We waited from 9 pm until 11:54. We could hear her screaming. It was hard to listen to but also exciting knowing just a few doors down a baby would be born that would be part of us forever.
I'd been at my BFFs babies births so the sounds were familiar. I got giddy excited as I could tell that she was moments from delivery. On the other hand, DH was bothered that I could smile as BM was clearly in pain.... I couldn't help it knowing I was moments away from motherhood.
As soon as the baby was born, Nurse Rebecca carried her down the hall to us. She yelled to us that the baby was a girl Rebecca cleaned our daughter up and had us participate as much as possible.
(Okay... too many details... and now dinner is ready. I'll try to finish my hospital story later
Our experience was so-so. DD's BM was induced on Friday morning. The day nursing staff was not very adoption-friendly, even though our SW had talked with the hospital SW multiple times. It took 18 hours for DD to be born, so we were in and out of her BM's room throughout the day. Whenever we would buzz in, the nurses would check how many people were in her room and would only allow us to come in if there were fewer than 3 visitors. As we were getting closer to visiting hours being over, we were nervous that we wouldn't be allowed to stay. I called our SW and she called the hospital SW, who happened to be off that day. Her call was transferred to my "favorite" charge nurse who said that we could stay in the waiting room throughout the night, but she didn't recommend it since she didn't think the baby would be born until visiting hours began on Saturday. I asked the SW to call back and say that the BM's hospital plan stated that we were to be in the waiting room during delivery and that we would come in to meet the baby shortly after birth. The charge nurse finally said that was fine, but she had a bad attitude. I sent out a prayer blast to my friends and family to pray for an accommodating night nursing staff and they ended up being amazing! We were able to go into the room an hour after birth (at 5:15 am), along with BM's sister and aunt...they didn't care that there were 5 visitors.
The next day, I asked the nurse if it would be a problem to have more than 3 visitors in the room before leaving the hospital because the SW would be there for paperwork and my brother (a professional photographer) was going to come to take photos of BM and the baby. The nurse told me that they wouldn't allow my brother to come in to take photos because we would have plenty of opportunities to take photos of the baby since we're taking the baby home. She missed the part when I said that BM wanted him to come to take photos of BM with the baby, not us! I told her that we know BM extremely well and that we would never do anything to make this process more difficult on her. We discussed the photo thing weeks before and BM wanted the photos at the hospital. Finally, the nurses just let everything happen and all was okay.
It was quite a challenge to deal with a hospital staff who weren't very adoption-friendly, but it all worked out.
As far as emotions went, it was very tough. Upon birth, we were overjoyed that our daughter had been born, but we were heartbroken that BM was going through the difficulties of placing. We were very aware that the hospital was the only time she would have to be DD's mother, so we made sure that she had lots of opportunities to hold her. We would hold her for short periods of time and then leave the room and allow BM to have her time with her baby. I was expecting to have a really rough time when we left the hospital, but BM didn't cry at all, so it made it much easier.
Everyone's hospital experiences are completely different!!!!
We did fost adopt. Received a call at 3pm that a child was found for us. We didn't know specifics at the time and the social worker asked if we could meet her in 30 minutes and if not, they'd have to move on to someone else as it was a Friday afternoon and the needed the child placed ASAP. My husband and I had previously made a list of a million questions we'd ask when we got the call. That list was useless lol, we just agreed right away. We were both at work and I had just walked into a surprise birthday party for me. Yes, it was my birthday. I left my own party immediately, called the sw, and she told us to rush to the hospital. It was a newborn!! Everything happened sooo incredibly fast. My biggest regret is we don't have any pictures from that day. We didn't fully realize we were about to met our daughter.
The hospital staff was fantastic! However the whole situation was very different. Like I said, we were fost adopt and we didn't consider that child ours at that time. The hospital acted like it was a done deal and she was ours. Our sw wasn't even there when we arrived. I called her cell and she gave me the child's name (baby girl last name) and told us to go start bonding. We were in total shock. 30 minutes prior we were at work!! So we walked into the nursery, introduced ourselves and said we were there for baby girl last name. The staff seemed super excited and immediately had us wash our hands, and then handed her to us. I was freaking out. I didn't even know how to hold a baby. They chit chatted with us while waiting for the SW and asked what we were naming the baby. Again, very odd since she till wasn't ours. Baby was 4 days old btw. After an hour of waiting andHolding baby, I looked at her name tag and noticed she has a different name than we were told. Again, I freaked out. I thought we had the wrong baby the entire time. I called staff over and explained, and they alerted me the baby was given 3 names in 4 days due to changing who the birth dad was. Apparently bmom called her ex's saying they had become a dad and then chose the one who was willing to step forward. So each day she changed the dad when realizing the guy showed no interest. Bmom was in the hospital when we arrived but we were told we should not be meeting her that day. It was a couple weeks later we met when we started visits.
Sw showed up and paperwork was fast. We were out within 2 hours. The hospital was really generous and gave us TONS of things including a carseat. The only awkward moments were when everyone insisted we name her. We declined saying we would wait. Thank god we did, because bmom wanted to parent for 10 months and was working towards reunification and she had named the child. Also when other new dads walked into the nursery to see their baby, the staff would introduce us as the parents of the baby. It just felt wrong, but I didn't correct them.
Today, were overly happy parents to our beautiful intelligent 4 yr old, we adopted at the age of 11 months. Mom couldnt parent in the end and we changed her name at 11 months.
Edited to add, BEST Birthday present ever!
Our hospital experience was great! We matched with Bm a few months before her due date, but we live in different states, so had only spoken to her on the phone. We drove up 2 days before her scheduled c-section. We met her the day before the birth for the first time. We actually met at the hospital, because she had to do some pre-checkin stuff and she asked us to come. She wanted to include us in everything, even things that she didn't have to. Which was awesome. From the very start everyone at the hospital was very supportive. We never got any negative reactions or comments.
BM wanted me to be in the room with her (I almost cryed, I was so happy when she said that) So while they were prepping her in the OR, I sat outside on the little bench, holding the camcorder, and thinking that it was taking forever! I had several people, politely ask who I was, since that's normally where dad would be. And when I told them that I was the adoptive mom, everyone congratulated me and said how great that was. It was pretty cool. When he was born, they cleaned him up a little, weighed him, and stamped his feet, before they handed him to me. And me and BM were both just staring at him, dying to see him closer and hold him. They handed him to me, and I brought him over and held him close to her head. Then I took him out, while they closed her up. I stayed with DS, while they did all the tests and things. They brought her back, and I asked if she wanted to hold him. (Before the birth, she had she didn't know is if she'd want to or not) She did want to, so I handed him to her and stayed with her for a minute, then I left her alone with him and I went to tell DH and everyone else that he was here. I didn't realize how long it had been, so they were all really anxious. My mom and stepdad were there and BM's mom, stepdad, and grandfather were there too. Her family was so great, they congratulated us and were just awesome.
We had wonderful nurses the entire time we were at the hospital. They initially directed all questions to BM, and she usually said to ask us, so pretty soon they started directing questions to all of us. Noone ever made us feel like we weren't the parents. We usually did have to explain who we were whenever we met a new dr or nurse. Most of them assumed my DH was the dad since he was the only guy there. But they always looked a little confused at me, because I was usually holding and feeding DS. But once they figured it out, they were fine.
We were able to get our own room, by the end of day 1, which was such a blessing. But we spent a lot of time in her room. Except for at night, we pretty much were all together the whole time. She did hold DS and feed him some, but she told the nurses from the very beginning that she wanted us to be the main ones to take care of him, since we were going to be the parents. We got along so well with BM, and she's just an awesome person. We loved spending time with her, and were so comfortable around her. So we wanted to spend time with her, and she wanted to be with us too.
The hardest day was when she signed TPR. DS was born Thurs, and she wanted to sign Fri, we thought she would wait until atleast Sat, but she said she wanted to go ahead and do it. She purposely told them not to give her any meds thurs night, so that she could do it fri. We didn't know that though, and were really shocked when the lawyer called us. We were with her all day, and the lawyers and hospital social worker came in the afternoon. We were leaving the room, but she told us to stay. It was so hard, and so many emotions all at the same time. I cryed when she was signing, she didn't. Afterwards, she was sad, we could tell, and she decided she wanted to get discharged. She was originally going to leave Mon, but the dr had told her she was healed enough and able to leave Fri, but she didn't want to. But after TPR, she said she really wanted to go home and be with her other sons. We understood. We stayed with her until she left, and then we walked her out. DS wasn't discharged yet, so we didn't leave the hospital, but we walked to the door, she was holding DS and she handed him to me. We were all crying. And then the hospital alarm started going off, I guess we were too close to the sensor with DS. So that was kinda funny in the midst of the sadness. We stayed another night in the hospital, and DS was discharged the next day.
We love BM so much. We were amazed at how well we all just clicked and got along, especially since we'd never met. We actually drove to her house (which was an hour away from the hospital) the following week, while we were waiting on ICPC. And had dinner with BM and her family. I think she really appreciated that. And we got to meet her 3 year old son, who is adorable and looks alot like our DS.
Our experience was great as well. We did not make it there in time for the birth as B was born almost 3 weeks early. When we arrived the nurses immediately put a band on me (we decided I would get the extra band) so I could have full access to him alone. Our BM really did not want much contact with him after birth but since we were not there he had to room with her until we got there as the hospital did not have a nursery until we got there. We stayed in the room with our BM talking for several hours and then were moved to our own suite (the largest room) on the post delivery floor for the night. Our BM came over 2x that night to chat and we settled in and took care of B without any judgements from anyone. The nurses were all very respectful never treated us any differently than they did our BM. The next morning our BM and B were ready to be released. We ended up driving our BM home since she did not have a ride. Our BM carried B out as it is policy that he has to be wheeled out in the wheelchair. They would not let him he carried out in the infant seat or by me in the wheelchair. I think the transporter was a little confused by us being the adoptive parents and the BM not taking him home since we were driving her home. Our BM was okay with holding him and it was easier to let him hold than to try to get it sorted out why I should be allowed to hold him.
Overall the only complaint I have with the hospital is their policy about breastfeeding. Because we were formula feeding they choose to be "less giving" on their freeies. They have a campaign out that the breast is best and if you breastfeed you get all kids of goodies and freebies but since we were formula feeding we literally had to ask for each diaper, bottle, blanket, etc that we needed. It was frustrating. At the end they did give us the bag of remaining diapers (all 5-6 of them) and the combs, brush that they used on his hair. The nurse that released us also apologized for the paperwork we had to sign that went over why breastfeeding is so much better for the baby (it was at least 5 pages) and resources to help you breastfeed. I had to sign off on paperwork that I am aware of these facts and that I am chosing to formula feed. Talk about trying to guilt someone into something!!
From a different perspective, I thought I'd add..
I gave birth at 2:02am on 9/1 via emergency cesarean. Both Amom and Adad were in the room with me while I was in labor (30+ hours prior). Once it was decided that I needed a c-section we were given the option of having 1 person in the operating room with me. The hospital knew about the adoption plan and once we explained why we wanted 2 people in there with me they quickly obliged. Both my mom and Adoptive mom were in the operating room when DD was born. I have an awesome picture of Amom and my mom suited up in scrubs. I was under full general anesthesia during the operation. A mom held DD and got to cut her umbilical cord. I was in recovery for 12 hours and during that time Amom & Adad were in my hospital room with DD (along with my parents and brother).
After my recovery I took full care of DD and breastfed her until our discharge on 9/5. Aparents came in to visit everyday for a few hours (they are local). I had visitors like crazy while in the hospital and the hospital staff was so accommodating, no limit on number of guests in my room because of the adoption. There was only one nurse who got an attitude with me because I choose to BF, saying it would be too stressful on the baby because she would be switching to the bottle soon. She took the bottle just fine, BTW.
Leaving the hospital, I drove with DD & the social worker to Aparents home and we had an adoption ceremony (lasted about two hours AND we have it on DVD!) My grandparents and parents came, as did Aparents parents and 2 social workers (Yes, we had 20 people in Aparents living room for a "service"). I left Aparents home with my parents.