NAR, TTC vent — The Bump
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NAR, TTC vent

I didn't know where else to vent about this.. and I'm sorry most of my posts have been vents lately.

I asked two friends to do a mud run with me near Pittsburg http://www.mudonthemountain.com/, it's 7 miles and requires some training (at least on my part), so I asked two of my friends who I know would be up for it to train with me.  The event is in May 2013.  Both, BOTH of my friends responses 'Sorry, I plan on being pregnant then"..  They both have a young child and we were TTC around the same time in 2011, they both know of our struggles.  I'm trying to put TTC behind me and just move on and let God's will be. I just don't understand why would you say that to someone..  Sigh.. I just feel like I need new friends sometimes.

On another occasion, just this past Friday night, we were out with some friends and were introduced to new people at the table.  DH & I were the only married couple and once this douche found out we've been married for almost 4 years he blurts out of no where "I give you 6 months until you're pregnant".  What?! Excuse me? Hi, do I know you?  After his outburst I politely warned him to drop the subject (mind you, this was the first time I met this man), he wouldn't drop the topic about US being pregnant.  DH finally told the guy to shut up.. I then told him (and our table) that we can't seem to get pregnant, but thanks anyway.

Our friends at the table didn't know we have been TTC and felt awful about the whole night.  I wish we never went.  

What is wrong with people?  I know I am more naive then most but still..

I am going back to school in the fall to finish my degree and putting TTC on hold during this time.  I'm excited about this change and new adventure.  This is the first time I've been a "victim" of ignorant people's comments regarding this topic and it just really ticked me off.  I guess I need thicker skin sometimes.  

DD's mom knows of our TTC issues and she has been really supportive, she's been threw it and knows how hurtful these comments are. DH has also been a tremendously supportive right now, I am so thankful for both of them. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. 

BM to Kenzie 9/1/04 --- Married 1/22/09 --- Me 27 - DH 25 --- TTC our first since April 2010 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Re: NAR, TTC vent

  • I am SO sorry you had to deal with that. People can be so insensitive.

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  • I'm sorry.  

    I completely know how you feel.  It sucks.  My husband and I have been in settings multiple times where people we don't really know ask how long we have been married and then ask when and even why we don't have children. It's just so wrong and hurtful.  I've also had girlfriends say the most insensitive things out of sheer lack of empathy and understanding.  The most important thing is that you have people in your life that understand how hard and hurtful it is and are there to best support you.  Because we are finally at peace with our situation and I'm not sad anymore, when those questions arise we now tell the truth and tell people we can't have biological children.  It makes people feel like crap but it also, hopefully, makes them think twice about asking inappropriate questions like that to other people.  

    When I was really sad/mad about certain girlfriends acting unempatheticly, I didn't abandon them as friends but I kept them an arms length away and turned to my friends that got it and understood it. Those were my go to people and the other girlfriends I went to when I knew it was a situation where I wouldn't/couldn't get hurt. I had to protect myself as I worked through a really hard time.  I also learned really quickly that it was ok to say no to events, parties, showers, etc where I knew it was going to be hard. If my friends didn't understand why I declined or came late, then we really weren't the friends I thought we were.

    Hugs :) 

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  • IRRIRR
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Photogenic
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    Sometimes people really suck, even good friends.  Well hope you make a new set at school in the fall.
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


  • For your friends who don't want to do the run, I can kind of see their POV. They don't want to commit to you, then surprise you sometime between now and then by saying, "You know how I said I'd train with you? Well, now I can't." They may be seeing it as a way to keep you from being disappointed closer to the date.

    As for your companion at the table, people just suck sometimes.

  • ugh, I am sorry :( HUGS
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • I'm sorry.  Comments like that seem like nothing to them, but hurt so much to those struggling.  Big hugs!!  Congrats on going back to school!  

    TTC since March 2010, BFP #1 11.09.10, ectopic, m/c 12.14.10 (10w)
    Clomid + TI=BFN, IUIs 1-6= BFN
    Application for domestic adoption submitted 4/18/12, matched 8/12/12, DD born 10/31/12


     

  • I'm so sorry, that is really hard.  I hate how people seem to think it's okay to make personal comments like that to others.  My eyes have really been opened to the number of people in pain and dealing with infertility, miscarriage and loss - it's just sad that people can't be more sensitive, I hate that you had to hear those hurtful things.  (( Hugs ))


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