Blended Families

BM's new ploy

I had thought BM was receiving child support for her other 2 children - however, it doesn't seem she was.  Now that she's got them back from the state, she wants CS (understandable) so both BFs got paternity test.  Lo and behold - the older of the 2 she has custody of is NOT the child of the guy she thought.  So... she calls DH and tells him that the child must be his.  The timing is all wrong given the age of her middle child but he said they did try to reconcile (in a moment of weakness) for SS's sake while DH was going for sole custody.  He still says the numbers don't add up but wants to know if this child is truly his because if so he wants to be in his life.

She, however, said she won't file to make him take a paternity test because she knows he's DH's.  Instead, she said DH can just call the courts and cancel the child support she owes for SS and she won't file for support for 'their other child'.  Now, it sounds fishy.  She also just found out that she may have to continue child support throughout SS's adult life because his disability is so significant.  I just wonder if this is tied.  *sigh*  This was not extra drama we needed right now!  

image

"To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."

Re: BM's new ploy

  • Does it matter if it's tied?  Recognize it for what it is and let it be. If she brings it up, he should simply tell her, "I'm sorry, but until a paternity test is arranged, I'm going to consider or discuss my being his birth father or that I am responsible for his child support."   Period.

    There shouldn't even be a discussion. If you're worried about the drama, simply tell her on this matter that she or her attorney can speak to your attorney about what needs to take place next.  And just keep repeating yourself until it sinks into her head.

     

  • The tie doesn't matter at all.  I guess the timing just stinks.  I'm due in 4 weeks so I've finally hit that "Oh, shoot we're actually having a baby" stage.  DH didn't even want to tell me about it until knew for sure what was happening because he was afraid of stressing me out (and nervous of my reaction, of course).  I just could tell something was up and drug it out of him.  He's worried because if he IS his child, he feels bad that he could have done something for him while he was in state custody and could have been giving him a better life than what he's been faced with over the past 4 years.      

    His attorney from his previous custody battle over SS actually passed away so we don't have one.  If she continues, we'll get one.  Right now, we're seeing where she goes with it.      

    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • Loading the player...
  • Oh man that is really tough. I have to admit this is my biggest fear. BM was cheating on Dh when she got pregnant with her second. She swears it's not his but current baby dad (who she has other kids with.) According to dh's dates/military schedule he was last with BM two months before that child was conceived but that is way too close for comfort for me. Dh and BM are both on the same page and the child looks absolutely nothing like Dh or SS but it's always in the back of my mind...it will probably come back to bite him but I'd just tell BM you want a paternity test and then will move forward with appropriate visitation/CS if the child turns out to be his. It's really sad for the child because of the lost time with his real bio fther and loss of identity. How old is he for the record?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • gonna have to agree with PP... if there's even slightly a chance that its DH's kid he should demand a paternity test.  even if just for his own piece of mind.

    DH should NOT cancel SS's CS payments, the two are hardly related.  

                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageNineoceans:
    Oh man that is really tough. I have to admit this is my biggest fear. BM was cheating on Dh when she got pregnant with her second. She swears it's not his but current baby dad (who she has other kids with.) According to dh's dates/military schedule he was last with BM two months before that child was conceived but that is way too close for comfort for me. Dh and BM are both on the same page and the child looks absolutely nothing like Dh or SS but it's always in the back of my mind...it will probably come back to bite him but I'd just tell BM you want a paternity test and then will move forward with appropriate visitation/CS if the child turns out to be his. It's really sad for the child because of the lost time with his real bio fther and loss of identity. How old is he for the record?

    The timing (from what DH has figured) is 6-8 months.  If it were 2 months, I'd almost believe BM.  I know how DH's time-memory works.  I believe he is 4 almost 5?  He might be 5 because I think he starts kindergarten this year.  I've honestly not paid much attention but I know he fits into SS's 5T clothes he's grown out of.  He looks nothing like DH or BM but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. 

    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • imageholly71087:

    gonna have to agree with PP... if there's even slightly a chance that its DH's kid he should demand a paternity test.  even if just for his own piece of mind.

    DH should NOT cancel SS's CS payments, the two are hardly related.  

    I think DH plans on a paternity test regardless.  They went to school together and she loves rumors.  She's one to spread around town (which will get back to DH's family) that he has a child he's never done anything for and make him out to be a bad guy.  

    She's asked several times if we'd send her payments back to her, too, because she needed the money.  He's definitely not canceling SS's CS payments.  She pays VERY little but it helps us pay for additional therapy for him which is important to his future.  

    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • We have a similar concern with SS2.  BM was off being her crazy self and DH was a dipsh*t and briefly "reconciled."  SS1 looks just like DH whereas SS2 really doesn't have any similarities to DH.  SS2 loves DH so much that even if it wasn't blood, we would never want to know. 
    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
    S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
    Bloodwork: normal
    2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
    Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
    Beta #1 BFP! 97
    Beta #2 234
    Beta #3 4937
    ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
    10/20/12 graduated!!!
    EDD 6/7/12
    Team PINK!!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • kali55kali55 member
    imageholly71087:

    gonna have to agree with PP... if there's even slightly a chance that its DH's kid he should demand a paternity test.  even if just for his own piece of mind.

    DH should NOT cancel SS's CS payments, the two are hardly related.  

    This!  And for her to be absolutely positive that DH is the father is ridiculous!  She was sure that the last man tested was the BF before and look how that panned out. 



    BabyFruit Ticker
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Wow.  This is such a crappy thing to do to anyone, whether or not she actually believes what she's saying.  I agree with PPs, your husband should demand a paternity test just so that he knows.  If the child is his, then he can start building a relationship.  If the child is not his, then he'll have some peace of mind and BM won't be able to pull this nonsense again.

    I am so sorry your family is dealing with this.  What a horrible and juvenile game BM is trying to play.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • imagejobalchak:

    Wow.  This is such a crappy thing to do to anyone, whether or not she actually believes what she's saying.  I agree with PPs, your husband should demand a paternity test just so that he knows.  If the child is his, then he can start building a relationship.  If the child is not his, then he'll have some peace of mind and BM won't be able to pull this nonsense again.

    I am so sorry your family is dealing with this.  What a horrible and juvenile game BM is trying to play.

    She's a very AWish person - especially with DH.  She talks to SS every 6-8 weeks but is constantly calling/texting DH about her life, what she misses about "them," etc.  It gets worse after she breaks up with a boyfriend and it turns out she is newly single again.  When he told her he was willing to take a paternity test, she told him she wasn't really worried about it right now and they'd figure it out when we see her at Christmas :/  If it were me, I'd want to know NOW who the father of my child was.   That also seems a bit fishy now.  Since DH didn't immediately give her the response she wanted, she no longer wants a paternity test.

    DH has his father looking into new lawyers for him in her state so we can do what needs to be done. 

    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • imageCheerilee:
    imagejobalchak:

    Wow.  This is such a crappy thing to do to anyone, whether or not she actually believes what she's saying.  I agree with PPs, your husband should demand a paternity test just so that he knows.  If the child is his, then he can start building a relationship.  If the child is not his, then he'll have some peace of mind and BM won't be able to pull this nonsense again.

    I am so sorry your family is dealing with this.  What a horrible and juvenile game BM is trying to play.

    She's a very AWish person - especially with DH.  She talks to SS every 6-8 weeks but is constantly calling/texting DH about her life, what she misses about "them," etc.  It gets worse after she breaks up with a boyfriend and it turns out she is newly single again.  When he told her he was willing to take a paternity test, she told him she wasn't really worried about it right now and they'd figure it out when we see her at Christmas :/  If it were me, I'd want to know NOW who the father of my child was.   That also seems a bit fishy now.  Since DH didn't immediately give her the response she wanted, she no longer wants a paternity test.

    DH has his father looking into new lawyers for him in her state so we can do what needs to be done. 

    This whole situation is just so awful.  BM in my situation is very AWish as well, especially when her life isn't going as planned (which is quite frequently).  It's incredibly annoying and frustrating, but at times I also feel sad for her.

    I'm glad your husband is looking into getting the paternity test done.  Like I said before, if nothing else he'll at least get peace of mind and be able to move on past this latest game of BM's.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • WahooWahoo member

    I'm LOL'ing at all of these "but he looks NOTHING LIKE DH........" - as if that means anything!  DH looks nothing like his father, DS looks nothing like DH (and I can ASSURE you, DH is the dad!).

    I'm glad your H is getting tested.  What kind of man could even think there is a 1/10,000 chance that this is his son, and not move forward to take even emotional (if not financial) responsibility for him? 

    Plus, a bit of a side-eye towards any woman who can't pin down the father of her child between at least TWO different men!  I can see cheating on someone and thinking "it's one of two guys...." but more than that?  Skanky!

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • imageWahoo:

    Plus, a bit of a side-eye towards any woman who can't pin down the father of her child between at least TWO different men!  I can see cheating on someone and thinking "it's one of two guys...." but more than that?  Skanky!

    Hahaha like the Maury shows where the women are there doing the 5th paternity test?!  I do more than side-eye them, I flat out judge them.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • imageholly71087:

    gonna have to agree with PP... if there's even slightly a chance that its DH's kid he should demand a paternity test.  even if just for his own piece of mind.

    DH should NOT cancel SS's CS payments, the two are hardly related.  

    This. If nothing else you don't want to deal with that woman's craziness when you have a brand new baby. She is going to continue to insist that this child is your husband's and that she no longer needs to pay CS for SS. There is only one thing that is going to shut her up.

    On a side note, if CS is ordered past the age of majority for your SS due to his disability then that is really awesome. Most states won't do this which I think is a crying shame.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic BabyFruit Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"