Blended Families

And another wierd twist...

H suggested changing DD's middle name.

Back story: I really wanted to name DD after my grandmother because my name was my grandmother's nickname.  Everyone in my family assumed I would be the one to give my daughter grandma's name, so no one named their daughter that.  Only H really disliked the name and really did give a legitimate reason that I could respect, but said  that I want it to at least be her middle name.  He was totally okay with that.

So he tells his mom what DD's full name will be and his mom whined about how she was hoping we'd name our baby after her.  Seriously???  It came down to us considering giving DD the same middle name as hers.  It actually worked. I actually liked the name, but I have always regretted it.  I have always wished I had stuck with my grandmother's middle name.  

Now H is very disappointed in his mother. I'm not getting into it, but you all know H's family is crazy and completely disfunctional. H said to me yesterday "We should have named DD after your grandmother."  I jumped on it. "You know...we could have it changed legally".  And he agreed!  Told me to look into it. So just to be clear - only her middle name would change, from his mom's name to my grandmother's middle name.

So now my practical side is wondering if this is a good idea.  Should I do this? And what problems is this going to create for DD?  Nevermind family. Mine will be thrilled.  I just don't know that it's smart.

I'm a little emotional over this so I need practical and realistic advice. Put in your vote.

Re: And another wierd twist...

  • I forgot how old your DD was (sorry!).  Does she know her middle name?  I don't see a problem with it re:your daughter but do you think your H would throw it back at you eventually?

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • She's 2 1/2 and no, she wouldn't have a clue until she's old enough to understand the paperwork difference.

    Would H throw it back at me?  I kind of doubt it since he's the one who brought it up - I never did.  I kept the regret to myself.

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  • I don't personally see a problem with it, then.  When she's old enough, she'll understand.  Heck, she may even think it's neat.  Kids/teenagers are strange that way :)  It sounds like the "new" middle name has way more meaning than the "old" one.  I think family connections like that are important.

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • I would go for it. I can't think of any reason not to.

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  • could you give her a double middle name, with both names?

    the only reason I suggest this is because its so close to the divorce being filed.  when she is a teenager she will figure the paperwork out and I don't want HER to be like "oh you didn't even like daddy enough to have his moms name be my middle name, you hated him so much you made me change my name" etc etc

    but at the same time, if you're going to do it, do it now, before she goes to school and starts learning her name etc.  

    this is the reason I have issues using family names.  

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  • I see no problem with it. Not sure what happens where you live, but where we live if your name is changed (minus for marriage) your birth certificate is re-issued with the new name (this makes for a lot less issues when you apply for jobs, get a passport, etc.!)

    If your DD were older I would say ask her, but obviously she won't know the difference.

    I say change it :)

  • wwnbwwwnbw member
    I would change it. I see no reason not too. I mean once he makes up with his mom  or comes to not be so disappointed in her he may change his mind but that is his problem.
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  • wwnbw - I'm laughing because there has never been a moment that he hasn't taken issue with her.  Nothing's going to change at this point.
  • WahooWahoo member

    I would jump at the chance.

    How is he going to throw it back at you?  It was HIS idea!  Tell him you thought you were doing him a favor.  And even if he does throw it back - F*** him.  DD has HIS last name.  He had another girl who could have gotten his mom's name.

    Just realize that it is an extra document she will have to request / cart around. 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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