update
Divorce has been delayed to January.
This is not my proudest moment, and I really don't want to divulge personal financial details here, but I have to file for bankruptcy. My lawyers suggested I do it with H rather than wait. It puts me in a better position to raise DD alone and it puts H in a better position to pay me more child support. Not that I'm looking to stick it to him good, but it will just be easier. I can also start rebuilding my credit now. H also suggested it - not knowing I was already researching it - so we have begun the process. It should be over with between Thanksgiving & Christmas.
DD's birthday is January, so I was going to ask for and file after that and by the end of January. Currently, I am just keeping my distance, shutting my mouth and keeping the peace. H does not know I am filing, but he knows I met with a lawyer. I now he really does not want a divorce, but he's not willing to make changes or work on things. He just wants me to go back to the slap happy wife who allowed everyone to walk all over her and pretend nothing happened. In counseling, I would walk out thinking I just learned something important about him or us to help our relationship, but he would get upset and said I made him look bad. I ended our joint counseling, but I am still going. And every damn time we fight, he brings up divorce. If you don't want it, then why are YOU the one to always throw it in my face? So come January he will get it.
H will probably go back to Texas. I could request that he stay here in the CO, but have decided that
Re: update
oops. Sorry. Hit enter on my laptop. To continue...
I have decided that I am not going to restrict him. If he wants to be half way across the country from his daughter, than so be it. For him to stay here will only create more drama and he will be bitter about how I am controlling him. I can't win. So I'm going to let him go wherever he chooses and do the best I can for DD. My dad and DD are pretty tight and my brother is a wonderful father to his three little girls. Both have offered to help me in any way they can and they live reasonably close. I am bawling as I write this but I am so grateful to have such wonderful family and incredibly saddened that H's side is so damn crappy. But that's the stupid choice I made. I am not going to make DD pay for that if I can help it.
I have a dear friend who divorced her ex at the same age as DD and raised her daughter alone with minimal visitation with her dad. She is a beautiful, smart, wonderful young woman who will soon graduate at the top of her class next year. It is possible and DD does not have to turn out like SD(which H tells me will happen if we divorce). I have been getting advice from her and she has been a wonderful supportive and smart friend in all of this. I keep telling myself, no matter what H does, it will be okay.
Meanwhile, H's relationship with his two adult kids quickly went to crap after I handed all responsibility to him and removed any involvement and contact with them . Neither are speaking to him now.
SS says we are the reason he is homeless and tells everyone who will listen. Publically he blasted us on facebook. Thankfully one family member we have never met spoke up and said, "You are 30. Start taking care of your own sh*t". H "liked" the comment and SS promptly unfriended him. They haven't spoken in a month and H does not know when or if he'll ever talk to his son again.
SD got married last weekend. She disowned H twice pre-wedding because H refused to bring DD long. SD demanded that DD be in her wedding and that I should support him and suck it up and haul my ass and DD there because it's her wedding. H said no. I had no idea this was going on until H told me he wasn't going or giving SD away. She had no one from her family at her wedding.
SD told H in their last conversation that as parents it is our duty to forgive her of everything. Forget that she threatened me, our business and really...DD in a way. She told H that she was going to call Child Protective Services on us. We are to forgive her of that and do as she requests and put up with her drama forever because she is the child and H is the parent.
Whatever you BSC b*tch.
I have put her and SS, and a couple other family members in the CO to have limited and only supervised visits with DD. At this rate, it is likely DD will never know them. I can only hope.
So that's it. That's my update.
Just biding my time until it's over and working my ass of so I can give DD a good life when it's just the two of us.
Hope everyone else is doing better than me!
I was wondering how you were doing just the other day. Sorry you are in this position but glad you are working through it slowly and covering every aspect as it comes up.
your H is a moron.
Eh. Things aren't so bad. It could be worse. I could have one the stepkids here. It's better now that I know I am putting a very stressful life behind me. Not that raising DD alone will be easy, but my world is going to open wide again.
I'm looking forward to it.