Oh DH the things you say (MIL mentioned)

katiedollaz

So last night I was trying to tell DH that I when I was spending time with his mother she mentioned she bought an infant carrier, tried it on and is now ready to plant my son in it. I replied to her, "Where are you guys going? Maybe I can come too?"

Now I know it shouldn't have upset me but suddenly I was upset that I haven't even held my son in my arms yet and already people are talking about taking him away from me. I couldn't really explain to DH why it made me upset but thinking that people are already planning to take my son made me a little emotional. Yes, I am aware it might not be a logical thing to get upset about.

Well good ol' DH just replied, "That's weird." REALLY!?? That's pretty much all he said. I tried to explain he just doesn't have the bond I do yet and it might not be so easy for him once the baby arrives to just drop him and leave but he's like nope I'm sure I'll be fine. 

Anyone else have a hard time with something like that or having DH just not understand? 2+ Moms is separation after you give birth hard or is it normal to be emotional about it?

Holly_1007

I'm probably not the norm, but I STILL have anxiety when DS is away from me.  he spends 98% of his time with me and always has since he was born. he was over 2 months old before he was even out of my sight for any period of time (2 hours)

BeachBabe22

I don't really understand why her comment upset you.  Maybe she just wants to help out and carry him around when you guys go out one day to give you a break.  

acb+4

I think that your reaction is normal, and I think that your husband's reaction is normal too.  My boys are 8, 6, and 3, and I am always happy to have time to myself, but when I drop them off, I still get a little twinge of sadness that they aren't with me.  I always keep my LOs with me for a long while (at least 2 months) before leaving them with anyone (even my parents) so that DH and I can go out.  DH, of course, loves LOs, but he has always been more willing to leave them with family so that we could have some quiet time before I was actually ready. 

katiedollaz

BeachBabe22:

I don't really understand why her comment upset you.  Maybe she just wants to help out and carry him around when you guys go out one day to give you a break.  

I think mostly because he's not even here. I haven't even held him yet and she's already talking about taking him. Just the thought of him leaving me upset me. I know it might not be rational to everyone but it triggered something in me.

ilovelife

We went through this when I was pg with ds. MIL bought a carset for her car, playpen, crib, highchair, etc for their house. She kept referencing "when ds stays the night"...blah. It bothered me at the time, but then friends kept telling me that I would want a night away from ds. Luckily for us, after ds was born dh was just as attached to him as I was...and he has only stayed the night at the il's house a handful of times. I have class tomorrow night and dh thought he had to work late. He rearranged it so he doesn't because we don't like ds staying the night away. Dh won't admit that, but every time I bring up letting ds stay the night with the il's, dh is always like "he won't need to stay the night". My mom is keeping ds the night before my c/s. I asked dh if he wanted his mom to keep ds the night of, and he said "nah, i'll take care of him at home". It was music to my ears-I really don't want to disrupt ds's routine by having him stay away for 2 nights in a row (he's NEVER done that before) so it helps me knowing dh is on my side (even though he doesn't know it's my side). lol

melody921

I worried a ton about leaving DS in the beginning. DH started pushing me a couple of weeks in for us to go to dinner and leave DS with MIL. We eventually did, but I found it hard to relax. I also didn't like when relatives would talk about taking him places or babysitting all the time. I felt like he was so new and should be with us. It got easier over time. I think these are all normal emotions, and yes, moms feel them stronger than dads. But the dads do have a point that it's important to eventually let someone else watch the LO for a short time so you get a break.

katiedollaz

ilovelife:

We went through this when I was pg with ds. MIL bought a carset for her car, playpen, crib, highchair, etc for their house. She kept referencing "when ds stays the night"...blah. It bothered me at the time, but then friends kept telling me that I would want a night away from ds. Luckily for us, after ds was born dh was just as attached to him as I was...and he has only stayed the night at the il's house a handful of times. I have class tomorrow night and dh thought he had to work late. He rearranged it so he doesn't because we don't like ds staying the night away. Dh won't admit that, but every time I bring up letting ds stay the night with the il's, dh is always like "he won't need to stay the night". My mom is keeping ds the night before my c/s. I asked dh if he wanted his mom to keep ds the night of, and he said "nah, i'll take care of him at home". It was music to my ears-I really don't want to disrupt ds's routine by having him stay away for 2 nights in a row (he's NEVER done that before) so it helps me knowing dh is on my side (even though he doesn't know it's my side). lol

my MIL redid a room in her house as a nursery-crib and all. So I understand how you felt.

katiedollaz

melody921:

I worried a ton about leaving DS in the beginning. DH started pushing me a couple of weeks in for us to go to dinner and leave DS with MIL. We eventually did, but I found it hard to relax. I also didn't like when relatives would talk about taking him places or babysitting all the time. I felt like he was so new and should be with us. It got easier over time. I think these are all normal emotions, and yes, moms feel them stronger than dads. But the dads do have a point that it's important to eventually let someone else watch the LO for a short time so you get a break.

I totally agree. I know we will have to leave him and it will be good for us but I think it will be a bit before I am ready to talk about that. At least a few weeks or more after he's born.

herlysgirly

Not weird at all... you have had more time to bond with baby already than DH has.  It may be the same for him after baby is here, may not be. 

 I know I was the same way though.  We went to a wedding when DD was ten days old.  I was getting ready to jump in the shower, already had DD dressed and ready to go... when DH said he needed to run to his Mom's (across the street) for a minute.  No problem!  ...until he proceeded to start packing DD up into the carseat, saying he was taking her with him!!  Ummmm WHAT?!  I told him no, she's never even been out of my sight except when I shower... and he pointed out that I was getting ready to shower.  Long story short, he ended up taking her, and I was a crying hormonal mess, and cried the entire fifteen minutes he was gone.  Lol!  He was under strict orders NOT to take her out of the carseat, and as SOON as she fussed a single peep he needed to get back here asap.  My sister was over at the time, and she said SHE almost started crying seeing how upset I was about it all.    Needless to say, he never "stole" her like that again! 

When I went back to work I cried on the way to, and home from work every day for a few weeks.  We never had her babysat except during work hours because we didn't want to be away from her.  DH feels the same way, and we have both been perfectly fine having a baby with us on our dates.  I think she was about a year old when we went out without her and left her with my parents, and that was because a friend of ours requested a "child free" dinner for her birthday.  We've only left her (other than working hours) a handful of times now, and she's 1.5.  I don't know, maybe it will get easier as she gets older... or when there's more kids... but right now I just don't like being separated from her any more than I have to.  I'm sooo glad I was able to quit my job and be a SAHM this time... because if I had to leave both kids, I'd probably be a wreck!

Good luck, and don't worry about it!  It's natural for separation to be hard for mommies - nature's way of taking care of your baby!

Krista123105

Eh, I'm still the same way about DS, and he's 2 1/2.  I hate being away from him overnight (it's only happened a handful of times) even though I know he's in great hands with my parents.  I work FT, so friends (without kids) will tell me how DH and I have to get away for dates and overnight trips on the weekends, but we do almost everything with DS because we're away from him so much during the week. 

It's your baby, you can do what you want.  And if that means you're glued to him after he's born, so be it. 

kbradshaw9

I had a very hard time with my MIL after DS was born. It took me almost 2 years to figure out what exactly I was upset about. It all boiled down to things not being on my terms. My DS was only a week old and she was already pressuring me to when she could watch him. I have realized that if she would have just let me approach her instead of her me things would have been very different. I felt like she was almost trying to take my place, even though this is not what she was intending. If I could have only realized the issue I had before now, this last year would have been way better for the both of us. The only bit of advice I have for you is to address this issue if you feel like it is an issue.