Blended Families

New here - general advice

I am a blended family that just found out im pregnant. Not telling anyone yet, but trying to figure out the best way for when we do. Heres my story:

 

My husband and I have been married a year. I have a 2 and a half year old SD. She lives with us half the time. (still battling court, but basically BM wont take her to doctor visits and such so we took her back to court and got half at temp orders, still trying to settle on final ? She is playing nice right now only because we have the upperhand due to her having an 11 day marriage last month, and her not being able to pay bills. )

 

How has everyone else handled telling SD and BM? We want to include SD as much as we can, not make her left out in any way, but she is also so young it is hard, because she wont quite understand whats going on.


Re: New here - general advice

  • Welcome!  Congrats! We never got the chance to tell BM, we think she found out from a friend who I saw at an OB appt. We had not even told SD yet and she called my husband and started a fight. I highly recommend that you wait until after 20 weeks just to be on the safe side. My SD turned 3 a month after DS was born. We just tried as much as possible to include her. We asked her opinion on clothes and room decor, etc. We also referred to the baby as "your brother" and expressed excitement that she would be a big sister and asked her if she would teach the baby things. She loves her brother so much!
    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
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  • I agree, wait.  We didn't tell the kids until 24 weeks and they are 7 & 5.  Even at 24 weeks it still is a long way off and for kids that amount of time is just hard to grasp.  Especially with how little your SK is.  Nothing really happens that would make her feel left out in the first half of your pregnancy.  I did tell BD before I told DS so he was prepared for DS to come to him and mention it.  But it was just an in passing, hey I'm pregnant but I haven't told DS yet.  I'll let you know when I tell him.  And that was it. 
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  • DS was constantly talking about wanting me & DH to have a baby long before I was actually pregnant, and BD eventually just asked if I was, so that's how he found out. I would recommend waiting as long as possible, even after the CO is finalized if that is possible. That way, BM cannot use that in any negative light. Just my thought.
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  • i have two SS 15 and 12 and two boys of ours 22 months and 7 months.. expecting 3rd baby.. honestly i never gave a crap if she found out. but let me tell u she tried to make a storm when she did. we just recently got full custody of SS and now she all tries to play nice(not that it helps) i still dont get along with her at allll!.. i wouldnt worry about her finding out include your SD but as mentioned before try to wait at least 3 months to let SD know shes 2 she really doesnt understand shes gonna be a big sis. Be happy! your gonna be a mom! the rest will fall into place

    god bless! 

    hang in there

    Best of Luck! 

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  • I have 3 SC, 2 different BM. They are 5, 6 and 9. We get along well with the 9yo's BM and we do NOT get along with the 5 & 6yo's BM.

    We waited until the start of the 2nd trimester to tell our kids. I felt more comfortable that I was going to carry to full term because to have to explain losing a baby to them would have been REALLY difficult. I think we told the 9yo's BM and she was extremely excited for us. I could have cared less if the other BM knew or not, although she eventually found out through the grapevine.

    The way we surprised our kids... we had purchased an at-home fetal doplar monitor so we could listen to the heart beat. So I sat in our bedroom with the monitor on our LO's hearbeat and my DH stood outside the room with the kids and had them guess what the sound was. Some of the guesses were a drum, horses running... it was soo cute! Then when we opened the door and explained it to them, they were SO EXCITED! We didn't find out what we were having, so we nicknamed the baby "Jellybean." Our kids were SO into the pregnancy! I'd let them feel the baby kick and move and they always wanted to listen to the heartbeat. They would talk to my belly saying "Hi" and reading stories to "Jellybean." I am very fortunate that it was a really great experience for our entire family!

    My kids are a little bit older than your SS, but I would approach it in the same way. Get her involved! My SD was the MOST (and still is) involved with the baby. And as far as telling the BM of your SD... it's completely up to you. I'd judge it on the type of the relationship you have with her!

    Good luck and CONGRATS!! Smile

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