Blended Families

Please share your weekly visitation schedule for preschoolers

My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

Re: Please share your weekly visitation schedule for preschoolers

  • We have EOWE and are attempting to get Wednesday overnights, but we only live 45 mins from BM.  We have weds overnights during the summer, but BM doesn't think we are capable of getting SD to school on time during the academic year (although we have never even been given the opportunity).

    That being said, I don't think a judge will order overnights on school nights when the father lives that far away. might depend on what kind of preschool- part time afternoons versus full time makes a difference...

                           
                         View Full Size Image  View Full Size Image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • wwnbwwwnbw member

    We live 30 minutes from BM. Since birth we have had SS (almost 5) EOW Friday-Wednesday. The Judge gave DH EOW and wednesday nights but in the begining BM didn't like all the back and fourth so they put it all togheter and made it F-W. BM hates it now but it's what is written and it's what they go by. DH wishes he didn't have to go 8 days without seeing SS but the pro to that it feels like SS actually lives here for those 5 days and not just coming to hang out. For example on Mothers Day weekend she got him but we still got him back Sunday at 6- Wednesday and it seriously felt like he JUST got here so the two days just wouldn't be enough.

    I feel ALL parents should get 50/50 but it doesn't work out that way :(

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Loading the player...
  • While DH was fighting for custody, the court-ordered temporary arrangement was EOW and Wednesday nights.  When the temporary order started, he lived in the same town but had to move 2.5 hours away for his job.  He would drive to their original town on Wednesdays after work, get SS from daycare, spend the night with his grandparents and go back to where he was living on Thursday.  He'd then return Friday after work (on his weekends) to pick SS up for his weekend, again staying with family b/c he lived with 2 other guys he worked with.  
    image

    "To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue...gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness."
  • I was never in this situation but would do EO Friday to Monday or Thursday to Sun. If that is not possible for preschool I would offer more time during summer or an extra weekend every other month. 
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
    image






  • imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    Exactly.  Yes, my husband has been putting his foot down and fighting with BM more since he and I got married.  But that is due to her refusal to co-parent and attempts to withhold his daughter from him because of her own inability to move on.  Had she been more cooperative about things and not been using K has a pawn then he wouldn't have had to fight her so much.  That wasn't me telling him to fight her, that was him defending himself against BM's desire to keep him away from his daughter since he didn't want to be with BM.  Maybe if you let some of your bitterness and resentment go, and stopped fighting BF so much on his time with your son (the incident on July 4th springs to mind), then he wouldn't need to fight you.

    As for the question you're posing about visitation:  a lot of it depends on the distance between the parties.  The schedule we had with K at that age won't really apply here since we've always lived within 15 minutes of BM.  Since the distance is an hour away, I don't know that a midweek overnight is feasible, unless DS has an afternoon class at preschool.  But an EOWE Friday to Monday could work.  BF picks DS up from daycare/preschool on Friday and then takes him back on Monday.  And then split the holidays that the daycare/preschool observe (MLK day, President's Day, Spring Break, etc.).  Despite your feelings towards BF, you need to understand that it's so important for DS to have frequent, consistent and meaningful time with his father.  

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • imageMrsLuWho:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    Pregnancy Ticker

    image
  • imagejobalchak:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    Exactly.  Yes, my husband has been putting his foot down and fighting with BM more since he and I got married.  But that is due to her refusal to co-parent and attempts to withhold his daughter from him because of her own inability to move on.  Had she been more cooperative about things and not been using K has a pawn then he wouldn't have had to fight her so much.  That wasn't me telling him to fight her, that was him defending himself against BM's desire to keep him away from his daughter since he didn't want to be with BM.  Maybe if you let some of your bitterness and resentment go, and stopped fighting BF so much on his time with your son (the incident on July 4th springs to mind), then he wouldn't need to fight you.

    As for the question you're posing about visitation:  a lot of it depends on the distance between the parties.  The schedule we had with K at that age won't really apply here since we've always lived within 15 minutes of BM.  Since the distance is an hour away, I don't know that a midweek overnight is feasible, unless DS has an afternoon class at preschool.  But an EOWE Friday to Monday could work.  BF picks DS up from daycare/preschool on Friday and then takes him back on Monday.  And then split the holidays that the daycare/preschool observe (MLK day, President's Day, Spring Break, etc.).  Despite your feelings towards BF, you need to understand that it's so important for DS to have frequent, consistent and meaningful time with his father.  

    All of that!

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
    image






  • To answer your question...I am a BM and I willingly agreed to 50/50 with BD because it is what is best for my son.  We live 45 min apart and we have a week on/off schedule.  That cuts down on drive time, drive times that are too close together and he gets significant, uninterrupted time with each of his parents.  When he starts elementary school he will be with me during the week, BD on weekends and then in the summer we are switching to me having weekends and BD having weekdays.  It's called being an adult, compromising and swallowing your pride for your child.
    Pregnancy Ticker

    image
  • imageRhenna:
    imageMrsLuWho:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    +3 !!
  • We have 50/50 every other week, and we've always lived 30-45 minutes apart. This schedule was set up while both kids were in preschool. Now that they are in elementary school, one parent (BM) has to drive the extra half hour on school day mornings.

    I agree with PP about your snide comment. 

  • imageRhenna:
    imageMrsLuWho:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    I'll make sure and update you when the judge tells BF he will continue to get the same schedule or no more Wednesdays.  It doesn't take an Einstein to see that when my son is in school he cannot go to his dad's house an hour and a half away during the week.  Especially when he dad works two hours away from his school and works until at least 5PM every evening.

  • imageRhenna:
    To answer your question...I am a BM and I willingly agreed to 50/50 with BD because it is what is best for my son.  We live 45 min apart and we have a week on/off schedule.  That cuts down on drive time, drive times that are too close together and he gets significant, uninterrupted time with each of his parents.  When he starts elementary school he will be with me during the week, BD on weekends and then in the summer we are switching to me having weekends and BD having weekdays.  It's called being an adult, compromising and swallowing your pride for your child.

    I'm glad that 50/50 has worked out in your situation.  It will not work in mine. 

    Like I said I live 1.5 hours away from BF.  In addition to that he works another 30 mins away in the opposite direction.  There is no way he is going to drive our DS to school 1.5 hours away then drive 2 hours back to work. 

    Thanks for the demeaning comments, but actually what I am talking about is common sense, not taking my son away from his father because I am bitter.

     

  • imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imageMrsLuWho:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    I'll make sure and update you when the judge tells BF he will continue to get the same schedule or no more Wednesdays.  It doesn't take an Einstein to see that when my son is in school he cannot go to his dad's house an hour and a half away during the week.  Especially when he dad works two hours away from his school and works until at least 5PM every evening.

    Yeah you do that.  And I'll be waiting for the post of you coming on here flipping sh!t because your ex wants to fight for custody and wants your son in school where he lives.  Then your ex shows the court with concrete evidence how difficult and alienating you try to be and they side with him and you end up with EOW.

    Pregnancy Ticker

    image
  • imageRhenna:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imageMrsLuWho:
    imagecole2144:
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    My son is 2.5.  I have been split from his dad for a year.  My temporary order gives him Wednesday nights and EOW.  However we live 1.5 hours apart and the pick up and drop off schedule for Weds. nights is not working for any of us involved. 

    The only reason we are going to mediation is because I applied for child support and I believe the court requires mediation.  Then it appears if we do not come to an agreement the court automatically schedules a court hearing.  If it were up to my ex none of this court stuff would be going on.  He has proven with his other children that he won't put in the effort to "fight" for more than the mom gives him.  However he has a girlfriend and we all know that the girlfriends/wives like to "encourage" men to put up a "fight". 

    Anyhow.  Our mediation is coming up and from the last email I got from them it looks like they are going to ask for a lot more time.  So we will be going to a judge because there is no way I am giving him any more than he is getting.  He is at about 30% time which is a lot for a non custodial parent who lives 1.5 hours away and works almost two hours away from my house. 

    I am curious what other people's schedules are for preschool age and if it was mutual or judge ordered.  Thank you!

    What is that supposed to mean? If you mean do some of us encourage our husbands to stop letting BM trample all their rights than you are right but my husband fights for his child because he wants her with him as much as possible. Bitterness is quite ugly. We get it, you hate his girlfriend but it is over for you two so maybe you should try moving on.

    This!! 

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    I'll make sure and update you when the judge tells BF he will continue to get the same schedule or no more Wednesdays.  It doesn't take an Einstein to see that when my son is in school he cannot go to his dad's house an hour and a half away during the week.  Especially when he dad works two hours away from his school and works until at least 5PM every evening.

    Yeah you do that.  And I'll be waiting for the post of you coming on here flipping sh!t because your ex wants to fight for custody and wants your son in school where he lives.  Then your ex shows the court with concrete evidence how difficult and alienating you try to be and they side with him and you end up with EOW.

    Ouch!!!!but yeah totally within the realm of possibility AND FYI it's preschool NOT something the kid couldn't miss once a week like regular school. Not that I think it's a great idea to miss school and mess with a routine, just saying.
  • imageRhenna:

    +2  And it really makes me angry when I hear women making statements like you did about you not allowing him more time with his child.  Who ever put you as the end all be all god in your childs life?  Your child has two parents and his father obviously wants him so get off of your power trip and realize it isn't about you and you don't get to solely call the shots. 

    I have a feeling you are going to be in for a rude awakening when a judge sees what your mindset and behavior really is.  Mothers are no longer assumed to be the custodial parent in this day and age and you need to watch yourself before that is stripped from you for being difficult and downright BSC.

    ^^  All of this, especially the bolded.  Judges get pretty p!ssed off when they see that one parent is deliberately interfering with the other parent's relationship with the child.  As a paralegal, I've seen plenty of cases during my career where the custody was changed simply because BM made things difficult.  Judges want kids with the parent who is going to encourage the relationship with the other parent.  Please watch your step.  BF has documented instances where you didn't let him have his son and has involved an attorney when asking you for holiday time.  Police have been called and you still refused time on BF's day per the CO.  Please start putting your son first and stop this vindictive war against BF.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • imagejobalchak:

    Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    You are correct, I seem to recall something about him living in the house with the tree where she planted her placenta

    No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.
    image






  • imagecole2144:
    imagejobalchak:

    Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    You are correct, I seem to recall something about him living in the house with the tree where she planted her placenta

    How could I forget that part?!?!

    Also, you have a temporary order.  So neither of you has been definitively given primary custody.  You have it right now under temporary orders.  You need to keep in mind that a judge hasn't actually given a final word on any of this and your ex has just as much chance of being awarded primary custody as you do.

    Pregnancy Ticker

    image
  • imageRhenna:
    imagecole2144:
    imagejobalchak:

    Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    You are correct, I seem to recall something about him living in the house with the tree where she planted her placenta

    How could I forget that part?!?!

    Also, you have a temporary order.  So neither of you has been definitively given primary custody.  You have it right now under temporary orders.  You need to keep in mind that a judge hasn't actually given a final word on any of this and your ex has just as much chance of being awarded primary custody as you do.

    Thank you all for your complete lack of support.  Though I suppose it does help to hear the devil's advocate view.  However I tend to believe my attorney who has told me that barring BF being able to prove drug abuse or something along those lines (which he cannot) my primary custody will not be taken away. 

    I do not make it difficult for my son to see his father nor discourage a relationship.  I have voluntarily given him 30% time.  If he was in my city and called me and said hey I want to stop by and see my son I would let him.  However since he is throwing a tantrum about everything he would never do that even if he was nearby (which I know he occasionally is).  However his teenage daughters have several times done that very thing and been able to see their brother.  And he is currenty not speaking to them because of that.  Who sounds like the a-hole now??

    I find it interesting that jobalchack continues to bring up the fourth of july incident.  MY ATTORNEY told me to do what I did.  And if it wasn't clear the first time around I had plans out of town.  When he did not show up to pick up his son I preceded with my plans to go to the Lake hours away.  I was not going to sit around my house waiting to see what his father was going to do or not do.  He got his police report and BTW I never recieved any notice of a contempt charge hearing so just as my attorney said BF never bothered to follow through on all of his threats. 

  • imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imagecole2144:
    imagejobalchak:

    Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    You are correct, I seem to recall something about him living in the house with the tree where she planted her placenta

    How could I forget that part?!?!

    Also, you have a temporary order.  So neither of you has been definitively given primary custody.  You have it right now under temporary orders.  You need to keep in mind that a judge hasn't actually given a final word on any of this and your ex has just as much chance of being awarded primary custody as you do.

    Thank you all for your complete lack of support.  Though I suppose it does help to hear the devil's advocate view.  However I tend to believe my attorney who has told me that barring BF being able to prove drug abuse or something along those lines (which he cannot) my primary custody will not be taken away. 

    I do not make it difficult for my son to see his father nor discourage a relationship.  I have voluntarily given him 30% time.  If he was in my city and called me and said hey I want to stop by and see my son I would let him.  However since he is throwing a tantrum about everything he would never do that even if he was nearby (which I know he occasionally is).  However his teenage daughters have several times done that very thing and been able to see their brother.  And he is currenty not speaking to them because of that.  Who sounds like the a-hole now??

    I find it interesting that jobalchack continues to bring up the fourth of july incident.  MY ATTORNEY told me to do what I did.  And if it wasn't clear the first time around I had plans out of town.  When he did not show up to pick up his son I preceded with my plans to go to the Lake hours away.  I was not going to sit around my house waiting to see what his father was going to do or not do.  He got his police report and BTW I never recieved any notice of a contempt charge hearing so just as my attorney said BF never bothered to follow through on all of his threats. 

    I ikeep bringing it up because you blatantly violated the CO.  He's supposed to have DS on Wednesdays, and then you decided to deviate from the CO as to where he should pick DS up.  Then when you didn't show up where the CO specifies, BF called the police and then still offered to drive out to pick up DS from you and you refused him his CO'd parenting time.  I don't care what your attorney told you, you violated the CO and maybe you should look for a new attorney.  Any attorney that would tell you to violate the CO clearly doesn't have any respect for the Court.

    You threw a fit about him potentially coming to the Dr appt for DS and got angry that he might have the nerve to bring GF to it, even though you bring your BF to the appts.  And you yourself said he tried to still get his son on 4th of July per the CO and you refused it.  So much for your statement of "If he was in my city and called me and said hey I want to stop by and see my son I would let him."  I call BS.  Who cares if your plans were out of town, you knew there is a CO in place and that Wednesdays are his days.  You deliberately made it more difficult then it needed to be and you robbed your son of time with his father.  So in your words, "who sounds like the a-hole now?"

    You just don't get it.  You don't care about what's best for your son, you only care about yourself and "beating" BF.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • imagejobalchak:
    imagedmndsr4eva:
    imageRhenna:
    imagecole2144:
    imagejobalchak:

    Also, a total side note.  Haven't you said previously that BF still lives in the home you two shared together?  If I'm wrong in that, then disregard the rest of this post.

    If BF still lives in the home that you 2 shared, that means you are the one who moved an hour and a half away.  His circumstances then haven't changed, yours have.  Be prepared to answer the Judge and mediator as to why you moved so far away.  If it was for work, just say it was for work.  Please don't make the mistake of saying you moved that far away just to get away from BF.  That's not going to work in your favor.  A Judge might look at you moving that far away as a deliberate attempt on your part to alienate BF from having meaningful contact with DS.

    You are correct, I seem to recall something about him living in the house with the tree where she planted her placenta

    How could I forget that part?!?!

    Also, you have a temporary order.  So neither of you has been definitively given primary custody.  You have it right now under temporary orders.  You need to keep in mind that a judge hasn't actually given a final word on any of this and your ex has just as much chance of being awarded primary custody as you do.

    Thank you all for your complete lack of support.  Though I suppose it does help to hear the devil's advocate view.  However I tend to believe my attorney who has told me that barring BF being able to prove drug abuse or something along those lines (which he cannot) my primary custody will not be taken away. 

    I do not make it difficult for my son to see his father nor discourage a relationship.  I have voluntarily given him 30% time.  If he was in my city and called me and said hey I want to stop by and see my son I would let him.  However since he is throwing a tantrum about everything he would never do that even if he was nearby (which I know he occasionally is).  However his teenage daughters have several times done that very thing and been able to see their brother.  And he is currenty not speaking to them because of that.  Who sounds like the a-hole now??

    I find it interesting that jobalchack continues to bring up the fourth of july incident.  MY ATTORNEY told me to do what I did.  And if it wasn't clear the first time around I had plans out of town.  When he did not show up to pick up his son I preceded with my plans to go to the Lake hours away.  I was not going to sit around my house waiting to see what his father was going to do or not do.  He got his police report and BTW I never recieved any notice of a contempt charge hearing so just as my attorney said BF never bothered to follow through on all of his threats. 

    I ikeep bringing it up because you blatantly violated the CO.  He's supposed to have DS on Wednesdays, and then you decided to deviate from the CO as to where he should pick DS up.  Then when you didn't show up where the CO specifies, BF called the police and then still offered to drive out to pick up DS from you and you refused him his CO'd parenting time.  I don't care what your attorney told you, you violated the CO and maybe you should look for a new attorney.  Any attorney that would tell you to violate the CO clearly doesn't have any respect for the Court.

    You threw a fit about him potentially coming to the Dr appt for DS and got angry that he might have the nerve to bring GF to it, even though you bring your BF to the appts.  And you yourself said he tried to still get his son on 4th of July per the CO and you refused it.  So much for your statement of "If he was in my city and called me and said hey I want to stop by and see my son I would let him."  I call BS.  Who cares if your plans were out of town, you knew there is a CO in place and that Wednesdays are his days.  You deliberately made it more difficult then it needed to be and you robbed your son of time with his father.  So in your words, "who sounds like the a-hole now?"

    You just don't get it.  You don't care about what's best for your son, you only care about yourself and "beating" BF.

    wow! She is right, an attorney is only as ethical as your fee allows him to be. For the record BM's "attorney" commited forgery, and another attorney suggested to a friend that he STOP paying child support while in the midst of the divorce process. Brilliant minds.
  • I can assure you that my attorney is experienced, smart, and to boot kind and caring.  He himself has been through a divorce with a young daughter involved. 
  • I think the quote in your signature is very telling of your mindset. Nothing anyone tells you, unless it's screw that cheating *** will you listen to. You do not see this situation clearly at all, and in the end you are living a toxic life full of hate an anger. That is not healthy for you or your child. 
  • imagexmaryrickx:
    I think the quote in your signature is very telling of your mindset. Nothing anyone tells you, unless it's screw that cheating *** will you listen to. You do not see this situation clearly at all, and in the end you are living a toxic life full of hate an anger. That is not healthy for you or your child. 

    Yes I understand that everyone would be much happier if I would forgive and forget.  Maybe sometime but there is no way I am anywhere near that now.  I'm glad that you all have been able to move on so unselfisly.  But I know that I amnot alone in the way I feel.  That is way the courts in my city are filled the brim with divorce and child custody cases.  And I can't even get a mediation without having to wait for three months.

  • imagedmndsr4eva:

    imagexmaryrickx:
    I think the quote in your signature is very telling of your mindset. Nothing anyone tells you, unless it's screw that cheating *** will you listen to. You do not see this situation clearly at all, and in the end you are living a toxic life full of hate an anger. That is not healthy for you or your child. 

    Yes I understand that everyone would be much happier if I would forgive and forget.  Maybe sometime but there is no way I am anywhere near that now.  I'm glad that you all have been able to move on so unselfisly.  But I know that I amnot alone in the way I feel.  That is way the courts in my city are filled the brim with divorce and child custody cases.  And I can't even get a mediation without having to wait for three months.

    Courts all over the Country are "filled to the brim" with family law matters.  That doesn't mean that every single person going to Court is bitter, resentful, vindictive and toxic.  It simply means that when the economy takes a nose-dive people are more likely to file for divorce and the Courts are backed up.

    And no one is saying "forgive and forget".  We're saying to stop letting your blind rage and desire to make BF suffer impact your child.

    image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools



  • we have SS every other week. BM lives only about 15 minutes away from us, but the change off happens at day care 90% of the time. It was an agreement that my fiance and baby mama made when he was born.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imagedmndsr4eva:

    imagexmaryrickx:
    I think the quote in your signature is very telling of your mindset. Nothing anyone tells you, unless it's screw that cheating *** will you listen to. You do not see this situation clearly at all, and in the end you are living a toxic life full of hate an anger. That is not healthy for you or your child. 

    Yes I understand that everyone would be much happier if I would forgive and forget.  Maybe sometime but there is no way I am anywhere near that now.  I'm glad that you all have been able to move on so unselfisly.  But I know that I amnot alone in the way I feel.  That is way the courts in my city are filled the brim with divorce and child custody cases.  And I can't even get a mediation without having to wait for three months.

     

    No. We wouldn't be happier if you forgive and forget. YOU would be happier. But that's as side issue. One that none of us can help you with.

     To the question at hand- What is a good visitation for a preschooler? First, I think its lucky your son has a father who wants to see him, is fighting to see him and is willing to do what he can. It's great your son has a mother who loves him and wants what's best for him. You have NEVER said he was a bad father. Bad partner/husband. sure. But not a bad dad. Okay. Remembering the above (two parents who love your son, two parents who are good parents) what is best for your son? 

    KEEPING YOUR SON IN YOUR MIND- It's probably not best for your 2.5 year old to go 14 days between visits with his dad. Your SON will not be able to develop the relationship your SON needs with his dad. So- what about Wednesday overnights? Do you know if his dad will drive him back to preschool, or are you assuming he won't? What about meeting him half way once a week so he can hang out with his dad, and you can go do whatever. Remember, you are the one who moved.

    What are you going to do for your SON to help him develop his relationship with his dad? It's HIS DAD.  And school isn't for 2.5 more years. So if your SON misses a day of preschool once a week, it won't damage him. But to force him to go 14 days between visiting his dad will. 

     I capitalized son so just maybe you will see it isn't about you. Every time you make a decision, ask yourself how it helps your SON. What is best for your SON. It's not the same as what's best for you.  

  • imagedmndsr4eva:

    imagexmaryrickx:
    I think the quote in your signature is very telling of your mindset. Nothing anyone tells you, unless it's screw that cheating *** will you listen to. You do not see this situation clearly at all, and in the end you are living a toxic life full of hate an anger. That is not healthy for you or your child. 

    Yes I understand that everyone would be much happier if I would forgive and forget.  Maybe sometime but there is no way I am anywhere near that now.  I'm glad that you all have been able to move on so unselfisly.  But I know that I amnot alone in the way I feel.  That is way the courts in my city are filled the brim with divorce and child custody cases.  And I can't even get a mediation without having to wait for three months.

     

    No. We wouldn't be happier if you forgive and forget. YOU would be happier. But that's as side issue. One that none of us can help you with.

     To the question at hand- What is a good visitation for a preschooler? First, I think its lucky your son has a father who wants to see him, is fighting to see him and is willing to do what he can. It's great your son has a mother who loves him and wants what's best for him. You have NEVER said he was a bad father. Bad partner/husband. sure. But not a bad dad. Okay. Remembering the above (two parents who love your son, two parents who are good parents) what is best for your son? 

    KEEPING YOUR SON IN YOUR MIND- It's probably not best for your 2.5 year old to go 14 days between visits with his dad. Your SON will not be able to develop the relationship your SON needs with his dad. So- what about Wednesday overnights? Do you know if his dad will drive him back to preschool, or are you assuming he won't? What about meeting him half way once a week so he can hang out with his dad, and you can go do whatever. Remember, you are the one who moved.

    What are you going to do for your SON to help him develop his relationship with his dad? It's HIS DAD.  And school isn't for 2.5 more years. So if your SON misses a day of preschool once a week, it won't damage him. But to force him to go 14 days between visiting his dad will. 

     I capitalized son so just maybe you will see it isn't about you. Every time you make a decision, ask yourself how it helps your SON. What is best for your SON. It's not the same as what's best for you.  

  • I have a three year old.

    He sees his dad EOW, we alternate holidays, and he gets 2 weeks in the summer. (Though, I've given him more time in the summer if he's off work and gives me enough notice to cancel daycare.)

    We would probably have something closer to 50/50, except that we live three hours apart and that's just too far.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagedmndsr4eva:

    I'll make sure and update you when the judge tells BF he will continue to get the same schedule or no more Wednesdays.  It doesn't take an Einstein to see that when my son is in school he cannot go to his dad's house an hour and a half away during the week.  Especially when he dad works two hours away from his school and works until at least 5PM every evening.

    It may not take an Einstein to see that.  BUT it doesn't take an Einstien to understand how your derogatory comments about StepMothers (or girlfriends who play a stepmom role) could get people's hackles up.

    And secondly, perhaps your ex has plans to change his work schedule in order to accomadate visitation.  Or maybe the courts will award 50/50 with every other week scheduling.  (My sister-in-law has a 4 yr old and she and the BF have this schedule.  They live 2.5 hours apart.  One week the child is with SIL and goes to one pre-school and the next week she's with her dad and goes to the other pre-school....it's sort of a weird set up, but it works for them and their dtr has adjusted pretty well to it.  the schools are both aware of the arrangement and are understanding of it.)

    Or maybe the courts will have a whole different plan in mind.  But you shouldn't make snarky comments about the girlfriend/wife just because you're frustrated that you can't have your child all to yourself anymore.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Are you getting any therapy OP?
  • Are you really engaged??
  • We used to have the EOW and Wednesday night schedule also.  DH and BM agreed in mediation to change it to Monday nights.  That eliminated an exchange every other week.  So now whenever SD goes to BMs for the weekend her stay lasts through Tuesday morning.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"