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Parenting
MomlovesEloise
member
James Holmes' Parents
MomlovesEloise
member
in Parenting
This article got me thinking. Would you stand by your child if they did something like this? Do you think they deserve the negative attention they are getting?
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Re: James Holmes' Parents
I loved the book! Unfortunately, I read while pregnant, so it caused a bit of anxiety during those newborn days...
And the movie didn't hold my attention.
In my home town, back in the early 90s, there was a grisly murder committed by 3 boys in their late teens/early 20s. Their parents went through a lot of this, as I recall. We all think something like this could never happen to us until it does. I do not think they deserve all of the negative attention, but it is typical.
I would stand by my child. I don't think that is the same as condoning what they did. I would expect her to be prosecuted to the full extent, but I would be there next to her in court, yes.
They absolutely do not deserve the negative attention they're getting. Even if it comes out that they were horrible parents, no one tries to raise a murderer. To a much lesser degree, I've seen in my own family that how a kid is parented doesn't always matter. I have two male cousins (brothers), only a couple years apart. They were raised by a mother and father who are educated and had a comfortable lifestyle. They both went to the same private school, were afforded access to the same extra curricular activities and were made to obey the same rules. One is a successful lawyer who is married to a doctor and they have a baby. The other is assumed to be drug addicted and has drifted in an out of various part time jobs and is often homeless.
I can't imagine what it's like to know your child did something like this. You can't shut off love for your child and I can only imagine that it literally feels like it's tearing you apart.
I would like to think I'd stand by my child, but I hope like hell that I'm close enough to her that I would know if she was going through something that might lead her to do something horrible.
While I do feel some sympathy for the parents, it makes me uncomfortable that the first quote from the mom right after the incident was something along the lines of "you have the right guy. I need to get to CO." If she knew something was going on with her son and that he needed mental health help or whatever, didn't she have some duty to do everything in her power to see that he got it? Maybe she did and I'm over-simplifying, but I just feel like the parents have to have some role in how this all developed.
I come from a family rampant with mental illness. I know that I'm going to try to be keenly observant when it comes to signs of mental illness in my daughter or any future kids.
I've since read that she was misquoted. Her answer was "You have the right person" when asked if she was so and so, mother of so and so.
I heard that she said "you have the right guy", meaning that you are speaking to the right person.
I missed that clarification. That does impact my feelings towards his parents, but as a parent myself, I really would just hope that I'm in a position to interject if I feel like my daughter is heading down a path to destruction. I know that may not be possible, but if I don't believe that I could help, that's just too depressing for me to consider.
I know, it was so good! I felt like every sentence had 4 or 5 interpretations. But whenever I rave about it I feel a little bit morbid.
I can't imagine parents having to live it in real life. Given that the parents fall within a certain range of normal (e.g., not beating their child, and so on), I can't imagine that it's their fault. You have to be wired the wrong way or go through something extreme - or both - to commit that kind of atrocity.
I agree and hope the same. But it's hard to see those flags, especially when your child is grown and living states away.
Seriously, those reporters were cruel.
This. Sometimes it is a lack of attention, and sometimes it doesn't matter what you do as a parent. My son will always be my son, no matter what he does, and while I may wind up not liking him depending on whats going on, I would hope I would always love him.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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I would stand by my child just as I would if they had cancer or any other serious debilitating disease. Nobody who is mentally well commits this type of crime, so I couldn't treat them differently than a cancer patient.
This is not to say I would try to prevent them from whatever punishment the justice system doles out because they did kill someone(s), but that I couldn't just leave my child in their time of need.
Also, as an adult living on his own his parents might not see or talk to him frequently to know what to watch for (I know DH doesn't call his parents nearly as frequently as I talk to my mom). Apparently a few weeks ago he failed his qualifying exam for his PhD program and dropped out of school. They may have attributed silence and depression to that.
I feel bad for them. If later actual evidence comes out that they were abusive ass'holes then of course my opinion will change, but for now I really feel bad for them.
This. And even if you were close by and saw the signs unless your kid is under 18 or is an imminent (sp?) danger to themselves or others you can't force them to seek help. To blame the parents of a 24 year old for his actions makes no more sense than blaming the parents of a 50 year old for his actions. At the end of the day he was an adult and has to take responsiblity for his own horrible actions.
I was gonna post this question yesterday.
My mom always told me growing up that no matter what I did in life she would always love me. I feel the same way. I will always love DS no matter what. If this was DS I would stand by him because he is my son and I love him. I would not support what he did, though and I sure as hell wouldn't condone it.
Yeah, and consider ALL of the people that display warning signs. It's not like warning sign=mass murder. It's a very small percentage that actually manifest in tragedy, and short of the prepetrator saying "I'm going to do this," there's no way to accurately predict which ones.
This.
I feel worse for the victims and their family and friends but I also feel really bad for his parents. Yes their DS is still alive but I know they are going through h e l l right now too. I don't know what his home life was like or if his parents had any indication of mental illness or if he suffered from any abuse that could have contributed to his actions.I try give people the benefit of the doubt and not make judgments about people when I don't know the facts.
It's hard to say how I would feel if I was in their position but would I like to think that I would stand by my children if (god forbid) they ever did anything like this.I love my children unconditionally and to me that means I will always be by their side and love them no matter what. That being said, I don't mean that I would ever cover for them or help them try to get away with it. My children would have to deal with the consequences of their actions and I would do my best to make sure that they get the help they need to ensure this would never happen again, and if that means they spend the rest of their life in bars or in a mental institution then so be it.