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November 2012 Moms
Name disappointment
I can't even imagine how I can write this post without being flammed because of the content discussed by family, but I need to get it out. I figured being flammed on here is better than being even more so by family!
I touched on this a bit yesterday but here goes.
DH and I had our boys names narrowed down. Lincoln (Link for short) or Ethan.
I am in love with Lincoln. It is different, and here in Canada it is not very common at all.
Ethan I like a lot but, it is very over used here. Guarenteed he will have atleast 2 in his class.
At first DH and I decided to keep our names a secret, for the simple fact that we did not want peoples opinions. We figured once he is born and has his name there is not much they can do to change that.
Well DH broke the silence. He was unsure about the name Lincoln because of it being different and he had never heard it before as a first name. So he asked around to a few people at work and he got mixed revies. Fine, whatever...they aren't related to baby so their opinions don't matter to much.
Well, familly kept badgering to know names so again he caved and told them our names. Immediately out of the 10 people we told 6 liked Ethan and bashed Lincoln.
The worst comment we got told is that Lincoln is not a name of our race. That if we went to detriot we would find a lot of Lincolns there and not one would be white.
That was extremely offensive to me and realistically I could care less if someone believes that a name is meant for a specific race. That is a bit ridiculous.
Since all of this has happened DH does not want to call our son Lincoln any more. I argued with him about him loving the name before he started getting other peoples reactions and that he should not listen to others if it was a name he loved.
He goes on this rant about all the nick names he could be called (ie Link the Dink).
I explain to him that you could do that with any name and he was being silly.
Needless to say, I am super disappointed DH broke the silence about our names and even more so disappointed that because of 1 ignorant comment we now do not get to name our son what we both originally loved.
Sorry this is so long!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Name disappointment
I'm sorry he told when you had agreed not to. I'd be disappointed that he told & that the reactions changed his mind.
I don't agree with your/his families reasoning behind not liking the name but they have put enough doubt in YH that I think the name has to come off the table. It's really hard to not allow others opinion, especially when expressed so harshly, not weigh on our decisions.
Sorry to hear you got so many comments from people. Ethan is a very popular name. Especially here in the states. I loved that name too until it became so popular.
I grew up in a small (white) town and there was a guy a few years older than I and his name is Lincoln. Everyone calls him Linc. He's a tall handsome guy, who's in a popular local band. Just an all around great guy. If I were you, I'd go with Lincoln. Every kid is going to get a nickname at some point. Doesn't matter what your name is. And its an individual name without being so far out there that it's weird. Go with your heart, forget if others don't like it. If they're family, they'll come to love him no matter what his name.
Oh, you poor woman. I love Lincoln, and I hear you about Ethan; nice, but too popular. And it is awful that your family went all racist on you - nothing more uncomfortable!
Perhaps you and hubs can sit down and start looking for an entirely new, fresh name. I guess that is the only thing to do! And yes, I would be very straight about how much he hurt you by telling others your name plans. He needs to see that this isn't trivial, and that his actions have impacted you.
Oh, you poor woman. I love Lincoln, and I hear you about Ethan; nice, but too popular. And it is awful that your family went all racist on you - nothing more uncomfortable!
Perhaps you and hubs can sit down and start looking for an entirely new, fresh name. I guess that is the only thing to do! And yes, I would be very straight about how much he hurt you by telling others your name plans. He needs to see that this isn't trivial, and that his actions have impacted you in a very uncomfortable and stress-inducing way.
Am I the only person who read the line that said your DH opened up about the name because he was unsure of it? He obviously wasn't as "in love" with the name as you thought, or he wouldn't have been insecure enough to bring it out into the open. It sucks that he didn't talk to you about it more before getting other people involved, but it sounds like he wasn't quite committed to Lincoln.
Maybe you guys will stumble upon another completely different name that is perfect for you all. Good luck!
Personally, I love the name. At the end of the day, it's your baby and when he arrives, family is going to adore him regardless of their original sentiments on the name.
On the race note -- all I can say is, who cares?! I personally don't think Lincoln is indicative of any particular race, but even if it were, so what?
I feel for you on DH breaking the pact -- my hubbie would be in so much trouble if it were him! He may not have loved the name to begin with (if he felt the need to go outbound for opinions), however that still does not excuse his behavior. Task him with finding new alternatives -- and perhaps a few backrubs and dinners to make it up to you
(P.S. -- Ethan is also an adorable name, in my opinion. Know it's on the "popular" list, but I have still yet to know anyone with that name.)
I might be reading into this too much....
It's hard to tell for sure, but it seems to me that maybe your DH didn't love Lincoln as much as you did? If I was super confident in a name I wouldn't poll people to see what they thought, I would just go with it. The fact that he reached out to get opinions might be an indication that he wasn't completely sold on Lincoln?
I was in love with the name Kacie (for as long as I can remember) and when I told DH he thought it was cute and we added it to our very short list of name options. He finally spoke up one night and said he really wasn't a fan of the name and he just went along with it because he knew how much I loved it. We immediately crossed it off our list and I made him promise to be more upfront about his opinions, even if he thought it would make me a little sad. I'd rather be "sad" now than find out later that he dislikes the name we choose for our child. Just my two cents.
I have a name that makes people assume I am a certain race that I am not. It makes me uncomfortable, and I wish it weren't that way. So, if there really was a preconception about the name, I personally wouldn't use it, because it bothers me when people make assumptions based on my name.
That said, I don't at all associate the the name Lincoln and find it really charming! I am a Zelda fan so I like your nickname
I don't think Lincoln is a black name at all. In fact, most of the Lincolns you'll find in the Detroit area would be red, blue, white, silver-- because they're cars.
I do think the race thing is something to consider (though not the end all be all of naming). When I lived in the Netherlands, I dated a Dutch man named Twan-- EVERYONE assumed I was dating a black man until they saw pics.
Like it or not, people make assumptions about names. Hopefully by the time our babies are grown-ups (or better yet-- kindergarteners) those assumptions won't be tied to any hurtful stereotypes. As mothers, we probably have the most impact on the next generation of stereotypes by being very aware of how we speak to, about and interact with people of other races, religions and sexual orientation.
Sorry- that got really far away from the name issue at hand.
This made me laugh out loud. I'm from Detroit and I can tell you that the PP was right when she said most Lincoln's are cars. Ah racism.
It's a super cute name and I love the nickname Link. It does sound a bit like DH wasn't as in love with it as you were, but even so, tell him to man up and form his own opinions. Don't listen to those racist wankers.
I am having the exact same issue with our name, his family made comments that they don't like it so now he wants to look at more names....
I am fine with looking at more names, I don't want him to use a name he is not happy with but honestly we both loved the name to start.....
Something similiar happened to us as well. This is our first child and my boyfriend and I couldn't agree on a girl's name at all to begin with. Well, we finally decided on a name (before we even knew what we were having) and it was all set to be Jerrica Lynn. I LOVED it and he LOVED it even more than me. Well, when we told everyone, they all started to put their two cents in and turns out, it wasn't only him that was influenced but it was actually more me. I like to blame it on the hormones but at the same time, I was just soooooo sick of hearing everyone's comments that I just said forget it. So finally, we decided on a new name....Rylee James for our little girl. We still hear people say "James? For a little girl?" Now I just look at them and give them a "bite me" look and say, "It's my kid and the name James is after my boyfriend's dad who passed away and would love this little girl more than anyone."
First off, I'm very sorry you had to see first hand what jerks people can be when you share your names ahead of time.
Second, Lincoln was ranked at 178 on the last rankings (2011). So you're not going to find a ton of them ANYWHERE. It has a higher ranking in South Dakota and Minnesota, but around 80, so not exactly top of the charts. It also seems to be quite a bit more popular in Australia (83 and 95 in 2 of their states) and New Zealand(74).
(data from https://www.babynamewizard.com/voyager#, which is a super cool site. Check out the namemapper and be sure to double click on names you like for more info)
Oh , and to get an idea of what a ranking means, look up the popular names for the years you were born.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the name Lincoln, and if you like that name best, I think you should go ahead and use it, others' opinions be damned.
Kids, boys especially, will always find something to rag on their peers about. Sometimes, it's something to do with their name. Usually not, I imagine, in this era when names are so much different and more unique than they used to be. Heck, I intend to name my son Kenneth. I imagine he'll probably get a lot of "hey Ken, where's Barbie??" or "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" jokes, but I'm going to teach him to let that crap roll off like water from a duck's back. If it wasn't the name, it would probably be something else, after all. That's how kids can be.
Thank you someone for pointing this out! If there is any preconception about any of the names, I don't think inner-city, I think mid-90s gamers.
That being said, I LOVE Lincoln. It's a strong name, unique, but could still be a doctor or CEO. It's not like you're naming him Purpley Raincloud. I agree with PPs, though, that it seems like your hubby doesn't love it. Have you asked him directly WHY the sudden change of heart? Is it really because of some racists? Or something else? (Also, in case anyone you may have encountered in Canada was confused, Lincoln was one of our presidents. One of the white ones.)
It sounds like you don't love Ethan (though I do!), so maybe it's not to late to go back to square one if he's now dead-set against it. What is it about Lincoln that you like? That it's presidential? What about Grant? That it's a city? What about Carson? That it's two consonant-ending strong syllables? Endless possibilities.
I'm sorry you're having to second-guess names, but sometimes the second round gives you even BETTER names. And besides, when your son is born, it doesn't matter if you name him Fifi, that will be his name, you will love him eternally, and it will be special because of that.
But don't name him Fifi. Please.