Blended Families

Bm communication frustration

Just a little irritated. I try not to post too much because a lot of people have far worse issues with BM's than I do but I'm hormonal and a bit upset.

We have pretty decent communication with BM and I won't lie this is because I put in pretty extreme effort. She makes zero effort to communicate pick up/ drop offs until the last minute and then b!tches if were not available, she will not give me any info ahead of time to plan either. Okay, fine. I show I can be a good communicator and provide her with plenty of info in a timely manner- she doesn't- this will revealed in court so whatever.

Last Friday I delivered my son (see birth story board lol :D ). We generally have SS, so I made arrangements with a sitter/family member to care for him while we were in the hospital. We had zero expectation of his mom getting him and we were correct in this assumption. She said she'd "try" to get off work so she could have him so he wouldn't be 3 days with a sitter. I go into labor and my husband drives him over with his bag to the sitters and we contacted BM (because she HAD to know so she could get SS). We provided her (weeks in advance btw) with where he would be, that he had an overnight(s) bag packed, care instructions, and contact numbers were provided for both sides (us, BM, and sitter).

 SS is all set and we're in labor, BM texts me that she couldn't get out of work and wouldn't be getting SS. Fine.

Aside: (Well, we later see via facebook she spent the weekend partying- which has me upset because SS could have been spending some quality time with his mom. He's not used to being away from us but unfortunately he needed to spend a couple days with some family. Part of me thinks it would have been emotionally easier for him at his moms- then again with how she treats him I think maybe not. At least he had a blast with the sitters and he spent fun time with my parents too. My parents also brought him up to the hospital to meet his brother and get a little one on one time with his Dad).

On our second day in the hospital (Saturday) she sends the sitter a text message "Where the he11 is my son?" She knew exactly where he was (she contacted the sitter where he was staying).Sitter calls MY mother not knowing what to do and is upset at the out of the blue text plus the rudeness. My mom advised sitter to say "We can discuss this when you can speak to me civilly and respectfully." Well thankfully BM backed off and apologized and sitter said until DH calls and authorizes her to get SS, she would not be releasing SS to her care. As soon as my DH found out he called BM and she said she wouldn't be getting him for another 4 days.

Enter Sunday (we got discharged in the evening and got home later into the evening- DH gets called into work!!! so SS stays at the sitters one more night) BM gives me snarky fb comment around mid-night saying she's been trying to get a hold of us and wants SS (because you wait until midnight to facebook someone when it's apparent both parties have been online all throughout the day?!) Thankfully I was awake after feeding DS and checked it at 2:30am- and she was still awake. DH calls her- and she wants SS Monday "at some point". DH says fine, he would be picking up SS from sitters and after he spends some quality time with him, she can have SS. 

SS did NOT want to go to his mom's yesterday- I felt terrible because he missed his Daddy and his house and his Momma Hannah. We encouraged him that he would see us soon and he would have lots of fun with his Mom. She's dropping him off tomorrow- while I'm grateful for the extra time to adjust to having a newborn at home, I really just miss my step son. Thankfully my mom will be over tomorrow night to help with DS so DH and I can spend some one on one time with SS. It's going to be a big adjustment with a new baby and I'm grateful that my mom is able to help so that we can give SS some extra attention tomorrow.

In the end this probably worked out in the best possible way and I'm lucky that SS had a good time with the sitter and that the time BM has him gave us some one on one time with our newborn. However I'm still coming off the hormones of giving birth and am very cry-ie and so I miss my step son. I can't wait to further introduce him to his brother and I've been wanting to just love on him. I think I'm just really over-emotional right now- so forgive me. I've just been frustrated about this and wanted to express it somewhere.


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Re: Bm communication frustration

  • You're awesome. I'm going to go read your birth story now.
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  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    You're awesome. I'm going to go read your birth story now.

    LOL I'm so hormonal that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you!


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  • was just about to ask you if you had the baby! running over to read the story now, but wanted to say congrats!

    sucks BM is such a flake, glad it all worked out in the end though.  just focus on surviving for the next few weeks, you don't have to be super mom.  the vaccuming can get put on hold, and jeans can get worn two days in a row.  rest when the baby sleeps, best advice EVER!!

                           
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  • imagenurrieum:

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    You're awesome. I'm going to go read your birth story now.

    LOL I'm so hormonal that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you!

    I guess all this BF'ing has me a little hormonal still because your story almost made me cry. I can't believe it's been 8 months since my LO was born.
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  • imageholly71087:

    was just about to ask you if you had the baby! running over to read the story now, but wanted to say congrats!

    sucks BM is such a flake, glad it all worked out in the end though.  just focus on surviving for the next few weeks, you don't have to be super mom.  the vaccuming can get put on hold, and jeans can get worn two days in a row.  rest when the baby sleeps, best advice EVER!!

    Thanks!! Yeah I feel like should promote my new eye-liner "charcoal-lack-of-sleep".DH is super helpful though and while I'm nervous about how SS's routine will mesh or rather not mesh with the baby's- the extra's days at home to adjust have helped me get a feel for how to fit them together. 

    SS's cousin was the sitter's for a bit and apparently he was just so ready to help. The baby would cry and he'd run and get a pacifier or her bottle. He kept calling her "Baby brother" and wanted to fix why she was crying so he could "help." He's done this for my sister's little girl too- I think it's adorable. I'll have to watch him though- he may want to "over-help" lol. 


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  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    imagenurrieum:

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    You're awesome. I'm going to go read your birth story now.

    LOL I'm so hormonal that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you!

    I guess all this BF'ing has me a little hormonal still because your story almost made me cry. I can't believe it's been 8 months since my LO was born.

    awwwww. Thank you.


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  • Congrats on your sweet baby!! I love your birth story. My baby girl is 5 months and I remember it all like it was yesterday. Dont be to proud to ask for help if you need it either. Dd is my 3rd and I have needed some help with my 5 yr old. Are you bf?
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  • Congrats on the new baby! BM sounds like a flake!


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  • imagekarleegirl:
    Congrats on your sweet baby!! I love your birth story. My baby girl is 5 months and I remember it all like it was yesterday. Dont be to proud to ask for help if you need it either. Dd is my 3rd and I have needed some help with my 5 yr old. Are you bf?

    Yep. I still have to get a pump so sometimes Dh uses formula to help during night feedings if I'm too tired. Though I've been trying hand expression- I should have a pump Thursday. (I lost a part of the one I had). It's also nice because DH gets to bond with baby, he was the sole caregiver for SS when SS was a newborn so he felt a little lost not doing everything.


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  • Here's a thought.  Follow the Court Ordered visitation schedule. If you dont have one, get one.

    That way, if its BM's time, she knows exactly when (down to the date and time) she can get him and you know that if it is not her time, you don't have to worry about her phone calls. 

     

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  • Wow, that is frustrating to say the least. I just think it is crazy that she texts you while you were in labor.
  • Yay!!  Congrats on your new addition  Big Smile  He's gorgeous.

    Try and let go of some of the frustration and just focus on you and the little guy for right now.  You can't change her behavior, and it seems like SS had a really good time with the sitter and Gma.  As long as the kiddos are happy and healthy, we can't ask for much more.

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