Blended Families

vacation

BM seems to be keeping information from DH about where she is taking the kids on vacation. They leave tomorrow and still no email or word when he asks about where they'll be. He just wants a city/state. She keeps saying she will email him and never has. Yesterday's text back was, she will email him that evening with the hotel info. Still nothing.....

whats the point of keeping this information from their BF?? isn't it decent to let the other parent know how far away their children will be? could be Florida, Michigan, California....no clue!!

just aggrevated and thinking maybe some of you would agree. They are my SC but i still feel like they are my own and i hate that we have to deal with this crap.

Re: vacation

  • That's weird.  If it says in your H's CO that she has to provide that information, I'd be calling my attorney and asking for a letter stating that if she doesn't provide those details he will file for contempt.  Obviously since they're leaving tomorrow that really isn't an option.

    Maybe we are just paranoid, but if BM tried to take SD out of state without letting us know where, my DH and I would be doing something to stop it.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • Is there a clause in the CO that if either parent takes the children out of the State then they need to inform the other?

    I find it very annoying that BM isn't providing the vacation info.  Personally, I think both parents should know where their children are.  Heck my husband's CO states that he and BM only need to notify each other if they're taking K out of the State, but we still let her know if our plans include us being more than an hour from home.  Not because we have to, but because we feel if there's any sort of emergency, at least she knows where her daughter is.  She usually tells my husband if she's taking K somewhere, but she rarely does.

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  • We agree. We took the kids out of town in May and when we made reservations, DH sent her an email shortly after within a couple of days to let her know the exact dates and where we would be going and that we would even bring them to our "drop off" location the evening we got back so she could take them for the night since it'd be about 5 days without them on her end. And this email was sent to her about 3-4 months in advance before the trip. Now we are less than 24 hours and still no word. ( i just double checked to make sure it didn't come through in the past 20 minutes and DH didn't tell me )

    I just find this to be a way for BM to push his buttons and see how far she can push him. He needs to check the papers tonight for sure and he already told me he's going to tell her this is very innapropriate but it never does anything with her. She's just difficult and loves it.

    I know he wouldn't dare do anything to ruin his kids vacation and its not like we don't trust her and her b/f but at the same time, if we have the courtesy, maybe do the same in return. Just a thought.

  • i have a feeling when or if she ever does contact him about where they will be, she will hear his feelings on this situation. the kids don't even know because he asked them if they did. i thought for a while that maybe she didn't have anything set in stone yet but i told him even if that were the case, she could still just simply say that. Because like you said, we aren't being nosy. we couldn't care less about where she is going to be, trust me! lol  i think she's the type of BM who thinks differently about the father wanting to be involved and know the childrens whereabouts, even though we have them 45%-50% every month!
  • imagejkacera15:
    i have a feeling when or if she ever does contact him about where they will be, she will hear his feelings on this situation. the kids don't even know because he asked them if they did. i thought for a while that maybe she didn't have anything set in stone yet but i told him even if that were the case, she could still just simply say that. Because like you said, we aren't being nosy. we couldn't care less about where she is going to be, trust me! lol  i think she's the type of BM who thinks differently about the father wanting to be involved and know the childrens whereabouts, even though we have them 45%-50% every month!

    Regarding the bolded: BM in my situation doesn't take K places when she uses her vacation time.  She generally just has a "stay-cation".  She doesn't tell us that, because we think she's embarassed that during our vacation time we take the kids places and do things and she doesn't.  I think it's especially difficult for her because my husband does tell her, "Hey we're doing the Zoo on this day, Universal Studios this day, etc" so she knows that we're doing a bunch of fun stuff that she's just unfortunately not in the position to do.  So if the BM in your situation isn't really planning anything, it's quite possible that she's not going to tell you outright that she has nothing planned.

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  • She told him in an email she was taking them on a vacation. just never said anything more obviously. We don't share back and forth when we take the kids places locally like a zoo or those types of things. We honestly don't share too many details with her because of such difficult times in the past with her and of how nosy she used to be (not in a good way). Just vacations and things like that we share so she knows where the kids will be.

    plus she has a live in b/f who brings money in, even though has he has 4 kids, but she gets plenty in child support and makes PLENTY on her own that we know she can afford a trip. there should never be money issues on her plate unless she can't manage it.

  • Eh, I see both sides. I mean my ex doesn't ever tell me where he's taking DD and our CO's do not state he has to unless it's out of the country. I should mention I have no concerns about him running off with her and we like to give each other space and I trust that in an emergency he will contact me. I do think it's nice to tell the other parent though and if we're doing a big trip we do tell the other parent(s). So I think each situation is different.

    DH's CO is the same where it only requires notice for out of the country. BM tells us when she goes out of state which is nice, but we don't think she has to. We did have an issue when DH and I first got together where my uncle passed suddenly while the kids were with us. We had to go out of state (2 hours away where most of my mother's family is) and were only gone during the day, no overnight and BM flipped out because we didn't tell her. Well, it wasn't planned and the last thing we thought about at the time was her. DH pointed that out to her and that she takes the kids further away 3+ hours within the state and never says a word. Since that time, she has had no problem with us takiing day trips to see my family without notice. But like I said, we always tell them if we are going on a big trip but we don't necessarily give specifics.

    I just flew with both the girls and we were gone a week and DD's BD and SD's BM both knew where we were going (as in the city & state) but did not ask me for exact dates, hotel or flight info. If they had though, I would have given them the info.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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