Blended Families

Father of The Year

BF is a jackass.  I've known it for several years.  Even though he doesn't pay his child support, show any interest in the kids' activities or maintain any sort of communication with them between his once yearly visit, he's always at least called them to say "happy birthday".

The kids' birthdays are 9 days apart.  BF called on my daughter's birthday (albeit well after bedtime) to say "happy birthday" and she had to call him back the next day.  But when my son's (E) birthday came around a couple days ago, nada.  No phone call, no FB message, no card, nada.  Granted, to be quite honest even if BF had called, E wouldn't have talked to him.  Is it wrong that I think he should have still made an effort?

E has been extra moody since his birthday.  I thought maybe it had to do with the lack of acknowledgment from his father, but I was chalking most of it up to him being a 13 year old boy.  Then today I see on FB (I check his FB once a week to make sure he's not being inappropriate) that on BF's new son's birthday (which is about 2 weeks before E's) he made this huge status about his "little boy's" birthday.  But he made no elaborate status for my daughter's birthday or E's birthday.  Nice.  BF knows that E has a FB and can see his statuses, and yet he failed to even acknowledge his first 2 children's birthdays in the same way as he did with the new child.  He should really start writing his acceptance speech for Father of the Year.

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Re: Father of The Year

  • Jerk. At least they have you & SF.
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  • I think you used the right word for him. And of course he should have still made and effort, heck, even if only because he deserves to be ignored.
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  • If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!
  • imagejkacera15:
    If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!

    The rule when I allowed E to have FB was that he had to have me, BF, all 3 Gmas and his SM as "friends" so that we could monitor his behavior.  Although now I'm starting to wonder if that was the best idea.

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  • Maybe keep the rule for yourself and grandparents and the rest is optional Wink

    only kidding...

    Would be nice to just be able to make all people in our lives who complicate things, act normal!!

  • imagejobalchak:

    imagejkacera15:
    If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!

    The rule when I allowed E to have FB was that he had to have me, BF, all 3 Gmas and his SM as "friends" so that we could monitor his behavior.  Although now I'm starting to wonder if that was the best idea.

    Yes, but A) BF probably has no interest in monitoring his behavior and B) The "friendship" is hurting your son. 

    You can also keep the friendship, but "hide" BFs posts from E.  That way, if E wants to look on his dad's page, he can, but he is not forced to see BFs posts.  Also, BF can still see E's posts.

    Do everyone a favor - - this year, don't make the kids call BF on his birthday.  If they want to call or send a card - fine.  If you want to remind them that BF's birthday is on XXX date, fine.  But otherwise don't force them.  I'm sure BF may throw a fit, but let them handle BFs birthday in the way that they see fit.

  • imageSueBear:
    imagejobalchak:

    imagejkacera15:
    If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!

    The rule when I allowed E to have FB was that he had to have me, BF, all 3 Gmas and his SM as "friends" so that we could monitor his behavior.  Although now I'm starting to wonder if that was the best idea.

    Yes, but A) BF probably has no interest in monitoring his behavior and B) The "friendship" is hurting your son. 

    You can also keep the friendship, but "hide" BFs posts from E.  That way, if E wants to look on his dad's page, he can, but he is not forced to see BFs posts.  Also, BF can still see E's posts.

    Do everyone a favor - - this year, don't make the kids call BF on his birthday.  If they want to call or send a card - fine.  If you want to remind them that BF's birthday is on XXX date, fine.  But otherwise don't force them.  I'm sure BF may throw a fit, but let them handle BFs birthday in the way that they see fit.

    and talk to your son about if he wants to keep BF on FB bc I would allow him to stop this torture. An I would print out copies of BFs FB page in case it comes up in court you can show why DS wanted to delete him. I would no push the idea but allow it.  
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • imageSueBear:
    imagejobalchak:

    imagejkacera15:
    If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!

    The rule when I allowed E to have FB was that he had to have me, BF, all 3 Gmas and his SM as "friends" so that we could monitor his behavior.  Although now I'm starting to wonder if that was the best idea.

    Yes, but A) BF probably has no interest in monitoring his behavior and B) The "friendship" is hurting your son. 

    You can also keep the friendship, but "hide" BFs posts from E.  That way, if E wants to look on his dad's page, he can, but he is not forced to see BFs posts.  Also, BF can still see E's posts.

    Do everyone a favor - - this year, don't make the kids call BF on his birthday.  If they want to call or send a card - fine.  If you want to remind them that BF's birthday is on XXX date, fine.  But otherwise don't force them.  I'm sure BF may throw a fit, but let them handle BFs birthday in the way that they see fit.

    I actually really like the idea of "hiding" BF's posts.  I'll talk to E tonight and let him know that this is an option for him.

    As for BF's birthday, I've been handling it pretty much the way you suggested it for years now.  They know when his birthday is, and if they ask to call or send a card I always let them do it.  I haven't forced them to do it though, because they're just kids.  Most of the time they forget my birthday and they live with me!

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  • round of applause to dbag dad of the year! what a loser
                           
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  • imagejkacera15:
    If that were my father, I'd probably have deleted him from FB by now!!

    Yes



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  • imageholly71087:
    round of applause to dbag dad of the year! what a loser

    FYI Holly- you are married to this man.

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  • The single parents board used to do a douche bag of the week award. I nominate your ex!

    I hope your son does hide BF's posts. It sounds like the best way to still have the option to contact but not forced to see him being a "father" to the rest of his children.

  • What a jackass.

    I'm 25 (26 next month) and I still roll my eyes at my dad's big "to-dos" about my half sisters shiit. But, he's always been an ass and one that I don't care to devote my time and energy into building and sustaining a relationship with. There are times when SM will get drunk and ramble on about how my dad misses us and wishes that he knew us better yada yada yada. If your ex continues this way, that'll be him--- and your kids won't care. He will be the one missing out, though that doesn't make it much easier on a 13 year old boy :-

    Good thing he has a strong SF to be a role model. 

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