Blended Families

NBR- well could be but kid party related

If you have a public birthday party for your kids, do you invite certain kids and pay for only that kid. Do you pay for that kid & one adult? How do you handle family? Do the same rules apply for family?

We've never had a birthday party for our kids at a paid location and for good reason. Our families are large and even just inviting family we have about 25-30 people at every party. We let the kids do a smaller sleepover or outing with a few friends in addition to the family party. However, DH and I have been thinking about changing that but do not know what most people think is proper ettiquette.

My sister just sent out a FB invite yesterday for her 2 girls birthdays which she is combining. It's for this Saturday (so  4 days notice) and it said she is having it at a small local lake that's sort of like a waterpark. She said on the FB invite she is paying for 1 adult and 1 child only and anything else you have to cover. She invited far more people than just family this time. She just texted me asking for a headcount. We have everyone but DD this weekend. So we would have to pay for 4 of us to go.

I just found it highly tacky that she gave us such sort notice and expects us to just up and pay for 4 more people in order for us to go. Is this the norm? To treat the family the same as random other people. I just think in the same situation, I would pay for our siblings & neices & nephews and maybe just the kids of the other people. Or at least pay for my nieces and nephews and the other kids and let all the adults pay. It's not the same situation as a party where some brings a tag-along sibling because all my kids are invited....

My brother (we all know he's definitely not one for etiquette) has had parties at McDonalds before where they brought in cake and he expected everyone else to buy their kids happy meals. I just don't think either situation is right.

I asked someone at work and they suggested just taking one of the kids but then which would I take and wouldn't it be wrong that one gets to go to their cousins' party but the others don't even though they were all invited? So it would pretty much have to be all or none. I mean, they are my nieces so I will probably suck it up anyway but still.

DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

Re: NBR- well could be but kid party related

  • I think only those on the invite should be paid for. If adults want to stay then they should be paying for themselves. I think it's odd in a family situation to invite some of the kids and not all though. 
  • I would only have a party when I could properly host everyone invited. If there is a need for adults to attend to supervise their children she should be paying for everyone who needs to be there. It's horrible to invite one child from a family and not the rest and it's also horrible to pay for one child and expect the parents to have to pay for the rest. (it's not really a hosted party if you have to pay)

    I would think she should have had a party she could afford and not one that costs the guests to attend.

     

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  • each of your kids was invited.  they should all be paid for.  you and DH should pay for yourselves.  she is definitely being weird about this.  she should pay for all the kids to get in, and any additional siblings OF FRIENDS and any parents that want to stay should have to pay for themselves. Did she ask you for a headcount because she is planning on paying for you all? or so that she can figure out food?

    and 4 days notice is SO damn tacky!!!

                           
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  • I think that all kids invited should be paid for and an adult if one is needed, say if you are going to a pool. If it's family all th ekids should be invited, if it's a friend of the child then you don't need to invite the friends siblings.
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  • imageblush64:

    I would only have a party when I could properly host everyone invited. If there is a need for adults to attend to supervise their children she should be paying for everyone who needs to be there. It's horrible to invite one child from a family and not the rest and it's also horrible to pay for one child and expect the parents to have to pay for the rest. (it's not really a hosted party if you have to pay)

    I would think she should have had a party she could afford and not one that costs the guests to attend.

    All of this. The bolded says it perfectly, short, and simple. 

    image
  • She should pay for all the kids invited and parents if are too young for dropping off. If she is enviting her sisters family and only pays for one kid and not both that is RUDE but she should not have to pay for two parents to stay. 
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • WahooWahoo member

    Call and see if this applies to your family, where the two kids would obviously be invited as they are both cousins.  If not, ask her which child you should leave at home.

    In a way, I can see her point.  If her child is in class with Johnny, but Johnny's mom wants to go (to supervise her own child, nothing wrong with that!), and bring Johnny's little sister, then why should your SIL have to pay?  I don't think a child's birthday party is an event that you usually bring the entire family to.  In fact, I think it is generous that she is paying for the adult.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Just to make it clear to everyone, in my family (I mean the family I was born into not married into) step and half does not exist so we aren't talking about 2 kids here (my bio kids). I have 5 in their eyes, but 4 will be with us that day. My sister doesn't have a BD as in he never wanted to meet her and she was raised by my dad (her SF) whom is the only dad she knows. I am her only (half) sister and my brother and sister are technically her step-siblings. We don't call anyone half or step. So all my brother & my other sister's kids are technically step-nieces/nephews to her just like all of my SKs are. We all got the same FB invite as every other Tom, D!ck and Harry did. So this is purely a financial move on her part, I assure you. I just don't think it's right to say all the kids are invited yet only pay for 1 of each family and it is definitely not the same as a school friend. I would never expect anyone besides family to invite all of my kids to a party and maybe we are a strange family but everyone goes to the niece/nephew's party -  both parents & all kids. And I actually wouldn't think it's wrong of her to not pay for the adults, I actually think the better solution would have been to pay for the kids and not the adults.

    This is the same sister that won't allow us to let one of my nieces (the older one that is close to SD & DD's age) spend the night without us taking both of them because the younger one would feel left out.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • I had ds2's party at a bounce house this year. I had to invite all 25 kids in his class. I was so irritated that 3 people brought siblings and just signed them in on our tab to pay. It was an open jump time so the siblings could be there but they just needed to pay seperately. If every kid brought an extra sibling it would have killed me. I always plan to have enough food for parents since the kids need an adult with them. In your situation I think all the kids invited(so all of yours) should be payed for. The parent I could go either way.(off subject) I hate Facebook invites anyway. I mean go to walmart and get the $5 pack of cheap ones and hand right them.
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