Blended Families

NBFR vent - have enough kids already

I've spent my entire life raising everyone else's kids. My mom left my little sister with me all the time and then I kept a friends kids while she was off being a screw up and a druggie.

Now we've got a couple of kids down the road that are constantly at our house. They are about 5 and 7 or so and their parents haven't even been up to our house, let alone met us. We have seen them playing in the middle of the road several times, they are always hungry and today I bandaged a cut on the little girls hand because she said they had no bandaids at home.

I feel badly for them, but they drive me nuts. They wake up the baby, they will stay at our house until nearly 9 pm unless we send them home, they are into everything, even our mail. I'm at a bit of a loss.

We already have 3 kids, so I feel like I have enough on my plate. I'm kind of tired of raising everyone else's kids. Please don't flame me, I'm just annoyed.

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Re: NBFR vent - have enough kids already

  • Why would any of us flame you?  They aren't your kids so they aren't your responsibility.  Next time they come by, just tell them "now's not a good time" and send 'em on their way.  It's admirable that you're bandaging them up and letting them come in to play (since clearly their parents don't care), but it's not your job.

    You don't need to save/take care of everyone....

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  • imagetifanico:
    Where are their parents? I would think that is worth calling CPS. I really dont think a 5yo shouldn't be outside that late. Do their parents know they are staying at your place or they don't have idea of where they hang out?
    Apparently their mom is at home. I imagine that they know the kids are at so-and-so's house, but whether or not they know where it is I'm not sure.I get the impression that they are allowed to just roam freely until dark.
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  • We do know where they live. I think that CPS is a good idea thank you.

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  • You might try going over to the parents home and introducing yourself.  Then tell them that you've noticed their children wandering unsupervised on the block and playing in the street. 

    I would have no problem telling the kids that they can't stay at your house "we have plans for the day.  You'll have to go back to your mom and dad."  Remember, no one can take advantage of you without your permission.

    As for CPS, I have a classmate who's neighbor had CPS call and report on his stbx-w (not sure which neighbor it was, but they started an investigation).  Stbx-w has major depression issues, and would just let her dd (age 5) wander up and down the block while she slept.  It is a fairly busy street, as it flows into a major road that people travel on. 

    Thank goodness someone called!  My classmate (he is not a close friend) may get custody over this, even though IMO he's a pretty sh*tty parent as well.  Poor kid. 

  • Not for nothing (and yes, I am going to sound bicthy here), but YOU have created these monsters.

    Saying "NO", isnt that hard.  Intoducing yourself to the mother when you walk the kids back down to their house - and then telling her/them that they need to call to check to see IF you are willing to have them over BEFORE they come isnt an outrageous or hard thing to do.

    Saying NO is not being rude.  Coming down without an invitation or permission is.

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  • I can't decide whether I just try to hard to take care of everyone as jobal says, or is it just sad that we can all know about a child who needs someone to take care of them and say that it's not our job.
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  • imageKaeldrasmommy:
    I can't decide whether I just try to hard to take care of everyone as jobal says, or is it just sad that we can all know about a child who needs someone to take care of them and say that it's not our job.

    You are co-dependant.

  • imageSueBear:

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    I can't decide whether I just try to hard to take care of everyone as jobal says, or is it just sad that we can all know about a child who needs someone to take care of them and say that it's not our job.

    You are co-dependant.

    Facinating theory.
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  • WahooWahoo member

    imageKaeldrasmommy:
    I can't decide whether I just try to hard to take care of everyone as jobal says, or is it just sad that we can all know about a child who needs someone to take care of them and say that it's not our job.

    Calling CPS is doing your duty.  Babysitting them for free, when you don't want them, is a sign that YOU have a problem.  That YOU cannot say no.  That YOU are afraid of approaching the adults that are responsible for the child and setting boundries.

    You say this has happened to you your entire life.  The common denominator in this thread is YOU.

    Of course, if I saw a kid alone, hungry, hurt, wandering the streets......I would take care of them and find out where they belong.  That is not the same thing as being a doormat to neighbors who don't care about their kid and would just as soon have a free afternoon every day at my expense.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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