i grew up in a blended family. but now i have my own blended family. so far so good..
but my husband has some MAJOR issues with my x. and for good reason. my husband LOVES my daughter, hes always loved the both of us. we met when we were 13 years old and had been friends for 10 years before we decided to start dating.
when i was pregnant with my daughter and my x and i were separated and he didnt want our daughter, my (now) husband was there for me and for my daughter. hes ALWAYS been there.
so because my husband has always been there, first as a friend, then as a boyfriend and now as my husband ... hes always been a wonderful man in both mine and my daughters life. he loves her as his own and treats her like she is his. which is wonderful to me.
now that we are having our first child together (his first biological) he is SO concerned about being a good father and questioning his ability to be able to love both of our children equally. he doesnt want our daughter to feel as if she is loved any less because she isnt "his". but at 2.5 and him having been in our lives 24/7 for the last year... i dont think she will EVER feel that separation from him as being "his" child.
as far as his concern for being a good father, i point out how amazing he is with his stepdaughter. it calms him for a little while but then the concern for treating the kids differently comes back up. i try and explain that my philosophy on raising kids is that you have to tailor your parenting to each individual child - you can never treat ALL of your children the same way - they are individuals and have different needs and different ways they process things. this i learned from being the middle of 11 children! not one of us was treated "the same" as the others. we were all given wat was necessary for our particular needs.
as for my hubands issues with my x - he hates that i pursue a relationship between my x and our daughter. i understand his discontent with it bc my x will go LITERALLY months without even contacting my little girl. but he is her father and he is selfish. his gf is 8 years younger then him (and still a teenager) with her own 2 year old daughter. he is incapable of sharing his affection and attention. my father was the same and i dont expect much from my x. i know he gives our daughter all he is capable of and i figure there is no use in my being the bad guy that does not promote a relationship between the 2 of them. when she is older she will understand that i am not at fault for the lack of connection between her and her biological father.
i guess after this whole monologue - my question is:
does any one have a similar situation?
how do you deal with this?
how do you console your partner and his/her concerns but maintain your stance?
is it hard for you not to agree with your partners point of view?