December 2011 Moms

"mom group" vent... I am over this (LONG)

I joined a local "mom group" I found on meetup a couple of months ago.  I went to public meetings that were out of my way like they asked, participated in stuff, and started making a couple of "friends," or so I thought.

In the past few weeks, the leader of the group (who I thought I was becoming friends with) has stopped responding to me, even when I ask her a question.  For instance, I sent her a FB message asking for a sitter recommendation and she NEVER responded.  I even saw her a couple of weeks later and she said she didn't respond because she checks FB on her phone and can't write a message from there.  Ok fine.  But then I texted her about her son's birthday party (another long story) and she never responded to that either.  It's not like I send an outrageous number of texts - I can think of 3 or 4 texts I've sent her, and just the one facebook message, this entire time.

At said son's birthday party (which I still went to because I'm trying to make friends here)  DH and I spent the majority of our time talking to the other "new" mom from the moms group, because the rest of the people there were family or long-time friends.  I felt like I was becoming friends with this mom too.  We left the birthday party all excited about the next outing, which was to happen yesterday.

So yesterday DH, LO and I got to the place of the outing a little early.  We went on in because the place gets crowded on weekends.  We stayed for an hour and a half (DS was having a blast playing), and never saw anyone from the mom's group.  It was really crowded but it was a small enough place that we would have seen them.  I never got a text or a call or anything to indicate that the event had been cancelled.

We left and had lunch, did some shopping, and came home.  Later on facebook I saw pictures of the new mom's kid playing at the outing.  I commented on a picture about how we were there but we never saw anyone, and she has not responded to me yet.  I know she's been on FB since because she has commented on other people's things.

I HATE this.  This is why I don't have many friends IRL.  Boy do I wish some of you bump ladies were closer and would be my IRL friends!!

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Re: "mom group" vent... I am over this (LONG)

  • Wow, you just told my life story. I am having a helluva time meeting moms to hang out with.

    DH met a mom with a LO Atticus' age at my last triathlon. Her DH was also doing the race. We all met up afterward and exchanged numbers, and I have  tried to contact her twice..nothing.

    I have gone to activities and talked to moms there, but they all seem to be in a clique already and have no use for me.

    I want to print a shirt to wear around that advertises my new-mom-ness and my lame social life. There must be others like us!

    I am very seriously considering making a meetup group in my area. I am nervous about it though. I am so socially awkward.  

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  • RicolaRicola member

    Gah, I am sorry that happened! 

    I have the same problem though. I also am a member of a mom meetup group and have tried twice so far to go to meetups. Once there were 10 moms that actually RSVP'd yes and I was the only one who actually showed up! How can that happen? I was really mad, especially since it was during DS's nap time and I had kept him up to go.  

    The other time I was supposed to meet 2 other moms and was again the only one who showed up.

    I am also a member of a facebook group for new moms in my area and have actually found a new friend on there. I've met her once so far and she is really nice. I think we'll meet up again next week. :-) 

    Keep trying, it will work out at some point! I know how frustrating it is though.  

    DS born 12/2011
    DD born 03/2014

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  • I have no social life either. I'm not one that makes friends easily, It wasn't until college that I had ANY friends at all. Even now, all my friends with kids live miles away. I have ONE friend who lives locally that I met on the TTGP board that I know I can go hang out with but other than that, I really don't have anyone else. There aren't even any moms groups that I know of...the joys of living in a rural community.
  • Ugh.  I'm sorry about the mom group troubles.  I know there are good, non-cliquey groups out there.  I hope you find one soon!  It sounds like you, DH, and LO had a good time on your own yesterday, so I'm glad you were still able to enjoy a family outing.

    Kwinkle, you could start your own group!  The leader of my mom group wanted a group for active moms.  No cliques, no stress...just fun.  She started this great group and within 3 years it has grown and expanded like crazy!  I love it and I've met a ton of great people.

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  • This is so sad! This sounds like mean girls except they are adults and parents. Ugh I hope you have better luck finding nice moms!
  • Maybe there's something else going on, but... it seems like you're overreacting. Is Facebook and texting the only way you communicate with them? Do they really need to *immediately* respond to your Facebook post to validate you? Is it even necessary for the "new" mom to respond? I mean, you were there, she was there, you didn't see her - why be put out that she hasn't replied, "Oh, I didn't see you either"?
  • I'm so sorry for the way you've been treated, that's really crappy of these women.  Do you live close to your local library?  When DD was small I'd take her to the library to what they called "baby talk".  It was about 20 minutes total and one of the librarians from the children's section would lead a few songs and a few activities.  I met a few moms that way and we've stayed in touch.  Other than that, we've met most of our friends at our local park.  I know it's hard to go to places that like that and meet others when our LO's are too small to walk/slide/climb/play so with DD I didn't meet other moms until she was able to do those things.  Becoming a SAHM was a huge adjustment for me and I never expected my social life to totally tank.  Now with two nap schedules we can really only get out for a short bit each afternoon and the lack of adult interaction is starting to take its toll.  I'm not looking forward to winter. 
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  • All of my high school friends are long past baby stage, a lot of them had their oldest gradute high school last month. One of my close high school friends just had her first grandbaby at 36. We are at such different stages in life. But I am having a difficult time making new friends. I do not have any close friends irl with a baby. I think of in High School/College how easy it was to make friends irl, but not so much since then. So yeah, no advice from me, sorry how yesterday went, sounds frustrating...

  • I don't have the time or energy to force friendships. I only have room for good peeps in my life and if it requires too much work, I move on. Friendships go both ways and are supposed to pick you up not knock you down. If these people don't make you feel good for whatever reason, I'd just move on to looking for better friends that fit your needs. 
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    Lilypie - (ovfd)

  • ccip82ccip82 member

    Im sorry you are having a difficult time with the mommy group.  I know how lonely it can get being a new mom. Does school start for you soon? Maybe you will meet other teachers who have LOs too :)  

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