I've posted before that SD has moved in with us, and I may have vented a little about how different BM does things versus how I would do things. I know people have said "your house, your rules" but I'm running into a couple problems with that 1. DH is more than likely just to let things be 2. It would be unfair to completely pull rug out from under this kid, so I am trying to make the changes slowly.
So, here's my problem (or maybe vent)...SD is very smart but she is dependent on other people for stuff she should be able to do herself. How does something work? What's there to eat? Do we have any xyz? It's like she can't think for herself, or figure things out for herself. I am trying to be patient and remember that this isn't all her fault. BM conditioned her to be like this, but seriously she was standing next to the refrigerator and asked me if we had eggs. Look in the effin refrigerator! I'm pushing back more (although I didn't on the egg thing because it caught me off guard) and trying to get her to think outside of her little box where people have to supply the info to her.
My second problem is her shopping list every week. It's full of things that I usually don't get. I'm a sale shopper, so this list of very specific, brand name items is getting on my nerves. Again, I try to remember that she has been conditioned this way by BM for 17 years so my frustration should lie with her (and it does-I haven't been able to speak with BM as much as before because I am so, so irritated with her over this crap). Of course, then I struggle with if she were my DD and would I feel the same way. I'm trying hard to not treat her differently than I would DD, but really I don't see us in the same situation with DD because I wouldn't let some of this crap start.
I think I'm going to make an appointment to see her old therapist. SD was in therapy for years and I had an appointment with the therapist a few months ago when there were some serious issues, but she changed therapists (to get a different of therapy-nothing wrong with the therapist). She's an adolescent therapist so I think she'll be able to provide some guidance.
Thanks for listening.