TTC after 35
Llamamama
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How do I get past this? TTC for too long=who wants to bd for no reason?
Llamamama
member
in TTC after 35
Hi all! I think having a baby is just not in the cards for me and I am slowly becoming "ok" with the idea. The problem is I have NO desire to have sex.. when I do, it is for dh but I am just going along with it for his sake. Just the thought of it makes me sad (no point because it won't get me pg) and mad (why am I not pg!) which really does not help the situation. Any suggestions?
Me: 40 Dh: 41, TTC since August 2009, began Acupuncture and Herbs Sept 2011, began Temping and Charting Nov 2011.
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Re: How do I get past this? TTC for too long=who wants to bd for no reason?
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You've focused pn TTC for a long time, I think it's really healthy that you're so aware of how you're feeling
Have you told your husband what's going on? It might be hard to for him to hear, but I think he might need to be a part of it. Maybe for you, rekindling some non-sex related intimacy could get you more on the mood.. There's a book called "The five love languages" that was an eye opener for my husband and I when we were going through a rough time. It's a fairly quick read and you can even skip to the parts that are relevent to you. You could probably find it at the local library.
Other than that, talking it out with a therapist can be really cathartic and helpful for sorting out emotions. ((big hugs))
DD born 12.21.09, conceived w/ injects and IUI
TTC#2 since Nov 2011
BFP 2.6.12 m/c 6w5d | BFP 5.25.12 c/p
-Back to the RE-
3 medicated IUIs, all BFN
-Taking a break from treatment-
BFP 11.20.12 ~ EDD 7.28.13
My Chart
I'm sorry you're feeling so down and that things haven't worked out the way you wanted yet. DH and I went through something similar when we were ttc -- basically, we were so stressed we didn't want anything to do with each other after awhile at it felt like a "chore".
The last few months we were ttc, we made a point to try to focus on us as a couple and make things more "fun", by trying different positions out, lingerie, etc. It felt a little forced at first, but after the first couple of times we actually started having fun with it. DD was conceived during one of our "for fun" romps rather than a planned attempt at ttc.
The Men's Health website has an entertaining guide with lots of different position suggestions (including level of difficulty and diagrams!) Totally not safe for work: https://www.menshealth.com/sexpositionmaster/index.html We never got up the nerve to try the Standing Wheelbarrow. LOL
Would a vacation from charting and temping help? Take a shoe box and put all your OPK's, your thermometer... Everything TTC related and box it up and give it to a friend to hold w/ strict instructions not to give it back for 30 days. Then just take a month to "date". Make out in the car, send naughty text mssgs, try to figure every possible way to give eachother an O without actually having intercourse.
See if a break from the norm helps you rediscover the "I want to rip your clothes off" feeling.
I find it to be a relief to have at least a few days after the fertile window to take a break from having sex. I think that dh feels the same way...a few days ago he asked "am I off the hook tonight?". It made me laugh because happily I replied "YES". Many times I give in just so he won't feel like he is only wanted during ovulation time (which he has said bothers him). I don't know what to suggest to you because I am in the same boat - my sex drive has been pretty low lately (not sure whether or not to blame the Clomid).
Just wondering, why did you change your picture?
I am kind of embarrassed to admit this but I have been so down lately, I hated seeing the smiling ME every time I posted. I actually chose the empty crib on purpose.. it's a message to my failing fertility that I get the message.
DD born 12.21.09, conceived w/ injects and IUI
TTC#2 since Nov 2011
BFP 2.6.12 m/c 6w5d | BFP 5.25.12 c/p
-Back to the RE-
3 medicated IUIs, all BFN
-Taking a break from treatment-
BFP 11.20.12 ~ EDD 7.28.13
My Chart
I didn't realize that you were feeling so down, it's hard to read into people's feelings online when I don't have expressions/voices etc to go by. I'm sure my rambling paragraph didn't help, I'm sorry if it sounded insensitive. The explanation about your picture made me realize...
Maybe it would help to talk to a counselor who specializes in infertility. Or would you be comfortable with sitting in a circle and talking with people about infertility issues in a support group? Even just talking 1:1 with someone might help. I haven't heard you this down before...
Oh llama,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can TOTALLY relate. I stopped charting last month (the daily reminder was making me nuts) and started my period this morning. I'm trying to make peace with the idea that our family may be complete, DH is still hopeful which I actually find a little annoying. I think the recommendations to take a charting break or find a professional to talk to could be helpful. I found that the charting break helped me distance myself from the idea of TTC and helped me enjoy sexy time with DH without so much pressure. I know I'm rambling--does that make any sense.
Hang in there!!