am i overreacting?

kansas23

Hi :-) not sure if it's my hormones or if I am just being difficult? My husband drinks everyday ( not a lot, but always has to have a drink) and about once a week he goes out and drinks too much!! Before I was pregnant I was all about that but now that I am carrying our baby I have asked him to slow down a little.  It stresses me out and he thinks I am overreacting!!! anybody else having these feellings? 

Oh and I am pretty new on here and still can't figure out the tickers?? any help out there :-) I am 14 W & 5 D with our first child!!! I am soooo excited :-)  

Thanks :-) 

ellaNu630

Going out for an occasional drink with friends is one thing, going out and getting hammered every single week is NOT ok with me. DS was going out twice a month and getting loaded when I was pregnant with DS, in a hormonal fit one night, I barricaded the door and locked him out of the apt, and let him to sleep of his drunkeness in the hallway when he wasn't home by 3am one morning. Granted, not the best way to deal with the situation, but it was what it took for him to understand just how ridiculous I thought his partying was. Honestly, unless you are a party crazy college kid I see NO reason why anyone should be over drinking that much. You're carrying his child, he should respect that and understand that although he doesn't HAVE to give anything up, he's going to be a Dad soon and needs to man up. 

If he really has a problem slowing it down, then you may have a bigger problem on your hands.  

Schrodinger

Did you guys have a discussion/agreement about this before you started TTC?  What did he agree to then?

You need to be clear to him about why you're bothered by this.  Are you feeling left out?  Are you worried about him being able to take care of you or your baby?  Is his behavior when drunk irritating?  It doesn't sound like your issue is his drinking (since you were right there with him until a few weeks ago), so be clear about what your issue is and come up with a way to address it that is reasonable for both of you.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP

Having a beer or glass of wine after work most nights is fine as long as he doesn't HAVE to have them and going out for a couple of drinks with friends on the weekend is fine as long as he doesn't HAVE to do it.  I think it's more about being reliant on it than it is about drinking it in the first place.  Drinking more frequently/in higher volume than that is bordering on excess, but still has more to do with the need rather than the desire in my opinion.

qteepie42899

IMO it isn't ok.  But that just isn't how we are....even before kids.  I hope that you guys can talk thru it and come to a compromise.  Even once a month going out instead of once a week.  Good luck!

mindy0711

I would have a problem with that.  I have a problem the one or two times a year DH gets drunk (because he gets mouthy), but like I said it's on a very rare occasion.  I'm a happy drunk.

 My husband will have a few drinks during the week, maybe one or two after work one or two nights a week. On weekends he will have a couple if we are having crabs, but he doens't NEED it.  Once football season starts he drinks every Sunday, but I know it's a social thing and he doesn't get out of control so I don't have problem with it.

 You need to have a talk iwth your DH.  Once a week is NOT good when he'll be a father in a few short months.

wootownlady

Nope, not overreacting. Time for DH to reign it in - a special occasion is one thing, weekly overdrinking is not okay. Better to start now than when the baby comes. Plus, what if you needed to go to the hospital - could he even meet you there and be coherent? Try to talk to him without too much emotion (hard I know) but impress upon him the importance of acting responsibly - he'll be one of your baby's role models, time to shape up!

 PS - there's no judgement here - your DH is NOT the first to need a talk like this!

GL.

jobiann

I think you both need to agree on where your comfort levels are. Communication.

My co-workers husband HAS to have a drink or five every day, doesn't matter if it's 10am or 10pm. And she doesnt think he has a problem. (side eye) And that would bother me and honestly if my DH had a beer every night that would bother me too.

He maybe has a beer on the weekends or when his father and him go to the bar after work on Fridays. But that's really about it. Maybe once every two months we'll go out to watch a band and he will have two or three. He hasn't been physically drunk since his BFF's wedding last September.

dulcemariamar1

No judgement from here but IMHO I think your DH is drinking way too much. However, it was probably something you should have discussed before TTC.

I think you should sit down and have a serious chat with him about what kind of environment you want for your LO. Kids pick up on everything.

 

Good Luck!

pistolpackinmomma

My only reason for thinking you are overreacting is because this was the norm for both of you prior to the baby. Yes he needs to change but he's probably also looking at it like he won't be able to do this once baby gets here. I think you need to sit him down and tell him that it stresses you out when he's out drinking all the time. If he wants to have one or 2 when he comes home from work then I wouldn't push that one as much as him getting hammered every week. You will have to learn to pick your battles. While he has had time to change, you can't expect it to happen overnight so be patient.

Allycat11

dulcemariamar1:

No judgement from here but IMHO I think your DH is drinking way too much. However, it was probably something you should have discussed before TTC.

I think you should sit down and have a serious chat with him about what kind of environment you want for your LO. Kids pick up on everything.

 

Good Luck!

All of this.  Personally, I would not be comfortable with it.  I also think this is a conversation that you should have had possibly before marriage and definitely before starting a family, which you may have already discussed. There is nothing wrong with a drink with dinner or to relax after work every night, but I would have a problem with him getting drunk every weekend.  

Thankfully, I am the one that drinks in our house so it hasn't been an issue.  DH will occasionally  have a drink, but I don't think he has had one since we found out I am pregnant. 

misscarter87

kansas23:

Hi :-) not sure if it's my hormones or if I am just being difficult? My husband drinks everyday ( not a lot, but always has to have a drink) and about once a week he goes out and drinks too much!! Before I was pregnant I was all about that but now that I am carrying our baby I have asked him to slow down a little.  It stresses me out and he thinks I am overreacting!!! anybody else having these feellings? 

Oh and I am pretty new on here and still can't figure out the tickers?? any help out there :-) I am 14 W & 5 D with our first child!!! I am soooo excited :-)  

Thanks :-) 

No i dont think you are overreacting at all!

This is how you get the tickers..go to tools make your ticker there are many to choose from..after you are done a code is given to your and it shows your ticker..copy that code..go to my bump..click on edit my avatar/sig..there will be a box at the bottom left hand corner that says avatar/signature..Paste the code given to you in that box and press the save my avatar/sig button at the bottom! It's very easy to do if you need help let me know:)

Jenn0810

No I don't think you're overreacting at all. If you need to go to the ER for some reason or later in pregnancy when it's near your due date, your DH needs to be there for you. If he's drinking he will not be able to drive you to the hospital or be fully aware of what is going on. Late in my last pregnancy my DH was really unsure about drinking more than one beer because he was afraid if I went in labor he wouldn't be suitable to drive me to the hospital. We didn't have family around that could drive me so I had to rely on him. 

kansas23

thanks everyone for your opinion :-) we did discuss this before becoming pregnant I just didn't know it would bug me soooo bad!!!  I don't mind him having a drink every night ( it's summer I understand) I just don't like him getting drunk once a week on top of the drinking every night. I guess I feel like he should be making some major adjustments too.  I have tried to talk to him about it but he just thinks its my hormones!!! we'll be fine he is a great husband and will be an awesome dad. thanks again for helping :-) 

And hopefully i will get my tickers going soon :-)  

this decaf life

I don't think you're overreacting. He's an adult he really shouldn't be going overboard once a week on average, that's super unhealthy.