Is this name offensive?

GeneGoddess

jupiterthecat:

Exactly. Case in point: there's a baby in my daughter's baby swim class with the name Cohen. I haven't seen it written and have no idea how it's spelled-- it could be Cowan or Coen or whatever-- but I assumed it was Cohen upon hearing it, and my immediate judgment of the parents was that they were a either a) too ignorant to realize the cultural meaning behind the name, or b) too culturally insensitive to care. Do you really want to open up yourself, and your son,  to that? And that's coming from a non-Jewish person-- there are a lot of people who would have much more personal, visceral reactions. 

I have a friend whose last name is Cohen.  She is Jewish and from Israel.  I asked her about the trend for naming children Cohen and asked if she found it offensive.  Her response was that she didn't find it offensive at all, but thought that parents who chose it were ignorant or kre-8-ive.  Along the same lines as naming your child Shulberg or Finkelstein.  She found the idea bizarre.

I also know a family with the last name Cowan, except they pronounce it COW-in (like the animal).

kmichln

RedInLove:

capulet:

But I guess I have a different understanding of what it means to live in a pluralistic society.  

 

Right. Pluralism, not assimilation. Your customs are yours, my customs are mine. I don't ask you to live by mine, in return I expect that you won't ask me to live by yours. It's very off-putting to me to be expected to live by someone else's beliefs and not my own.

 Exactly. 

capulet

RedInLove:

capulet:

But I guess I have a different understanding of what it means to live in a pluralistic society.  

 

Right. Pluralism, not assimilation. Your customs are yours, my customs are mine. I don't ask you to live by mine, in return I expect that you won't ask me to live by yours. It's very off-putting to me to be expected to live by someone else's beliefs and not my own.

Asking someone to respect your customs is not the same as expecting them to live by them. Your free choice not to cause unnecessary offense, which you can do simply by not using one name out of thousands, is not the same as my forbidding you from eating bacon.

RedInLove

capulet:

RedInLove:

capulet:

But I guess I have a different understanding of what it means to live in a pluralistic society.  

 

Right. Pluralism, not assimilation. Your customs are yours, my customs are mine. I don't ask you to live by mine, in return I expect that you won't ask me to live by yours. It's very off-putting to me to be expected to live by someone else's beliefs and not my own.

Asking someone to respect your customs is not the same as expecting them to live by them. Your free choice not to cause unnecessary offense, which you can do simply by not using one name out of thousands, is not the same as my forbidding you from eating bacon.

 

I don't consider the name Cohen more wrong over another name, nor do I consider eating bacon more wrong than sausage. You might in your culture, but I don't in mine. Whether you're 'asking me to respect your customs' by not using one name or not eating bacon, or 'forbidding me' for the sake of your customs to not use one name or not eat bacon, either way you are suggesting that I change my behavior to suit your customs. This, I will not do.

candaceleigh21

I personally like the name Cohen and I would not find it offensive but then again I am not Jewish.  I would say however, if you spelled it Cowan, I would not say "Cohen", I would say something that sounds like "Cow-an".  I would either stick to Cohen or go with Coen just to make sure you get the correct pronunciation. 

jlrschmidt

First of all, thanks for all the opinions, I do feel like I have a better handle on the situation.  

I think DH and I have decided on the name Cowen.  A PP was right in saying that Coen would actually be pronounced "Koon", though that is probably my favorite spelling.  Everything I have read said that "Cowen" or "Cowan" is pronounced the same as Cohen, and there is even an Irish politician with the same first name.  I really don't mean any disrespect, but if people on the playground want to judge me for what they hear, so be it.  Strangers everywhere are probably also judging me for what I wear, how my hair is, what kind of car I drive etc.  They will judge my son for similar things as well.  My friends, family, and anyone who sees the name on paper will know that it is not culturally insensitive and has a very different meaning than the Jewish surname.  

Thanks for all the input! 

chibride4

jlrschmidt:

First of all, thanks for all the opinions, I do feel like I have a better handle on the situation.  

I think DH and I have decided on the name Cowen.  A PP was right in saying that Coen would actually be pronounced "Koon", though that is probably my favorite spelling.  Everything I have read said that "Cowen" or "Cowan" is pronounced the same as Cohen, and there is even an Irish politician with the same first name.  I really don't mean any disrespect, but if people on the playground want to judge me for what they hear, so be it.  Strangers everywhere are probably also judging me for what I wear, how my hair is, what kind of car I drive etc.  They will judge my son for similar things as well.  My friends, family, and anyone who sees the name on paper will know that it is not culturally insensitive and has a very different meaning than the Jewish surname.  

Thanks for all the input! 

Sounds like you made the right decision and as a Jew, I appreciate your sensitivity on the matter. Are you sure, though, that you want your DS's name to start with "cow"? It sounds ripe for playground teasing.