SD driving; car question?

dawnm975

SD has her temps, but were not sure how to handle the vehicle issue once she recieves her license.  She is with us for a week and then with her BM for a week.  We have an older vehicle that she can drive, but we don't think it should go to her mom's for several reasons.  We will be carrying insurance on the car and fear that SD won't be the only one driving the car if it goes to her mom's.  Her mom and other family members all share a vehicle and don't want to be liable if there would ever be an accident.  We also don't want to put SD in the situation that she would have to say no one else could drive it (and then hear - but were only running to the store; we'll be right back....).  We thought about having a written agreement about it, but then again, what is to stop someone else from driving it and that would REALLY put SD in a bad situation. 

BM has alreadly commented about SD having this car to drive and is expecting SD to have it at her place too.  So question is how do others handle this and what should we do? 

Ilumine

She can have the car when she is with you.  Cars are not a "right" the last I read the Constitution.  

Teenagers all over the world survive without cars, even with their licenses.  She didnt need it before her license and won't need it after.  

Land to be honest, why are you covering her insurance?   

CFjo2010

Ilumine:

She can have the car when she is with you.  Cars are not a "right" the last I read the Constitution.  

^^ Exactly.  What is it they say in all the driving classes, "Driving is a privilege, not a right"...?  While I'm not trying to say that SD isn't responsible enough to handle a car and I completely agree and appreciate your concern about putting her in the middle to tell family members that they can't drive her car, I think BM needs to understand that unless and until SD can afford to pay for a car she isn't entitled to a car.  Plain and simple.

If the car is in your husband's name and it's covered under your insurance, then you are solely liable for any accidents that happen in that vehicle.  The only suggestion I have is to either keep the car at your home, or sit both SD and BM down and explain that if anyone other than SD drives that car (even for a quick grocery store trip) then you will be taking away the car.  Period.  Have BM sign some sort of acknowledgement regarding the agreement with the car so that if you are forced to take the car away, you can show both SD and BM that you all agreed to certain terms and they weren't followed. 

Schrodinger

Your car, your insurance, your rules.

The liability of a teenager and a car is huge.  It wouldn't even cross my mind to send the car to BM's place if she wasn't paying for any of the insurance.  I do think you and DH need to address the issue with BM though, your SD shouldn't have to take that message to BM.

I also agree with PP's sentiment that your SD should be expected to pay for some of the car's expenses.  I think teenager's should have some skin in the game.  Although expecting them to pay for the entire insurance may not be a reasonable expectation if they are active in sports or other extra-curricular activities.

dawnm975

Thanks for the responses - it confirms what my gut was telling me; to not let the car go to BM's place.  It won't be a pleasant conversation between DH and BM, but I do think it's the best thing to do.  And oh yes - SD will definitely be contributing!  We've already told her that she will be paying for gas and for part of the insurance (waiting to see how much it will go up - yikes!!)  We've been telling her for years about saving for her own car, expenses, college, etc.  We'll see how it goes!

FutureMrsWittig

We haven't had to deal with this yet.  I feel the same way though, when SD gets a car it probably won't go to her mom's.  They don't take care of their own cars.

But honestly, it will depend on who pays for the car, the insurance, and how responsible she is.  We may not help her get a car until she's 18...

Rhenna

I agree with the PP's, the car should stay at your place.  When she is in a position to get a car on her own and be fully responsible for it then she can take it where ever she wants.  When I turned 16 my parents rule was that they would give me a beater car and pay the insurance for the first 6 months.  Then if I wanted to keep driving I was on my own.  So that gave me 6 months to find a job or I was SOL and without a car any longer.  It was definitely great motiviation to get a job.

CFjo2010

Pegleg715:

We also have thought about this even though SD is only 9. (like pp said... talking about when to get me a new car and thinking my current will be SD's in the future)

But honestly, my answer would be look up what the car is worth (on kelly blue book) and tell BM you are more than willing to let SD have the car at both locations if BM would like to purchase half of the value of the car and pay half of the insurance on the car. Otherwise, SD benefits from there being a car at your house and BM can get one for her house as well if she thinks it needs to be done.

Ooooh I like this idea.  I know with the BM in my situation it wouldn't go over well, but I think it's actually a completely reasonable arrangement.

Schrodinger

Pegleg715:

We also have thought about this even though SD is only 9. (like pp said... talking about when to get me a new car and thinking my current will be SD's in the future)

But honestly, my answer would be look up what the car is worth (on kelly blue book) and tell BM you are more than willing to let SD have the car at both locations if BM would like to purchase half of the value of the car and pay half of the insurance on the car. Otherwise, SD benefits from there being a car at your house and BM can get one for her house as well if she thinks it needs to be done.

I would not go for the option of "selling" half the car to BM.  Unless she is on the title, the owner of the car is usually the only person that can be held liable in an accident.  I doubt you want to co-own property with BM.  Would you then have to buy out BM once SD no longer uses the car?  This has all sorts of complications I would not want to get involved with.

hterry85

Pegleg715:

Sorry, I should clarify. I think that if the car is SD's it should be in SD's name... if anything happens at all (god forbid) then the person with the title is responsible and open toa lawsuit. If it's SD there is a lot less potential for it to get costly.

This wouldn't matter, as long as she is a minor her parents can still be named in a lawsuit.

Ilumine

too many legal complications to try to "share" a car with your Ex. 

If Ex wants another car, Ex puts forth the money for the car and insurance and gas.  Or SD can come and live with you on the weekdays and Ex gets weekends.

SusanH.

we went thru this.  SS had to sign a contract and then re-read it with DH to be sure he understood every part of it.  BM was made aware of the contract and it's contents.

Fast forward to  SS getting a ticket while driving BM's car. HE was driving after the allowed hours for a Jr. drivers license.  Even tho he wasnt driving our vehicle, we took it away from him because he broke the contract. He didnt have it for an entire summer which I am sure killed him. 

STicking to the rules sometimes sucks ( sucked for me because I had to go pick him up all the time )  but you cant back down.  Rules are rules and if they are broken, there are consequences.

jnjmommy0609

Teens driving is earned..not an automatic right. You have every right to keep the car at your house. If BM thinks she needs a car there then she can go out and find her one.