How do you handle separation anxiety?

ldoo

My almost 4yo DD cries every night she spends the night with her dad. She wants me and wants to be home with me. I don't think she's crying herself to sleep or anything, but she's clearly suffering some divorce-induced separation anxiety. I am SO SCARED she'll end up with abandonment issues. On a daily basis, I can count on one hand the amount of times I left my girls before they went to bed. I just have always been there. Now I'm not, and she's gotta be wondering why Mommy isn't there with her anymore and also feeling scared/sad.

Please help give me any tips to help get her through this short-term transition and any long-term issues that may arise.

I swear my biggest fear is that they'll end up scarred and with real issues because of this.

CFjo2010

Separation anxiety happens for all sorts of reasons: childcare, preschool, visits with grandparents, and visits with NCP.  It's perfectly natural and she'll be just fine.  She needs to get used to "Daddy" putting her to bed so that she can develop a healthy relationship with him.  I don't think I've ever heard of a child being "scarred" because of separation anxiety.  If children were scarred by separation anxiety, parents wouldn't be able to work until the child is in 1st grade and in school all day long.  She's going to be fine, it's just an adjustment.

ldoo

jobalchak:

Separation anxiety happens for all sorts of reasons: childcare, preschool, visits with grandparents, and visits with NCP.  It's perfectly natural and she'll be just fine.  She needs to get used to "Daddy" putting her to bed so that she can develop a healthy relationship with him.  I don't think I've ever heard of a child being "scarred" because of separation anxiety.  If children were scarred by separation anxiety, parents wouldn't be able to work until the child is in 1st grade and in school all day long.  She's going to be fine, it's just an adjustment.

OK. Thanks. I needed to hear that.

ldoo

tifanico:

She needs to get used to it.

It also depends on how YOU behave when her dad is picking her up.  You need to change your attitude and show them that they will have fun at their dad's and that its important to spend time with him. 

Do I cry every time DD goes to her dad? yes, because 3 weeks its a long time to me.

Have I ever cried in front of her? Nope never.

I remember the first time I dropped her off for her long visitation. She screamed bloody murder and kept calling my name. Even after I was out of BD's apartment I could hear her screaming for me. I pretty much broke down and sat on the floor and cried.

FF 1.5 years. She LOVES being with her dad. When she knows she is leaving she tells me that she will be ok and not to feel sad.

Just give it time. They need to develop their own routine and dynamics. Once they feel settled, it will go smoothly. You will also enjoy your free time.  

Thank you! No, I never cry in front of them and always express how much fun they'll have at Daddy's, how great it is to have two rooms, how it's OK to be sad, but to remember that Daddy loves her and wants time with her and that Mommy ALWAYS comes back to get her. I guess she had a decent night last night (it helps when she's napped - otherwise she's a beast even with me).