this could be a stupid question

nurrieum

Would you document a sunburn? My ss has sensitive skin and this is the second time he's come back with sunburn and this time it's bad. The only reasons he generally doesn't is because I put sunscreen on him before he leaves if I know they are going outside because BM just doesn't. Well this time he's lobster red. We did take pictures but I'm thinking it's not something a judge would consider. I'm not sure. I think it's neglectful because it causes him pain and it raises the  risks of skin cancer but kids get sunburn. It happens.

Cheerilee

A friend of mine teaches preschool and one of her students was sunburnt in her care. She had applied the sunblock sent by the parents. The parents called CPS and claimed neglect. CPS interviewed my friend and she explained the situation - with witnesses to the sunblock application. After the interview, she was told that the sunburn alone wouldn't have gotten her in any trouble.

However, SS was sunburnt 2 days before BM was scheduled to see him. We applied sunblock but apparently not enough I was terrified she'd raise heck and threaten neglect just to be a PITA. After all, we'd document just to be safe. That's always my school of thought. 

nurrieum

Cheerilee:

A friend of mine teaches preschool and one of her students was sunburnt in her care. She had applied the sunblock sent by the parents. The parents called CPS and claimed neglect. CPS interviewed my friend and she explained the situation - with witnesses to the sunblock application. After the interview, she was told that the sunburn alone wouldn't have gotten her in any trouble.

However, SS was sunburnt 2 days before BM was scheduled to see him. We applied sunblock but apparently not enough I was terrified she'd raise heck and threaten neglect just to be a PITA. After all, we'd document just to be safe. That's always my school of thought. 

Thanks- I figured we could just to be on the safe side. I worry because this isn't the first time it's happened and this was a relatively severe. However I got sunburned as a kid too- it happens. I'm pretty hyper vigilant about it but I'm trying to understand that life happens too. I just hate seeing him in pain- thankfully we have aloe spray that works really awesomely well. 

xmaryrickx

I would take pics. But beyond that there isn't much to do. 

 Sunburns suck. If he is in pain crush up a handful of aspirin and dissolve in a cup of water. Make compresses with it. It helps a lot.  

Holly_1007

unless the burn is bad enough that he needed medical attention (ie its blistering/ pussing/ swelling) then I don't think there's anything that can be done about an isolated incident.

however, if this is already the second time this summer, I would at least keep track, if its happening every single time she has visitation during the summer I could see that being cause for concern. 

nurrieum

holly71087:

unless the burn is bad enough that he needed medical attention (ie its blistering/ pussing/ swelling) then I don't think there's anything that can be done about an isolated incident.

however, if this is already the second time this summer, I would at least keep track, if its happening every single time she has visitation during the summer I could see that being cause for concern. 

It's happened before and since then I would put sunscreen on him before he'd leave with her so I could prevent it. It's times when I don't that he comes back burned- I figure we'll keep documenting it to see if there's a pattern- however I really hate that because it means he'll probably get a lot of sunburn.  

karleegirl

How old is your ss? Could you send him in one of those rashguard suits? Can your dh talk to bm about this?I totally understand where you're coming from as there is more in the past with bm than just this. I just wonder all the things ds1's dad and sm documented about my parenting that were just small parenting screwups?

nurrieum

karleegirl:

How old is your ss? Could you send him in one of those rashguard suits? Can your dh talk to bm about this?I totally understand where you're coming from as there is more in the past with bm than just this. I just wonder all the things ds1's dad and sm documented about my parenting that were just small parenting screwups?

He's 3- I've never heard of a suit like that?. However we'd have to continually buy them because once he leaves in clothes we buy we never see them again. We've discussed it with her and she says she puts in on him and it's "just a sunburn". Like I said- I know this happens with kids- I got plenty of sunburn as kid myself and I'm probably overprotective. I'm worried this will just become a recurring issue as it is already looking that way. I figure document it but try not to make a big deal out of it. I do put sun screen on SS when I know he's going on outings with his BM- but I don't always get it every time. If it continues - I will send an email to BM regarding it. Despite the fact that I have issues with how she parents- I don't want to try and micromanage something I have no business controlling either. However it's upsetting when my SS is crying because he has owwwies I feel could have been prevented.

Cheerilee

I would still say something about him being in pain and perhaps provide her with a stronger SPF (or at least word it that way).  "We use ______ and it works well."  You could add under your breath "so he doesn't burn and spend the night writhing in pain."  She really isn't doing the right thing if he's in pain often over something that can be prevented

nurrieum

Cheerilee:

I would still say something about him being in pain and perhaps provide her with a stronger SPF (or at least word it that way).  "We use ______ and it works well."  You could add under your breath "so he doesn't burn and spend the night writhing in pain."  She really isn't doing the right thing if he's in pain often over something that can be prevented

I think the next time we address this we will do it in an email so it's recorded. We have a similar battle with his eczema. She claims to put lotion on him- we've discussed what we use- and it's always worse when he comes back from an overnight with her. (He needs the lotion applied nightly sometimes twice to three times daily depending on how it's looking- there's a visible difference if a dose is missed). 

I think that she loves her son but when it comes to basic care and routine she gets lost. She also doesn't have him enough to establish these things like we do so I think they easily slip her mind. We have him nearly everyday- so we've established a routine and so the other details come more easily. Still- this is her child and these are his needs.

Ilumine

I hate to say it, my own DD has had three sunburns this year (you knows in the three sunny, above 60 degree days here in Germany).  

 And I USED sunscreen and even replaced it.  She has fair skin and sweats and is a 3 year old.  I could keep her inside, replace every 30 mins vs every hour or deal.

Side note: DD and I actually use facial moisturizers every morning and night. I want to protect her skin and create the daily routines early for her.

So my suggestion is to send her an email stating that you guys have found that using XX brand works best on SS. Reiterate it when you hand her the bottle at the change over and then take a picture of him when he comes back.   

Cheerilee

nurrieum:

I think that she loves her son but when it comes to basic care and routine she gets lost. She also doesn't have him enough to establish these things like we do so I think they easily slip her mind. We have him nearly everyday- so we've established a routine and so the other details come more easily. Still- this is her child and these are his needs.

We find this to be true, too, with more than BM.  With SS having autism, there are routines, key words, prompts, and cues that work really well with him.  We also have high expectations and know his abilities - we don't give in where others may... It's not just BM that caters to "poor SS" when he points and grunts.  We always see regression when we return home to see our families for extended periods of time.  I think non-custodial parents/family members get caught up in just enjoying their time with your child and specific needs that aren't life-threatening go by the wayside.     

nurrieum

@ Cheerilee That has to be hard because I can imagine consistency being a really good thing for your SS. So that must be frustrating.

 @ Ilumine: Yeah I'm trying to be less uptight and judgmental because I know these things can happen and I let my frustration get the better of me. I will take your advice and then just have to accept that I can't control what she does when she has SS, let it go, and then be proactive about sun-screening him before he leaves.

Phantomgirl

But I would still document it.  I'd rather have to much info than to little.

Its happens but it also hurts.

I was so careful with SS last year on holidays BUT coming up to the last day he climbed out of the pool and sure enough his shouldhers were red raw.  poor kid - it hurt like hell.