Home Study Approved, now what?

Tiffany946

So, we are officially home study approved!  Now, we have to get ready in 3 weeks to tell our agency that I'm pregnant.  We just don't know what to do....

We are thinking about putting our adoption on hold?  If we get placed around 3 months before or 3 months after I give birth in Feb. I won't be able to take FMLA or leave from work...Plus then there is the no pay thing for 6 months.  I just don't know how we could swing it until after I give birth. I want to continue this adoption journey and we are committed, but I just don't know what to do.  Any advice?

silliestbunny

First, breathe   You are a fortunate woman.... look at the upsides.  This is a fantastic change of events.... and your life journey will look different than you anticipated..... but really, isn't that the story you've been living?! 

I think an important question is about your future children.... what do you think about raising virtual twins... babies that are less than 12 months apart?  Read the research. Understand the pros and cons (mostly cons in teh research).  FWIW, we are parents of virutal twins... it was right for us. 

You may also want to spend some time thinking about bio and adopted siblings and the dynamics.  Do you feel like virtual twinning would cause any of these issues to be exaggerated?  I have no idea since that's not my journey. 

Once you sort through what you are comfortable taking on as far as dynamics, then start thinking about logistics like FMLA.  You may never have to go there if it doesn't make sense to you. 

I found having babies just 8 months apart absolutely woderful and manageable.  It's not for everyone.  The only thing that makes me sad is when people talk about why they wouldn't do it.... to spend more one on one time w/their child.  I get it and it makes sense.  Hence the hurt.  That said, having them close changes who they are as individuals.  My oldest will never not know what it was like to be an only child... it's part of who she is and that's not a bad or good thing... just who she is.  I love it, it was manageble.  I was not able to take two FMLA leaves when DD2 was born but I had some flexibilty (I can share more about creative approaches to leave too   )   Keep in mind, though, you can still take that time when your year elapses... may not be at birth but it still is your option.  Again, I can talk more to you about what I did if you want.

 Good luck.... it's all good

jillianmb

First- I think silliest gave great advice.

Second- while this decision is very personal, if I were in your shoes, I would put the adoption on hold.  You are not matched with a child yet so you are not rejecting a child or anything like that.  You are postponing your adoption.  There are a number of women on here- myself included- who are postponing fertility treatments to pursue adoption.  You are basically doing the same thing, just backwards.  

I would want to relish in the pregnancy and newborn stage without the stress of an adoption.  Give yourself a timeline- ie) get your homestudy updated with this LO is 6 months old and then start down the adoption path again.

You can still be committed to your adoption even if you delay it.  Make a plan that allows you to both cherish your life and accomplish your goals. 

Good luck! 

Robby6

it is a very personal decision.  we were in a somewhat similar but opposite situation and decided to just go for it.  dd was born seven and a half months after ds came home.  we were matched with ds a year before he was allowed to join our family, so in essence we were matched with him for 10 months and then got pregnant. they are two and a half years apart, but last year for us it was more like the seven months apart.  telling our adoption agency i was pregnant was a very difficult thing, but they were luckily very supportive of our family and how we wanted to proceed.  good luck with your decision.  sorry no caps on my phone.