let's just get this straight right now, mmkay?
There's something we need to talk about before we make our voyage over to 0-3, because apparently some people are confused. Your newborn? Isn't going to sleep like a teenager. You're going to be up at night, and you can't expect a predictable 3 hour nap every afternoon from a 2 week old. Sure, a lucky few of us will get newborns who naturally sleep like champs .... but most of us won't. Sleep will be unpredictable, and you're going to be tired. And no, you can't let your newborn CIO, unless you're a bigasshole. I'd assumed this was all common sense, but I've been lurking on 0-3 here and there and have two friends with newborns who are all up on FB complaining about how tired they are, asking for sleep training tips, and then complaining again about how tired they are. Um, DUH? What were you expecting?
Most recent irksome post, in which OP attempts to let a newborn CIO:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/67009758.aspx
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
Re: let's just get this straight right now, mmkay?
Elizabeth Grace 11.20.05 Nora June 7.15.08 Beatrix Catherine 9.4.12
ETA: I have a family member that thinks the solution to a newborn not sleeping is to load up their bottles with rice cereal. She started it at two weeks because she was just so tired she didn't know what else to do. That really pissed me off.
See, the thing is, you're expected to complain. The newborn period can be rough. I'll probably complain when I haven't had a shower in 72 hours and I find babyshit on my sleeve after a morning out running errands (true story). What's getting me is the people who act SO TOTALLY SHOCKED that their newborn isn't sleeping all night and that they're tired and OMG WHAT DO I DO?! You deal. Or at least, you stfu about it before you annoy your FB friends into defriending you.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
Thank you. I agree completely.
partial molar pregnancy : bfp 6.28.10, d/c 8.17.10, 7 rounds methotrexate, cleared 7.1.11
alexander patrick : bfp 1.16.12, born 9.20.12 @ 39w1d, 7 lbs./11 oz./22 in.
scarlett irene elizabeth : bfp 5.24.13, born 2.3.14 @ 41w2d, 7 lbs./13 oz./19 in.
Great post, OP. What did these ladies think they were getting in to?? And OMG sleep training a tiny baby??? MiL gave me a book on how to force your child to sleep 12 hrs straight by 12 weeks. Even as a FTM it scared the crap out of me. You can *kill* your baby making them go so long without food.
One caveat: I think complaining (constructively) about breastfeeding can be helpful. It is definitely best to talk to a La Leche League or LC person about it...someone who can really help, but those of us who have breastfed before can maybe give advice or tell you when it's time to find an LC, depending on the issue. It is GREAT to realize that breastfeeding *is* hard in the beginning, though. It's hard for everyone, but it should be doable.
You keep lots of coffee and wine in stock. LOTS. That's what you do.
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
Yes I agree she is insane for thinking a 3 week old should be left to CIO, but hopefully after this post she will wake up.
By 6 weeks my daughter was only waking up once a night... but I also had to get up and her her ready at 5am for me to go to work by that time and will do the same with this one.
I understand frustration but I agree I cant stand complaints about how the baby isnt sleeping... WTF they are newborns !!!
Thanks for putting this out there now. Maybe at least all the Sept 2012 mommies will stop from being the ones to try CIO on a newborn. Breaks my heart.
That said, I think it's naiive of me to think that I won't complain when I'm exhausted, frusterated and haven't showered in days. BUT, I agree there's a way to do it without alienating all your FB friends and real life friends. I mean, I expect to be all these things...but I'll probably need to vent anyway. I'll just complain to my equally sleep deprived husband...and probably cry a lot.
In the end though, I will have a wonderful baby boy and an equally wonderful 2 year-old that may drive me crazy at times. It's totally worth it.
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
I was just visiting a friend who had her 2nd DS 2 weeks ago. First of all, she wasn't complaining but she told a funny story about telling her pedi about how Micah was fussy between the ours of 10pm-1am.....and her pedi was like "um, yup. That's a NB for you. That's pretty much what they do."
My friend and her DH are not dumb but their older son was born almost 4 weeks early so he was a SLEEPY baby. all.the.time. Like they had to wake him for everything. Nursing didn't work bc some sort of sucking reflex wasn't fully developed yet when he was born, so she exclusively pumped for 6 months. This new guy is a great eater and was full term and seems more like a regular NB.
We figured out right away when I had DS ( since they were born 2 months apartwe talked a lot) just how different our babies were. Benny her son was the sleepy baby who had eating issues, which is normal for early term babies, and my son was more of eater and more "typical NB". We laughed it off as new moms and I often use that as an example. Every baby is different too.
WAITAMINUTE.
I can't expect my newborn to CIO and I'm going to be sleep deprived?! This is ALL news to me!
Vroom, vroom.
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Ditto. I think I had mentally blocked out how hard the first 6 weeks are.
After my DD was born, my parents came to stay with us and help for a couple of weeks. The day before they left (so, DD was about 2.5 weeks old) they told DH and me to go out to dinner and enjoy a couple of hours without the baby. We were both so tired, we couldn't even manage to talk to each other during our meal.
Is the coffee for you and wine to help the baby sleep?
Or is that not a good idea either? Another mother gave me the advice of rice in the bottle and to start her on rice and other foods at 3 months!
I agree with this attitude/perspective.
When pregnant for the first time, you can prepare yourself mentally for expecting to be sleep deprived, but when the actual sleep deprivation hits you physically & emotionally, it's a whole different beast! Venting about it is natural & probably quite healthy.
But even in your sleep deprived state, you have to be able to keep your cool & care for your baby properly, and not just try to force them into a routine they're not ready for. With a 3 week old, everything is on-demand; there is no schedule. And even if there seems to be a schedule for a while, it's bound to change at a moment's notice b/c the baby is growing & changing so rapidly.
I've had a couple of friends who had their first babies this year and, after a week, were trying to sleep train their newborn. Major side eye there. That's not the way it works people.
I know it's possible that I'm going to b!tch my way through the first 4-8 weeks of new mommyhood because of sleep deprivation - nothing can really prepare you for that, IMO. But people who aren't flexible and expect newborns to get on THEIR schedule irritate the crap out of me.
Carina 12.28.2010 | Aurelia 9.23.12 | Chart - Round 3
I'm all for sleep training once it's developmentally appropriate--we did with DD and she's always been a great sleeper (who knows if it was nature or nurture, though). I was so excited when she slept 4-5 hours as a newborn...until we realized she had a tongue tie and was getting very little milk. Her long stretches of sleep were a sign that her body was shutting down, not that we won the baby lottery. Once we fixed the problem and she started eating, she wanted to eat every 2-3 hrs like a normal baby.
While we're on the subject, I really enjoyed the Baby Whisperer books--she believes in sleep training and a flexible schedule, but without CIO.
I'm shocked that this is a "co-sleeping" mom, too. I feel like most of the more AP-type parents are even more opposed to sleep training, even when it's at 6 months.
So sad. Poor itty bitty.
I remember those posts from 0-3, they hurt my heart. If you plan to sleep train later, please please read about different methods and talk to your pedi first.
Like pp, I liked the Baby Whisperer EASY method routine (not schedule) that we started around 4 weeks but that is not by any means CIO.
Bwhahahahaha.....
Ladies, I'd like to share that DD (13.5m) JUST slept in her own room for the first time and slept for a 9 hour stretch. It took 13.5m.
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
BFP #2 1/22/2012 ~ DS2 & DD ~ BIRTHday 9/13/2012 ~ unplanned C-section @ 38w1d
I've never heard of this.... but after googling this I want to read the books. Thanks doll!
Harper Grace 08.31.12 Sibling Expected 08.30.15
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Ellie from CougarTown
She also has a (very hokey) video I got at the library.
my parents actually did a variation of this with my sister and i starting at about a month old, respectively. it worked well, and my mom still swears by it.
i cannot imagine thinking that it's okay to let a tiny baby CIO like that. ohh, that makes my heart so sad.
I'm not suprised-some people have ridiculous expectations for newborns. I agree with OP. Thanks for sharing, btw.
[MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]
Ditto.
One of my very first pieces of idiotic advice came from H's crazy aunt (who also has twins and thinks she knows everything) who told me to get them on a sleep schedule immediately upon leaving the hospital, because that's what she did with her boys! I didn't tell her where to shove that piece of advice.
I didn't get to STTN for 7 months, and there are numerous occasions to this day that I'm up at all hours of the night retrieving blankets or pacifiers, or calming after a dream, that's reality right there.
Newborns don't self soothe, if they are crying it's usually for a reason (and that reason very well may be that they just want to cry, but who knows maybe their little tummies hurt or they just don't know what they want, but they cry!)