Am I being lame? MIL related
IEtoLA
member
Quick background: I have known DH for over 13 years and been married for almost 5. I get along with everyone on DH side except for my MIL. I have always been respectful and polite to her. When we got married, I included her in everything that the bridesmaids did (fittings, etc.) since my SIL was in the wedding. Both my parents and I opened up our home to her for all events in order to bring the families together and even invited her to stay over whenever she wanted when DD was born. Despite all of this, she has always ignored me or excluded me from things. The ways she treats me is completely different from the way she treats others. What finally did it for me was her not wanting to show up to DD's baptism because that's not what she believed in. She always tried to make DH pick sides and he finally stood up to her and said he wasn't going to deal with her crap anymore and that DD and I were what he chooses and she needed to stop. She eventually talked to me, apologized, told me that I didn't do anything wrong and she was going to change in turn, I was able to give her a piece of my mind. I told her that DH and DD were my priority...not her. I told her at that point if she wanted to be a part of our lives, she needed to make the effort, because we had always done it and while she didn't have to agree with how we want to raise our family, she needed to at least be there for her granddaughter. I also told her I was not longer going to deal with her crap.
That was 2 years ago and while things got better for a few months, she went back to her old ways. She at least says hello when I say hello to her, but she still makes no attempt to see DD.
Here's where I want to know if I'm being lame. DH and I have an event to go to in a month or so. We need a babysitter and DH wants to ask SIL to come to our house and watch her. We live about 70-80 miles away from SIL. I have no problem with this. We will have a place for her to stay and I completely get along with SIL. The only thing I did tell DH is that I do not want MIL in our house when we aren't here, let alone staying overnight. Is this reasonable? I told DH this before he even asked SIL because I can see MIL trying to tag along. I don't trust her.
Re: Am I being lame? MIL related
It's too bad that your MIL and you don't get along better, but at the end of the day it's your house and your rules. You are not being lame. If you don't feel comfortable having her there then you have every right to set that limit. I get along pretty well with my ILs but I had to have a talk with my DH about ILs coming to my house to see my DD when my MIL babysits. My DH thinks that his family has an open invitation to walk right in the house any time. I just don't feel comfortable having people just "pop" in when I am not home. That's just my comfort level and as this is where I live that is a limit I set with my DH about who and when people are invited in.
Unfortunately you can't make another person have a great relationship with you or your children. The best you can do is try to find settings and times you are comfortable with to put them together and encourage positive interaction. It goes back to that saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. I hope things work out for you.
Can you get a different babysitter? That's what I would do.
What happens if your SIL understands the rules, but your MIL just shows up? I mean, if it were me, I would have a tough time telling my mom "no, you're not allowed in"..........
I don't think you're being unreasonable or lame in your request, but if you want to be certain that your MIL won't tag along, find a different babysitter.
GL!
This! If your MIL is choosing to act the way she acts (which is very immature!), then you have every right to exclude her wherever and whenever you see fit. Her actions = logical consequences.