Was planning to wait, resolve is slipping...

shipsshoessealingwax

So, like many of you lovely ladies when DH & I discovered we were expecting we made the decision to wait until the end of 1st Tri to tell extended family, friends, etc. However over the last couple weeks not being able to tell people has started to negatively impact my enjoyment of the pregnancy.

I know it's very early (baby is 7.5wks) but we had a very good u/s with strong hb etc & I've heard that really reduces chances of a m/c. My question is, should I go ahead & give DH the go ahead to tell family & friends or stick to my guns & keep my lips sealed? We would still keep it off FB as distant friends & acquaintances don't need to know yet, but we would let cousins, aunts, grandparents, & close friends in on the big news.

FWIW: This is my 1st pregnancy - I've had no m/c. 

magel050485

Ultimately, the decision is yours alone.  My OB told me that the risk of m/c is significantly less after seeing and hearing the heartbeat but of course anything could happen.  We have only told our parents at this point because if something were to go wrong we would want them to know.  We told around 6 weeks the first time and lost that pregnancy and told around 8 weeks the second time and carried that one to term.  We haven't decided when we will tell this time (probably when I can't hide it)

lil fox

my hubby and I have purchased a small library of pregnancy books and I've read the first tri section of each. Pregnancy 411 (written by an OBGYN and pediatrician) pretty much said that once you've got the strong heartbeat and are looking good, you are probably good to tell others. I was also reading I think in the Mayo clinic book (but who knows they are blending together now) that once you hit week 8 you are also in a better boat. You are almost at 8, so I would probably go for it if I were you.

MSUMamaof2

My reasoning behind telling when I found out I was pregnant is that if I miscarry, I'd want all the same people to know anyway.  They're your friends and you'll need them for support, regardless. 

KansasFarmMomma

magel050485:

  We haven't decided when we will tell this time (probably when I can't hide it)

This is what we are probably going to do. People are VERY judgmental and we know that my ILs would have a fit about having another baby so soon...not that its any of their business but they are BSC anyway :-/ They also don't know that it took us more than a year to get pregnant with DS so we started right away trying for the 2nd one just in case it took us a long time again. With #3 we will wait until this one is a year old lol.

SockMonkeySam

The reason I'm not telling is because I am afraid to get people's hopes up.

My parents had 3 months with Zachary and it was the best 3 months of their lives. They still cry when they see pictures of him. Or just talking about him. I don't want to get their hopes up and have it crush them again. 4 granschildren taken from them already.

Maybe I am also trying to protect myself in not wanting anyone else to hurt if we do lose this little one.

 

Tulips114

MSUMamaof2:

My reasoning behind telling when I found out I was pregnant is that if I miscarry, I'd want all the same people to know anyway.  They're your friends and you'll need them for support, regardless. 

I agree with this. We haven't told anyone yet because we haven't had an u/s yet. But when we do, and if all is well, we will tell our parents and close friends - anyone we would tell if we m/c anyway. Others we will wait until 14 weeks and nothing will be on Facebook until after the anatomy scan. 

holly321

I was going to wait to tell people, but have pretty much decided against it. With my last pregnancy, I had less than 1% chance of miscarrying, yet I did. But still, if it happens again, I want people to be supportive and there for me.

Besides, with my bloated bump, I think people who see me regularly could probably tell, or they would just think I am really packin on the pounds.  

cupcakes710

MSUMamaof2:

My reasoning behind telling when I found out I was pregnant is that if I miscarry, I'd want all the same people to know anyway.  They're your friends and you'll need them for support, regardless. 

This 

Mash67

SockMonkeySam:

The reason I'm not telling is because I am afraid to get people's hopes up.

My parents had 3 months with Zachary and it was the best 3 months of their lives. They still cry when they see pictures of him. Or just talking about him. I don't want to get their hopes up and have it crush them again. 4 granschildren taken from them already.

Maybe I am also trying to protect myself in not wanting anyone else to hurt if we do lose this little one.

 

This! I read your story a while back and when I saw you on rhe boards a again I read your story again for a refresher last week, and it brought me to tears again.. I agree. My parents have been through the heartache of 3 mcs which is nothing comparable to actually holding then loosing their grand baby. I wont tell my parents till im 10 weeks this time even though ita killing me.

Gizu92708

SockMonkeySam:

The reason I'm not telling is because I am afraid to get people's hopes up.

My parents had 3 months with Zachary and it was the best 3 months of their lives. They still cry when they see pictures of him. Or just talking about him. I don't want to get their hopes up and have it crush them again. 4 granschildren taken from them already.

Maybe I am also trying to protect myself in not wanting anyone else to hurt if we do lose this little one.

 

 

same here. My dad told my mom that the day I got pregnant again he did not want to know till I coudnt hide it anymore so that he doesnt worry so much. he says the less time he knows about it the better. He suffered alot when I lost Enzo and I will be doing just that. I want my daddy to be happy for me, not nervous. I will tell him when I cant hide it any longer. 

samakasrc

We've already told a select few.  We'll come out with it after our Ultrasound on Tuesday if everything looks ok.   We feel that we need the extra support and prayers after everything we've been through.   With my DD, we told a few select friends (so we'd have an outlet) and told everyone else at 10 weeks or so.  It all up to you and what your comfortable with. 

Our thought (after our loss) is that it doesn't matter when we tell, loss happens at any time during pregnancy and regardless of when it happens we'll want the support around us. So we are waiting till we see/hear a good strong heartbeat before coming out with the news