April 2012 Moms
CIO ?
When did/will you let LO CIO? DS has been cranky mccrankerson the last few weeks. I have been picking him up and attempting to calm him down. DH thinks that we need to let him cry it out. DD never went through this cranky phase, she was pretty much the perfect baby. DS's 2 months old.... What are your thoughts on CIO?
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Re: CIO ?
Look! I put the diaper on the baby!
Since it sounds like a phase, I'd just endure it. I think we're going through something similiar here...these last couple of days have just been atypical for us. Naps are shorter, feedings more often, crying earlier. Just weird. But we'll get through it - cause I know it's gotta end.
From my perspective, I'm not pro-CIO, but I guess I'm not anti-CIO either. I do let my LO cry when I put him down for naps or to sleep. But honestly? It's 5 minutes tops and I know he's crying because tired not becaue he's hungry or wants comfort. If it goes longer than 5 minutes (at this age), then I go in and see what's up.
The whole "self-soothing" concept is weird to me, when applied to babies, to be honest. What does that even mean? I think people say it and they mean "babies aren't able to rationally determine that they really are okay even though they're crying, so it doesn't occur to them to stop crying." But I don't know. I don't think babies are even capable of that at 4 months - so what does it even mean that they can self-soothe?
My position: If you know (or think) that your baby is crying because of a legitimate need, meet it. Hug him. Feed him. Change him. Burp him. Whatever it is. And comfort is a legitimate need. But if baby is fussy with no apparent need and is cranky, even when being held, then I don't think you have any choice but to let them cry. Not cause you're mean. Not cause you're teaching them a lesson. But because, in all honesty, they're going to cry no matter what you do.
Crying is not the worst thing in the world. Babies are gonna cry. If he's crying for no reason, then there just isn't much you can do. That said, feel free to hold him and try to comfort him if you want to. I can see where DH would be frustrated by it, so maybe do it in a place where DH can't hear the crying.
I also think it's okay to let baby get used to things, even if that involves SOME (not ALOT) of tears. We've let our LO cry at nap time and bed time since like week 3 or something. Again, not a long time. But if I would've picked him up every time he cried, he never would've gotten used to his crib. He probably only would've slept on me. Some people call that CIO. I don't. (I also don't really care that they call it CIO. To each his own.) I also let him cry when we're driving 90 minutes away to see grandparents. He cries for like 7 minutes on our way through town...as soon as we stop hitting street lights, he stops crying. Is that CIO? He certainly didn't self-soothe.
The way I figure it, babies (even this young) can learn things and get used to things. And sometimes to do that, there are tears involved. Just don't be a meanie head about it and don't intentionally ignore a legitimate need. I think the whole "self-soothing" concept is just confusing.
As usual when it comes to CIO I agree with Jeffsjayme. FWIW with my DS1 I never let him make a peep, ever. Things have changed this time around. It's not for everyone, but works for us. DS2 has been putting himself to sleep since day 1. He makes his tired cry/winds down for less than 5 minutes for naps, usually 1-2 minutes. And doesn't cry at all for bedtime or MOTN.
This. If we let DD "CIO" it's because I physically can't get to her at the time. If we're in the car and she's screaming, what am I going to do? If I'm putting her brother down for a nap, bathing him or changing his diaper, there isn't much else I can do but let her cry.
I think that true CIO is intentionally letting baby cry with the purpose of teaching/training them to do something (usually going to sleep on their own). This is what I don't want to do until much later. I think that a lot of people (and when I say people, I mean Bumpies) get so freaked out about sleep training. We worry that if LO doesn't put himself to sleep and STTN for 12 hours by the time they are 6 months old that they will never STTN and will have ruined sleep habits forever. I just don't believe that is true for most babies.
My philosophy is that they are little babies for such a short period of time. It really is okay if you nurse them or rock them to sleep. You will NOT ruin them. And even if they do "create a habit," who cares? Eventually they won't need it anymore. I've never heard of a 10 year old who needed to be rocked to sleep. Habits can be changed. When I was teaching, I got into the habit of going the bed late and sleeping in during summer vacation. I had to change that habit when the school year started. It usually took a few days of "practice" getting up early, but eventually I got back into the habit of getting up early. Children are malleable too.
We nursed or rocked DS to sleep until he was over a year old. One day he told me no when I tried to nurse him. That was it for nursing. And then one day as I was rocking him, he started reaching for his crib. I put him in there and went to sleep. Are there some times when we lay him down now and he cries? Of course. But they are protest cries and he is truly trying to manipulate us into letting him stay up later. That is different, IMO than a 9 month old crying at bed time.
So in short, I don't think I will intentionally let DD CIO until she is at least a year old. I just don't see the point of intentionally giving up that limited sweet cuddle time.
I think full CIO should wait. I don't know when, but I think you'll know.
Right now we do max 5 minutes with the boys -- usually more like 2-3. And there are those types of cries you know you shouldn't let them cry out, you know? But the general "I'm pissed off bc of such and such" or "I'm soooo tired I don't know what to do with myself" -- those are the cries we usually let go a little longer.
We've let them fuss it out since they were 6/7 weeks old. Gabe usually needs to do a song and dance before sleeping at night, lol, but it's never crying. Just noises.
we won't do CIO until she's considerably older, if at all. I read this and found it helpful/interesting:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out
(sorry it's not clicky)
Honestly I think letting a baby cry, with the right reasons (as PP said above, not because there's a need to be met), is good. Self soothing IS a legitimate thing and it comes more naturally to some kids than others.
"They're just babies for a short time" works when you SAH, IMO. It doesn't work when you need someone else to watch your kid for a bit each day, and when you have shiit that needs to get done throughout the day.
Also I think my perspective is a little skewed with twins because it's IMPOSSIBLE to meet every cry from each baby every time. You just can't do it. They're going to have to learn to help themselves a bit sooner than others, perhaps, and part of me hates that but it's just how it is.