Go back to work or not??? — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Go back to work or not???

I am really struggling with this decision. It took us 3 years to get pregnant and we finally got pregnant w/twins on IVF #5. I work for a small company and I told my boss @ my pg announcement that I would want to take an extended leave. He said that was fine...small company means no paid mat leave anyway (no STD either). He actually told me at one point that I could take up to a year off (but not sure what he would actually say if I went to him now and asked for that).

My mom watches my sister's kids (ages 4.5 &9), so I planned in the pregnancy to go back to work at the end of August when my nephew goes back to school (to make it easier on my mom). I also dropped from full time to part time (boss knew that would happen whenever we had kids).

So, I'm down to my last 7 weeks off and know that if I don't go back or if I want to extend my leave longer, I need to let them know. I would choose to stay home IF I hadn't gone to school for so long for my position and didn't still have student loans. DH has a great job and can pay our bills. My part time salary would mean more $$ in retirement, savings, college savings, vacation money, paying car and student loans off sooner & house maintenance/repairs/improvement.

We have dipped into savings a little this summer b/c of some house maintenance and buying so much for the babies.

I really do like my job and actually stopped in the office yesterday and missed it. But when I got home and was alone with the babies, I couldn't imagine leaving them.

 My mom would baby-sit for 2 long office days/week (long means ~12 hrs away from home by the time I work and travel back and forth to mom's) and then I would need to find another sitter for my on call time when/if I go back to work.

My training is very specific, so with the crappy economy, there aren't a lot of job opportunities right now. I could go back and do what I did with my undergraduate degree pretty easily, but my graduate degree is very specific. So, if I give up this position and decide to work again in a year or two....I may not find something.

DH has no comment on this and says that he will support any decision that I make...which is super sweet but I almost wish he'd tell me what he prefers!

 

 

Wedding Fall 2007 Off OCP's since 9/08-started with BBT charts Saw Ob/gyn May 2009 Blood work normal except single copy of MTHFR Clomid 50mg May 2009 Clomid 50mg + IUI June 2009 Femara 5mg + IUI July 2009 Normal HSG July 2009 Femara 5mg + ovidrel+IUI August 2009 Femara 5mg +ovidrel + IUI September 2009 November 2009-normal lap December 2009-met with RE December/January-Injectible med cycle with IUI-Abnormal sperm morpology found-only 0-1% normal All Head defects. Jan/Feb 2010 1st IVF with ICSI-5 week chemical pregnancy :( Feb 2010-male infertility doc says DH's anatomy and blood work are normal so nothing he can do. :( FET July 2010-BFP! Twin m/c @ 5.5 wks :( Dec/Jan 2011 IVF #2 Only 4 eggs retrieved-Ganirelix dose messed up BFFN Feb/March 2011 IVF #3 ER 3/9 9 eggs, 7 fertilized, ET 3/14, No frosties. BFN IVF #4 ER 8/22 9R,7F ET 8/25-3 embies, 1 frostie! Beta 9/2= 54, 9/6=274, 9/8=625, 9/12=2953, 9/16 greater than 10,000. B/G TWINS born April 2012 @ 36wks & 1 day! July 2014-going back for the frozen embryo! ET 7/28, heartbeat seen at 6wks1day with SCH. Miscarriage confirmed at 6wks4days





Re: Go back to work or not???

  • I would take the time. I went back to work WAY too early this time around and I'm paying for it mentally and physically. I realize now that it would have been worth dipping into our savings as much as needed. The time with your LO is what matters most and time to take care of yourself. If your H is supportive, I would go for it.

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  • I will start by saying I work outside the home so maybe I am biased.  I work 3 12hour shifts per week.

    After I had DS I had 15weeks off and I cried and cried for the second half of my maternity leave trying to figure out how we could afford for me not to have to go back to work.  I researched and looked around but my husband's salary was NEVER going to cut it.  So I went back to work.  I cried my first couple shifts back, and then I got into the swing of things.  I got used to it and learned that I could love and take care of my son even if I was gone for those shifts.  Now after having number 2 I am sorta looking forward to going back.  I really like my job (L&D RN) and it gives me a great sense of accomplishment as does motherhood.  We do need the money but if we suddenly came into a ton of money I would still probably work 1 or 2 days a week.

    I would suggest that you go back for a few weeks and see how it feels.  If it feels good then you keep your job and have much more financial security.  If it doesn't feel right and you would rather be at home then you resign and learn how to become a master penny-pincher so that you still feel that you have financial security. 

    I have no judgment towards SAHM's.  I think they are wonderful and very dedicated moms, just as moms who work outside the home are as well.  The transition to work can be hard but getting through it will help you know where you really belong.

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  • I would go back at least part time. I think career wise is good to keep a foot in the door, financially, and most important its nice to have that adult interaction and another title besides "mom." If you were part time you would get more time with your baby then full time, but still have another outlet. I work full time, and dreaded going back at first, but now I have totally different feelings about it. My feeling have changed over the last four years, that's for sure.
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  • It's such a personal decision, and what feels right for one mom won't necessarily feel right for another.  That said, I know how quickly time passes (LO is only seven weeks old, but I already feel like he's changing so fast!), and I want to be here as much as possible so I don't miss anything.  Here's how I always think of it: I'll have the rest of my life to work, but I'll never be able to get back this time with LO. 

    So if I could be a full time SAHM, I would in a second.  Unfortunately, that's not possible for us right now, and I'll be going back to work part-time in two weeks.  (I should mention that I'm in no way attached to my job.  It pays decent, but I wouldn't miss it if I never went there again.)

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  • For me, I never wanted to be a SAHM. It just wasn't something I could picture myself doing, but when it came down to going back to work, I started to struggle with going back to work or not. I started back this past week, and honestly it has been kind of nice and somewhat of I break. I don't have the option to do part-time, but if I did, I think that might provide a great mix of baby time and time for me to get out and put my degree to use. I can't tell you what to do, but I can only tell you my experience. As a PP mentioned, maybe you could go back and see how things go before making your decision.
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  • we also are questioning this but my situation is different because I will not make any extra money (will just clear daycare), it's more because I enjoy it and want to keep my foot in the door. I just accepted a position 10 hours a week

    When i considered full time and even half time I couldn't imagine it but I feel really excited about 1/4 time because I get the best of both worlds.

    to answer your question, it's completely personal and going back doesnt mean forever- if it doesnt work for you and your family, you resign. But like you said, it might be hard to stay home then get a job later

  • You are lucky to have the choice!  I have to go back because I carry the health care for my family.  Like pp said, it's a personal decision but I really feel like if you have the choice, absolutely take the time. 

                  
                                       \

                                                                DS #1 born 05/25/2012   
                                                         BFP#2:  06/12/2013 ---- loss
     
                                                                DS #2 born 4/08/2014
          BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
                                                                   BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
                        
                                                                                                                                     * formally bornmommy

  • I have struggled with this as well, even shed some tears. I hate my job. After paying infant priced daycare costs plus before and after school care for my older boys, I won't clear much. Me staying home will require us to buckle down where we haven't really done that in the past.  We can afford it but "fun" money will be limited. My biggest struggle is feeling guilty for that and also putting work in a short handed situation because I like my co-workers. I am due to go back July 23rd and plan to give my notice next week. I know it's what I want to do but it's still a hard decision. 

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  • I would stay home.  They are only little for a short time period, plus you struggled so long to conceive.
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  • Any possibility of doing some work from home to keep your foot in the door? I work from home 50% of the time and it's beautiful. 
  • Take some more time if you can, but I would fully intend to go back.  If you missed work, there is part of you that wants that stimulation and still has the drive to do what you studied to do.  If it really isn't right for you to go back, honestly, going back is the only way to know for sure. 
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