Coping

jswag112

I spent nine months convincing myself I was pregnant with my first child. I would say, I'm pregnant 1000 times a day. Although I did not need to tell myself, as the continual vomiting for eight straight months was a constant reminder. She arrived by c section after 72hours of labor and was a perfect 7lbs 14 oz and a long 23 inches. I could not be happier. Almost two years later I found myself, once again, peeing on a stick nervous and excited all at once and scared as soon as the positive lines showed up. This time the feeling of motherhood hit me instantly. I knew I was pregnant and I had a beautiful baby growing inside of me. We were elated to get to see our new addition and at 6 weeks 1 day we got to see the heartbeat of our youngest child. Excitement turned into worry in the coming days as I began to spot and the nurse practitioner warned me that this one "might not stick." I was devastated when at our next ultrasound no heartbeat was found and I was told that I had miscarried. I was told that a D & C was necessary and I am now two days post op. I miss knowing that my little one is growing inside of me. I miss my daughter patting my belly and proudly proclaiming to anyone who would listen that a baby was inside. I miss my husband talking about "his son" in hopes that the growing baby was gonna be a  boy. I am already longing to be pregnant again. The immense loss I feel is unbelievable. My first pregnancy I reminded myself daily that I was pregnant. Now everyday that I wake up with the empty feeling inside of me I am reminded that I'm not. 

larivierek

I am so so sorry for your loss. Many of us have felt the same feelings of loss and emptiness, of fear and inadequacy, of pain and heartbreak. I hope you can gain some sense of support from those of us on this board, and realize you are not alone. 

I too, had one "surprise" (the best surprise of my life) baby. I am now waiting--any day now--to hemmorage and "pass the baby" at nine weeks, one whose heartbeat I never was able to see. 

The pain is, most of the time, completely unbearable. I just want you to know that we are here to support you in your process of grieving, and our thoughts and prayers are with you. ((hugs)) 

luvsdogs2

"Empty feeling" is an excellent way to describe it.  I am so sorry for your loss.  As time has gone by, the emptiness gets quieter and quieter in my heart.  It's still there, but it's no longer so bad I feel like my heart is aching.  I hope you find some comfort in this, and know you're not alone.  (((Hugs))) 

MandaS08

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.  I understand the feelings you have and we can all relate.  Huge hugs!