Multiples

FTM Guilt, Panic (long)

Well, lately I've been stressing myself out about feeling "ready" for these LOs.  I have always wanted to have lots of kids but it took me a while to adjust to actually being pregnant.  (I think because we had only been married for 6 months).  Then, it took me awhile to adjust to the idea of twins!  My expectations for what our situation would look like were completely thrown for a loop.

In addition, DH is working overseas and trying to get a housing situation settled for us, while I have been living out of a suitcase at my mom's for the past couple of months.   I'm not necessarily a control-freak, but I definitely like to know ahead of time what to expect, etc.  As a FTM my mind is just blown by the thought of having two babies, breastfeeding, moving my family overseas (UK), staying at home with the babies in a new place, etc.  

DH is totally a "go with the flow" kind of person.  He just asked what I would need in order to feel ready and to do it.  But it's not that easy! I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed and lost.  We have started buying baby gear, but that's just "stuff" and doesn't help me feel any more competent as a MoM to be.  Basically, I'm just freaking out.  Any other FTMs feel the same way?  What are you doing to make yourself feel better?

Re: FTM Guilt, Panic (long)

  • I had a hard time even imagine having babies at home. I honestly didn't think as far ahead as what we'd do when they were born. (Talk about head in the sand....) I was a bit panicked because I didn't know things like, "how much do I feed them?" and logistical stuff like that. But you figure it out. Maybe with the help of the nurses (for us, this was the silver lining to their short NICU stay!) or from friends or family. Or us!

    You will be fine! Don't waste energy on feeling guilty. :)

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  • I had a hard time wrapping my head around twins at first, especially because DH and I had only ever planned on one child. I was also the only person I knew who was in the starting a family phase of life. What helped me was getting out and meeting other moms. I Googled LLL meetings, yoga classes, new mom support groups, pretty much anything that caught my eye, and started going and talking to people. I found that talking to other moms, even singleton moms helped bring things into focus and made me realize that I'm far from the first one to feel lost and overwhelmed by having kids. 

    The bonus, I've met some pretty awesome people, and my girls will have plenty of play dates :) 

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