One of my employees had her last day with us yesterday. We were talking about how she's going to bring her youngest (8 months) up to visit next week before she starts her new job.
Then she started telling me how I should have another child because siblings are so important. It just ripped through me like a knife. The biggest reason we want to have another child is to give B a sibling and it kills me that the m/c took that away from him. The woman didn't know that I just m/ced, she didn't even know that we were TTC. It was her last day, I chose not to say anything. But it just tore my heart to shreds.
Re: My own "things people say" post
I'm sorry you had to endure that; I would have been upset too.
I guess if there's one good thing about going through the experience of loss is that it makes us more aware and compassionate of others. I find myself thinking things like, "I have no idea what that person has been through. Maybe they've had a miscarriage too." We are probably less likely to say something like what the woman said to you.
*hugs*
First pregnancy - blighted ovum, miscarriage at 10 weeks, Apr./May 2012
Second BFP 9/19/12 - Hoping for our Rainbow Baby!
I'm sorry-I'm sure that hurt to hear-even though she didn't know.
I remember after my first miscarriage a friend saying to me and another friend who was trying for her second that we better hurry up otherwise she'd "lap" us. It killed me b/c I was already thinking that.
TTC since 5/2010
DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate
IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
BFP! 11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13
5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d! Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!
My Blog- http://waitingonaangel.wordpress.com/
Sometimes it is so hard to bear what people say, whether or not they know what is going on.
This morning my boss and I were talking about allergies (she doesn't know I was pregnant) and I mentioned that mine seemed to go away when I had my DD. She said, "well, you just need to get pregnant again! You could have, like, 12 kids and never have allergies again!"
It's not her fault because she has no idea what is going on with me, but it felt like a punch in the gut.
My MIL said the exact same thing to me, in a conversation about our most recent loss. Among other silly things, she was saying how I should wait a year to "re-set" my body then followed it up with "well, of course you can't wait too long because I think it's best if siblings are very close together like my boys are" - um hello, we are trying to have another baby and have had 2 miscarriages after our DS how is that helpful to tell me to make sure the spacing is close?
Anyway, I totally get what you're saying and kudos to you for not being mean since it's her last day. (( Hugs )) I'm really sorry that you had to hear that.
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Oh honey, I'm so sorry! I feel the exact same way; was so looking forward to making DD a big sis this Christmas, but now...
I'm so, so sorry her words upset you. I wish there was something I could say, but I totally get why you're upset. Just be extra sweet to yourself today (a cupcake perhaps?) and give your darling B lots of cuddles. Hang in there, hon!
I think a cupcake is a great idea
First pregnancy - blighted ovum, miscarriage at 10 weeks, Apr./May 2012
Second BFP 9/19/12 - Hoping for our Rainbow Baby!