Help Please

dewbutt

My sister in law misccarried last night and to make matters even worse I am 17 weeks pregnant and her close sister announced this past weekend that she was pregnant with the same due date as my sister in law. We just want to know what we can do to help? is there a good book out there? This was there first and are taking it very hard as I am sure most due and can be respected. What can we do?

katharine25

Just be there for her. Tell her how sorry you are for her loss, bring her flowers, acknowledge her loss somehow.  Understand she's going to have a hard time being around you too, and respect that. Be respectful in regards to your own pregnancy, and never EVER complain about being pregnant to her.

 Also remember that this pain doesn't just go away, it's not something you just get over.   Be thoughtful of her today, tomorrow, in a week, in a month. Major milestone dates like 20 weeks, estimated due dates, etc can be really hard.

dewbutt

Thanks for the advise.

DaisyZH

That is really sweet of you to want to help your sister-in-law.  It's good that you are sensitive to the fact that you and her sister may be a little hard to be around right now - everyone is different, so just don't take it personally if she does need a little space or has a hard time discussing pregnancy or baby related things.  It might be especially hard for her since you said she had the same due date as her sister. 

I would try and take cues from her, everyone is different, but acknowledging her loss not only now but as time goes on means a lot to me.  I'm not sure if she's religious, but if so a devotional focusing on grief may be helpful and there is some beautiful remembrance jewelry that can be so meaningful.  Also, a big thing for a good friend of mine who had a late loss was being remembered on Mother's Day - so many people forget, especially when it's been a while since the loss.  For women who have had losses it can be a really painful day.

Good luck, I hope you and your sister-in-law can bring some comfort to her.  It's really nice that you love her and care so much to try and do the right thing, that's really great.

ziggy23213

You're a great sister-in-law to be thinking of what you can do.  If you live close by, I would bring them over dinner (and maybe not just this week when it just happened, but in a few weeks when everyone is acting like they should be over it by then and they're still feeling devastated).  

dewbutt

Thanks for all your great advice. I am truly sorry to read about all your losses. I wish you all the best in the future.