Never left 18m old with anyone, now needing childcare (XP on SAHM)

catdwg83

So I'm mostly a lurker, but the title says it all. I've never left DS for any period of time with anyone besides MH. I've never had the need to, but he would always panic around other people & it seemed cruel to put him through the distress since I really didn't have a reason to need a sitter anyway. He's always been super sensitive & clingy, & always had stranger anxiety. He seems to be getting better though- he stopped hysterically crying when people smile at him & sometimes will wave or smile at strangers.

Our families are all clear across the country, plus we're military & just moved even farther. He never really got to know any of them when they visited, just cried & clung to me for dear life (for up to a week, if that's how long they were visiting). Anyway, so I'm planning for the birth of DS2 in September. I've started putting out job offers for regular sitters during the day so he can warm up to them for the next 2 months, & hopefully be okay with overnight by the time I need to stay in the hospital to give birth. I really want MH there with me instead of having to stay with DS because he's hysterical.

Anyone have any success stories or tips for handling the first time away from mom this late in his life? 

SnoopyLuv

Children adapt a lot better than we think. It will be harder on you than him.

I'd probably try to find someone who does an in-home daycare who would be willing to do an overnight for a night or two when you give birth. If he's around other kids he'll have a great time and won't be so focused on you being gone. It would also be great for social development.

I'm sure you have other military Moms around you, you could try to find someone you connect with as well.

3003girl

I do not have any tips other than what you outlined in your post. LO was never with anyone besides me or DH up until she was about a year or so, and then we started leaving her with MIL for short periods. LO became used to her over a period of a few days, and then we left her alone. I think it helped that she was in her own house (ie, not the sitters or daycare). I also think sometimes they just do better if you leave them - they learn that you come back. I always said goodbye, even if she was crying or busy playing and not even paying attention to me. I also think that helped. 

I also wanted to say - I had my first birth at a birthing center with a group of certified nurse midwives and they allow family in the birthing room - and they also let you go home in 24 hours. If you could find a place like that you wouldn't have to leave LO if it came to that. I had LO at 9:44am and was home at 9pm. (obviously there weren't any complications) 

celiabwatson

What about finding another mom with a similar aged kid to connect with. We found a mom/kid pair that we're compatible with and we've been trading childcare back and forth for a few months now. My son had been in day care but hers hadn't. She comes over with her son and then she leaves to do work and then comes back and I leave. We did several play dates where we both stayed first. Now the boys mostly just look forward to seeing each other and don't mind when we leave. It's working really well. Maybe something like that would work. Choose someone with a reliable spouse so that if you need them to come in the middle of the night they can come alone and their own child is well cared for.

MikesMom12345

Would you feel comfortable having him stay the night in the hospital with you and DH?  I know a few people that have given birth recently and had their older children stay the night.  The hospital here gives you two beds and a pull out chair, so they just made it work with the older child on the pull out.  Personally, I would not want DS around during the actual labor, but I plan on having him stay with us when we are in this situation in the future.  It might not be as hard on your LO if he had to stay with a sitter or family member for a few hours during the day during the actual labor, and then could stay with you in the hospital overnight. 

bluejayway

DD never stayed with anyone until she was 19 months old and I was in the hospital to give birth to DD2. We started doing trial separations at around 17 months--DD would stay with my mom for a few hours, at our house, so she felt comfortable.

I was still BF'ing at this point, and didn't try an overnight until 19 months, just a few weeks before I was going to go have baby 2. She did great. Had so much fun. Definitely would've done it sooner, had we lived closer to my mom when DD was younger.

I would recommend finding something asap and then working on it slowly. Leave DS for an hour. Then next week, same thing. Keep gradually increasing. It would be good if DS was super entertained (by other kids, doting grandparents, etc). He will be fine. It's stressful, and I know how that can be! But it certainly is worse for you than him. Hang in there. 

catdwg83

Thanks everyone for your replies! I'm just so nervous that he'll hate it & it'll make him even more unwilling to part with me. I'm sure, however, like all your LOs he'll be fine if I go about it the right way. Hopefully I'm making a mountain out of a molehill & he'll do great. He still "nurses" for a few minutes before bed every night, but he skipped it for the first time a few nights ago. That eases my mind too- knowing he probably won't fall apart not nursing before bed, because he's done it before.

As far as a birthing center, I'm definitely birthing at the hospital here. I haven't gone on the L&D tour or met my OB to ask about early discharge from the hospital. I've heard they allow siblings overnight on the L&D unit though. The postpartum unit doesn't. If this birth is anything like DS's (I can only hope lol) then I will be more than ready to leave within 24 hours.