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ldoo
member
Do you use all your child support $?
ldoo
member
If your ex pays all he is supposed to pay in child support, do you honestly use it all for the kid(s)?
My STBXH thinks what he's giving me is too much. Honestly, I think it might be too. So he wants me to account for everything I spend for the kids. If he's getting royally screwed money-wise (which REALLY will affect his mood and cooperation for years to come), then I don't want to do that. But I also know the state came up with that figure for a reason and I don't want to screw myself.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you use all your child support $?
You know you do not, absolutely do not, have to prove to him what you spend it on. And honestly, I have no idea how you do it anyway. That money isn't for just diapers and daycare, it also goes towards housing, utilities, transportation, etc. It is for the living expenses of they child.
They always think they are giving you too much. That is why the state figures out how much you get, not him or you. You can end up screwing your self in the end. The child is half his, so half his financial responsibility as well. Why screw yourself?
Stop feeling guilty!
If you were still married to him he wouldn't be asking for you to account for all the money you spend on your LO.
The CS is supposed to balance the households the LO lives in so that NCP can live in a palacial estate while CP lives in poverty. The states general assumption is the if the parents and their respective salaries were still together the child would benefit from that combined income. Therefore, the child's lifestyle shouldn't be compromised b/c the parent's and their income split.
STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT CS. He has to pay what he has to pay. If you aren't using all of it every month put the balance in a savings account or CD for the LO when he/she is older and has larger expenses, such as field trips, sports teams/uniforms, other kids birhtday parties (if your kid's popular those gifts add up), a car, COLLEGE, tutoring, medical expenses. There will always be a reason to need the money.
Not a single parent but the wife of a H that pays child support butting in.
I would flip my lid if my H asked BM for accounting on the money she is spending. C/S is figured in a fair way according to his or both incomes.
I am not sure how old your child or children are but if you feel there is "extra" put it in a savings account for winter clothes, basketball camp, braces, school pictures, dance classes, or broken finger hospital bill. Kids like to suddenly break a house window with a baseball accidently right when you don't have the money. Put it away for all these things since they are not fixed expenses and nobody is ever prepared for them.
Sigh. I know. But he is SO DIFFICULT. So, does CS include activities expenses and medical expenses? I was under the impression it didn't.
Depends on the state and the wording. In my state, activities are included in the calculations. I have at the modifications brought in all the receipts of the fees I paid for the previous year and they calculate based on that. Medical in my state, are split 50/50 but I have to pay it and then submit the reciept to CS and they tack it on to his arrearage. EXCEPT psych services. I have to pay that 100%
Get used to saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way but this discussion is closed"
You are no longer in a relationship with him where you need to listen to his rantings. You are only required to work out parenting arrangements.
Not yet. We're very early in this process. All we have is a temporary order that we don't even follow cause he demanded ridiculous things that I refused to do, but we worked things out that were mutually beneficial to us. We are in agreement of what we are doing, but he is DIFFICULT and refuses to simply sign an amended order that reflects what we've agreed upon. Seriously, he is so insanely difficult.
So in that temporary order, it says he'll pay xx amount. But no detail.
I dealt with "difficult" for the last few months...I let him control me (he did thru marriage, so it was a hard thing to just up and stop) but each day I got better - and most importantly I GOT PISSED OFF - tired of him running my life. We aren't married anymore, so you can't run my life. I finally, with the help of family and friends and most importantly my attorney, got it thru my head that I run the show...not him. He controlled me long enough. You need to get there too...and you will. I don't know how you created your "arrangment" but if it isn't thru your local office that handles child support, drop what you are doing and go there to get it. Becasue otherwise, you are screwing yourself. (trust me, been there, done that).
Honestly, I live off what I make, because I didn't feel CS was reliable...and it really, really isn't when you don't get an official order. I didn't, he stopped paying per our "agreement" and now I am screwed. I GOT PISSED OFF and I filed for CS. Now I am just waiting for the conference. Whatever money I "don't use" from what he will pay will go into savings. Saving to buy things for my LO. Like a car (he left us without one and told us to ride the bus). So while she won't drive it, I will be driving her around the next 15 years until she can and we need a car. And saving for other future items...college, unforeseen medical expenses, housing, clothing, etc, etc, just as other people mentioned. You will need it and you will use it.
Think of it this way (this is what got me there and got me fired up) by him trying to control the money he is controlling you. You aren't with him (and I assume don't plan to be in the future) so why are you letting him run your life?
Wow, I am fired up today...this one hit a nerve. Sorry
(I was just dealing with all this last week)
Thank you! I really do appreciate everyone's opinion on this matter. I want to be fair, and lord knows I don't want to push his buttons, because that affects my ability to co-parent with him. Then he yells at me in front of them....purposely does things to spite me that affect them (like refusing to put a rail on the 2yo's new bed that she keeps falling off of), etc.
But if he is one thing, it is controlling. That's really the whole reason behind this divorce.
OK, so you said: I don't know how you created your "arrangment" but if it isn't thru your local office that handles child support, drop what you are doing and go there to get it.
What do you mean? Our temporary order says he will pay x amount, which he does. He's bi*ching about it and questioning it, but it is written in a legal document. Is there something more I should be doing in that regard?
"What do you mean? Our temporary order says he will pay x amount, which he does. He's bi*ching about it and questioning it, but it is written in a legal document. Is there something more I should be doing in that regard? "
No, as long as you have something legally binding, then you did the right thing. I made an arrangment purely between the X and I and didn't go thru the domestic office. Then he stopped paying. So I filed at the domestic office to get an official order.
Just remember it is your life...and he doesn't control it anymore. If he brings up CS again and wants to discuss it, just say there is NO discussion. End.of.story.
(and if he isn't putting rails on a bed to protect your daughter that's BS. just document that stuff, you might need it later. and if he was a good parent, he wouldn't yell at you in front of them...that just makes him look like a crappy parent to them.)
You are under no obligation whatsoever to provide him an acocunting of what the CS is used for. It was determined a certain amount for a reason. If you're thinking he's paying too much and you want peace of mind, go ahead and make yourself an accounting. Include rent, electricity, water, gas, diapers, formula, food, clothing you purchase, gas for your car taking them to and from daycare and Dr appointments, the cost of childcare, gas getting to and from work and the grocery store, and divide that number by you and the # of kids. Compare that to what he pays each month. Still think it's too much? Heck, go a step further and add in dental appointments, what you spend on carseats for the kids, what braces will cost later on, add in how much earnings you lost each time you had to stay home with a sick kid.... These things all add up. It's really easy for NCPs to say they're "paying too much", but when you add up the simple everyday stuff you realize just how little that check covers.
As PPS said, next time he brings it up simply say, "I'm really sorry you feel that way, but that's the number the Court decided on."
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So my other question is that he has the kids about 40 percent of the time. So just 10 percent less than me. I guess that's why I wonder if it still might be too much. Cause he feeds them three nights a week. The Sunday that he has them all day and night, he drives them around. He will eventually buy them clothes when theirs are outgrown (well, the older child, at least...the younger child gets hand-me-downs typically). Any of you whose exes have shared custody - how much do they have the kids, and if it's a lot, do they still pay a decent amount to you?
A friend of mine has an even 50/50 split. Neither of them pays child support. That's just 10 percent off what my STBXH has. They just split activities and medical expenses.
Ugh. It's all so confusing.
It really depends on the State. In CA they take both parents' income and time spent with the child into consideration when determining CS. For example: my XH used to have the kids 25% of the time (7 years ago when our CO was first done) and based on his income (and my income) he was ordered to pay X amount. My husband has K 40% of the time, and based on his income (as well as BM's lack of income) he's ordered to pay more to BM. Meaning, he's paying more to BM each month for K with a 40% timeshare then my XH was ordered to pay for 2 kds with a 25% timeshare. Now that my XH only has the kids 5% of the time, theoretically his CS amount should go way up. However he gets paid under the table so there would be no way to prove what he's making.
You should go check with your local Child Support agency and see what they say. They can tell you for sure how it's calculated in your area, and even handle the collection and enforcement for you.
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I'm not sure how much you get, BUT the fastest way to explain it is Daycare. Very few women I know get more child support than they have in daycare costs. But, OK...let's say you do, or you don't pay:
Daycare
Groceries
Rent
Electric, water, phone
These are things you need to raise a child. Child support is a reimbursement of funds. I shut my ex up when I said how much I paid for day care. He had no idea I paid 600$/mo for before and after school care. I got half that in child support.
What type of ridiculous things are in your order that he demanded and you are refusing to follow? That can bite you in the butt when you go back to court.
I wouldn't show him any expenses, that is why when fill out a petition for child support on the instruction page is says to bring last 3 years of tax returns and receipts for expenses. Not his job to look at your financials. That is what the work sheet is for. My parents child support stated 50/50 on medical. Some of my friends have theirs as the father has to carry the child on their health insurance.
Child Support Money...what is that? I sure wish I saw that.
Just kidding...XH will be getting served soon since he has not paid a dime. Last I heard he wants to give up his rights. We shall see! I'm FX that he does. FI wants to adopt DD as his own.
My child support calculation is separate from day care. We split that. Yes, this is all screwed up.
Do not do this. It's none of his business. The amount is calculated on how much he makes so if it seems like a lot, he must be making a lot. (that's how it's done here)
The money isn't just for clothes. IT covers part of their food, activities, rent/mortage, utilities.