Tell me I'm just being a whiner?

fellesferie

By way of background info, XH is in CA and I'm in TN. The way we do exchanges are that XH flies from CA to Atlanta (5 hour flight), and his parents drive up from FL (5 hour drive each way). We drive from TN to Atlanta (2 hours each way). Then XH and his parents take DS back to their house in FL. Or XH's parents take DS to CA.

Last week XH sent me the dates for his summer parenting time. He's coming in for a long weekend for his own birthday, and then his parents are taking DS out to CA for a week in August.

So that's four trips to ATL for me between Jul 16 and Aug 8. Every single day he's chosen is a weekday, so DH can't help out by either driving with me or staying home with DD. Four hours roundtrip x four days = 16 hours in the car. Alone. With my kids. 

Meanwhile, on the trip XH is making here, he gets chauffeured everywhere by his parents. For the trip in August, he gets to sit on his ass while everyone else handles everything.  

He pays for all the travel, so there's that. But I hate feeling like everyone around him busts our butts to make his parenting time happen. I would really like to tell him no, I can't make those days. But if I did, he would just make his parents add more time to their trip and come meet me here. And I like his parents.

Grrrr. 

Wahoo

If that doesn't work for you, can you think of an arrangement that will?  Such as allowing XH's parents to have DS an extra couple of days so that your DH can help with a weekend trip? 

Or perhaps having an evening meetup time (DS can sleep in the car on the ride home, your H can be with the kids).  Even if it meant something like you hired a babysitter for two hours between the time you left and your H came home from work, then H gets the kids for the rest of the night.

A four hour trip s*cks, but it is still do-able.  My daily commute was one hour each way, when DD was an infant and still in the car.

If things can't be altered, I would seriously consider getting a sitter for the five hours so that you are not driving with kids in the car.  Since it's summer break, I'm sure you will be able to find plenty of college kids who can mind your children, instead of keeping them in the car.

Holly_1007

is this the CO'ed plan, or just what has been done in the past? there's not a closer airport he could fly into in order to pick up DS?

I would be beside myself with that much driving in the car.  Can you set up a playdate for DD for one or two of the days so she doesn't have to deal with it as well? then look at it as a little alone time?

hopefully you don't work and aren't looking at taking 4 days off work as well?

hopanka

Thats not too bad. But then again, i live in L.A. so to me thats nothing. I vote whiner here.

SWmama

Yeah, whiner. But I'd whine too.

fellesferie

Wahoo:

If that doesn't work for you, can you think of an arrangement that will?  Such as allowing XH's parents to have DS an extra couple of days so that your DH can help with a weekend trip? 

Or perhaps having an evening meetup time (DS can sleep in the car on the ride home, your H can be with the kids).  Even if it meant something like you hired a babysitter for two hours between the time you left and your H came home from work, then H gets the kids for the rest of the night.

A four hour trip s*cks, but it is still do-able.  My daily commute was one hour each way, when DD was an infant and still in the car.

If things can't be altered, I would seriously consider getting a sitter for the five hours so that you are not driving with kids in the car.  Since it's summer break, I'm sure you will be able to find plenty of college kids who can mind your children, instead of keeping them in the car.

It is doable, and I've done it before. We've been doing these Atlanta commutes for 4 years, but it's not usually so many trips in such a short amount of time. 

More than anything, it's just me being petty about having to spend hours in the car listening to the kids watch Phineas & Ferb while XH does none of the legwork. 

I'm definitely looking into sitters. It's far less distracting for me just to have DS. DD is a pretty high maintenance car rider. 

fellesferie

holly71087:

is this the CO'ed plan, or just what has been done in the past? there's not a closer airport he could fly into in order to pick up DS?

I would be beside myself with that much driving in the car.  Can you set up a playdate for DD for one or two of the days so she doesn't have to deal with it as well? then look at it as a little alone time?

hopefully you don't work and aren't looking at taking 4 days off work as well?

Nothing is CO'd. If I worked outside the house, it would be a big fat no way, jose.

There are closer airports to me, but then X-ILs would have an even longer commute. Atlanta is good compromise since it's such a major airline hub, and I truly don't want to inconvenience them.

But man I hate being alone in the car with my kids. They can put up with it for about an hour before things go down the drain. Then the bickering, whining, dropping toys, seat kicking... My blood pressure rises just thinking about it! 

CFjo2010

My XH is in TN, the kiddos and I live in CA.  He flies the kids as Unaccompanied Minors from the airport nearest to me to the airport nearest to him.  When we first separated 7 years ago, XH had to fly out to CA, get the kiddos, fly back with them to TN, then fly them back to CA and fly himself home.  Essentially he was buying 4 roundtrip tickets for each visit.  But that made it his responsibility to make arrangements to see his kids.

I don't think you're being whiney.  I wouldn't enjoy sitting in the car for long periods either.  Maybe it's time to rethink the current arrangement?

fellesferie

wendilea:

We drive 4+ hours roundtrip every time Dink decides he wants visitation.  So to me it's no big deal, but my kids are older.  It's not like you're doing it EOW or even once a month, it's just a couple of times a year, right?

I'd say it's usually 4-5x trips/year, but it's also almost always on a weekend. I don't mind the drive itself, it's doing it four times alone in four weeks with the kids that makes me stabby.

I do know I'm whining. =/

Littlejen22

I know it sucks so go and whine here. But honestly he lives 1/2 way across the country, we drove 6+ hours from Boston to Philly to drop SD with her Mom and then 1/3 hour to the train in NJ to get SD and drive back to Boston 5+ hours (we would stay in Nj with my parents for the 2 days.). We did that for 1.5 years (actually part of it we were getting SD EOW and then she loved in with us and we brought her to visit her BM. It sucked. But then BM moved and has seen SD 4 or 5 times since, 9 YEARS. 

Kaeldrasmommy

SWmama:

Yeah, whiner. But I'd whine too.

I'm with this one actually. But it's whine worthy. Not b!tch worthy, but whine worthy.